RE: submissives with issues

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: submissives with issues

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: submissives with issues

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: submissives with issues - 2/3/2006 9:35:21 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
Do you feel like this is really all about your weight, or are you focusing on that because it seems the most obvious thing. When you talk about appearing self destructive, or about going "higher and higher" and then crashing further down -- I get the idea there is more going on than just a poor body image and feeling insecure.

I am in agreement with Sensualips. Could it be possible that your weight is a direct result of some deeper emotional turmoil that you may have unknowingly stuffed to avoid confronting? Inner turmoil, although we may feel we have a handle on it, can actually have physical effects on us.
Weight can also be used as a "wall" we build around ourselves to protect ourself from further emotional pain.

Your Dom is accepting of you. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to accept ourselves...we can be our own worst enemy. Your post alone indicates that you have enough selfassurance to want to grow as a person. Start with the inside first. Become accepting of what's on the inside...recognize your faults and limitations...and most importantly, embrace your strengths.

The outside is simply the shell that contains the inside... After closely examining the inside, you may find your happy with the outside. If not, then you can seek your doctor or a nutritionist's advice on available options. Until you are happy with yourself, temporary fixes will always be just that...temporary.

Trust the opinion of your Dom...his wisdom is evident by the fact he hung on to you when he found you

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to Sensualips)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: submissives with issues - 2/3/2006 11:13:31 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I am also slightyly overweight but my Dom loves my body just the way it is. You should not worry if our master did not want you he would not be with you. I know it is hard but just try to remember it is you he loves not a number on a scale.

littleone

(in reply to champagnewishes)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: submissives with issues - 2/3/2006 2:01:19 PM

Firmmaster4u

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

dont know if you meant me but yes i have always love you for who you are you7 should never change for any one but your self if you wanted to love always M

(in reply to littleone35)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: submissives with issues - 2/3/2006 6:49:04 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

Unfortunately for me, i seem to have a lot of selfworth issues that are surfacing. i have always had "issues" but i seem to be on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment and i wonder if anyone else has experienced this.
========

all my life, i've been told over and over what a useless piece of shit i am,..so i never did figure i amounted to much.
a lot of em on HERE'll tell ya i'm no good.
pappy told me, if ya dont own a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of..yer as useless as tits on a boar hog.
so here i am.
useless. i dont my own pot or my own window.

yeah i got self worth issues.
yeah i roller coaster.
but i got p.t.s.d. and o.c.d.--and no i aint got all the right meds.
most of my issue is the world.
i have fought for 42 friggen years to get some damned respect, and i come on here, being TOLD everyone is accepting..
BULLSHIT!
not EVERYONE!~
but for the MOST..yes.

this is NOT the so called accepting lifetsyle people lead you to believe. a lot of it is like junior high..
there is ALWAYS a few that figure their shit dont stink but i have showed em their farts give em away.

no one here walks on water,,but a few here try to make ya believe it.
self doubt?
yes
self worthlessness? yes

i have YET to find anyone in my real life ever SHOW me they thought i was worth anything.

i SUGGEST....talk to your Man...i mean REALLY talk..even if it's mere pillow-talk.

i feel you WILL work it out.
be well stay safe

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to tendergirl)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: submissives with issues - 2/4/2006 6:33:20 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

NO, I am not suicidal. I don't want to die nor am I reckless normally. And no, I don't play on my own.

It seems like you can take self destructive off your worry plate, at least physically. Not that weight issues can not also be self destructive in an emotional sense.

It is a process though. You can't just one day rationally decide your weight is fine and you are okay with it and then all is well. Time and work.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: submissives with issues - 2/4/2006 7:46:31 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'm going to go out on a limb here and probably receive an onslaught of disagreement, but I honestly don't believe that pursuing a bdsm relationship right now is probably your best alternative. You mention having to deal with issues. Well, deal with those and THEN pursue the submissive relationship. You may find yourself in a much better space when your Master/Mistress is getting a submissive that is totally into the servitude rather than someone he or she has to "save".

Now, I'm not saying this as some self-actualized submissive who feels he knows better but as one of those submissives who was very much like that. I screwed up a number of pretty good relationshps because I actually brought my baggage with me to the relationship when I could have dealt with my crap and then came into such a relationship. I lost probably one of the only relationships I was so perfectly designed to be in because I allowed myself to enter into that relationship when I was nowhere near ready, doing her no great service by being there at that time and place. I'll forever kick myself over that one, because rightly so, she really wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Knowing what I know now, I know I would never want to enter a relationship while I was still trying to deal with issues that I was avoiding. But it took years of avoiding relationships to deal with those to come to that realization. And even now I still wonder if I'm ready.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: submissives with issues - 2/6/2006 2:57:13 PM

tendergirl

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/25/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your input. The relationship i am in is the first and only relationship i have had where i can actually be who i am. This is new territory for me and we are involved both in vanilla and D/s. I am very lucky to be loved and to be in this relationship. I am aware of that.

My negative feelings about myself may sabotage this relationship, i also know that too. My Dom does all He can to comfort me and ease my fears. I have gained and lost weight all my life. From 100 lbs to 300 lbs and all stops in between. That is just me.

i have been the same weight (albeit it too heavy) 180 lbs, for the past 3 years give or take 10 lbs either way.

Part of accepting me means accepting my insecurities because they are part of me. That does not mean that they won't go away in time, but I actually doubt they will, i have had them too long.

my plan is to hopefully get some more of the weight off and pay for a tummy tuck which will take away the excess baby belly and that will cosmetically look better. Before everyone starts shouting, I am aware that the surgery will not mend an insecure soul.

i have decided over the years to work with the insecurity as it just seems ingrained in me.

No, it is not just a weight issue.

The D/s has stirred up my emotions but it satisfies me as i have never been satisfied before. i enjoy wearing my 6 inch slutty heels and my restraints, i absolutely love being bound with my beautiful Japanese silk rope, i feel wonderful at times and more at home than ever.

So before my D/s relationship, i felt shit 100 % of the time and never beautiful. Now, I feel absolutely divine 10 or more hours a week, content all the time and finally free to be me 80% of the time. That is a distinct improvement. I like the new me better and even though i am still fat, insecure and inexplicable depressed when my Dom and i are separated, i believe it is infinitely more healthy than before.

For the first time ever in my life i actually feel safe and secure although it is only when He is physically present in my life.

I am verbal about my issues, He knows about them. As i have only been participating in this lifestyle for 4 months now, i think it is better for me than if i were to quit. However, i have explained to my Dom that should He wish to discontinue until i gain equilibrium, i would be accepting of this.

He does not need to save me. i do not need saving.

love from tendergirl

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: submissives with issues - 2/6/2006 4:07:49 PM

pinioned14Me

Posts: 50
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline

I could not even come close to offering you any insights.....what I see from a distance is one with some self doubts; overwhelmed for the first time in her life with a rush of physical and emotional fulfillment.

Pehaps the rush to these new heights has started you questioning why now?..why so much fulfillment?...what's changed about me?

I would offer that instead of looking inward, you look to your Dom and focus on Him. After all, hasn't He brought out all the highs? He is supportive and caring and He realizes what completes you. So relish His care and use of you.

I may cause some to argue with this but in many cases....a woman tends to worry about the "what ifs" in life. Sometimes for no apparent reason....I would ask you to reflect and ask yourself if you worry because all has fallen into place so quickly?

Life is a lottery....sometimes you draw a winner...never question if you deserved to win.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: submissives with issues - 2/13/2006 7:07:30 AM

artglfr

Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline

I think mentioning your situation here is a very good first step. Defining your situational problem will help very much. Lucky A and Arpig have very sound advice a counselor may help you more than you could imagine. I had ADD and always wondered what was wrong with me(other than the usual LOL) finally I went to a Thereapist was tested and given medication and honestly after the very first pill I felt the problem start dissolving. Therapy and perhaps proper meds and the Awesome Master you have will have you feeling better.

Lucky A, You are one of the most Gorgeous people I have ever met, how can You feel down. You just proved We all at times get this way and it seems to be the human condition.

(in reply to tendergirl)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: submissives with issues - 2/13/2006 4:58:39 PM

snowangel

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/12/2004
Status: offline

Hiyas Tender...

I don't like myself most of the time either. When I was younger it was maybe 25-50 percent of the time that I didn't like myself, and I got over it when I was on the athletic field. Right now I can't even do that, because of an accident I was in. It's been a long, hard convalescence and it's not going to get any easier for the next year or so. I now tend to hate myself 60-80 percent of the time. My point is, I don't have lot of wisdom to offer you except that you're not alone in this. You're a human being. You don't have to do this alone either, cause most of the people around here are very supportive, as this thread shows. Give us a holler when you need a leg up.

I have gotten a lot of help from my therapist, too, so I second that advice. I would expand a bit on that advice. If you decide to go the therapy route, do a search for Kink Aware Professionals in your area. Since being a sexual submissive is NOT PC and since a great many "professionals" do consider us mentally ill, they will try to "cure" that too. Some of them will draw a line between your self image issues and your submission and use it to bolster their diagnosis. While there are some persons in that position, it does not apply to all of us. A Kink Aware therapist or counselor is the best way to go.

Re the issues with Peas, I don't like 'em either. But I keep a bag or two of frozen peas in the freezer because they make splendid ice packs. They mold about the wounded part quite well. I can see Pea Play becoming an essential part of BDSM repetoire everywhere.

edited cause the post shows I was responding to Artglfr... I meant to be replying to the OP!

< Message edited by snowangel -- 2/13/2006 5:00:52 PM >

(in reply to artglfr)

Profile

Post #: 30