quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

Within the last two months I've seen an erosion on self control. I'm not going to go into detail about what's going on, but I need some ideas to help us.


Does anyone else have ideas? I'm not looking for punishment so much as ways to inspire him to be a better person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

He is in the Marine corps, hates that he joined, he says that the choice to join completely destroyed his faith in himself to make good decisions (I've seen it ... he flip flops around because he can't make up his mind). His job is incredibly stressful and couple that with treating a 22 year old man who is maybe too mature for his age like a 10 year old, him being under constant threat that if he's even 13 minutes early instead of 15 minutes early to work they'll put him on 'house arrest' and he won't be allowed to have visitors or leave his barracks room unless it's for work (won't be allowed to see me for an indefinite period of time). He's looking at another month long deployment to California in May (leaving me, going off to work 12 on/12 off and coming back home to work 14-16 hour nights). Basically he really hates the military.
He's recently started getting very angry, and I think it has to do with his job and the people he works with. Marines are well known for being violent people. He looses control to his anger and lashes out at whatever object is frustrating him. He gets frustrated very easily and emotional over it. He curses which is something he did not do when I met him.
He has trouble controlling lustful thoughts. When I met him he was the first man ever who treated me like a human being and I believe him 100% when he's told me that he believes God wants him to be a sexually pure person. I really admired him for his self control over his body, but recently it's become harder and harder for him to not masturbate (a thing he was punished for, which he did NOT enjoy, and was actually afraid of masturbating for me on command).
He's told me that he's upset with himself because he feels guilty for asking God for help when he's "not doing anything for God so why should he give me help?" I think he's feeling a bit lost because his job sucks up so much of his time, he sleeps 8 hours, and then wants to spend whatever he's got left with me. I am not a religious person, but when I met him I admired his convictions and I see how he's stopped caring.

I believe he may be depressed and need some anger management counseling, but that's something I'm hoping to address while at couples counseling because it affects me too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

These are all the problems that's lead up to this recent change in behavior. I'm sorry it's a bit jumbled.

He is in the Marine corps, hates that he joined, he says that the choice to join completely destroyed his faith in himself to make good decisions (I've seen it ... he flip flops around because he can't make up his mind). His job is incredibly stressful and couple that with treating a 22 year old man who is maybe too mature for his age like a 10 year old, him being under constant threat that if he's even 13 minutes early instead of 15 minutes early to work they'll put him on 'house arrest' and he won't be allowed to have visitors or leave his barracks room unless it's for work (won't be allowed to see me for an indefinite period of time). He's looking at another month long deployment to California in May (leaving me, going off to work 12 on/12 off and coming back home to work 14-16 hour nights). Basically he really hates the military.
He's recently started getting very angry, and I think it has to do with his job and the people he works with. Marines are well known for being violent people. He looses control to his anger and lashes out at whatever object is frustrating him. He gets frustrated very easily and emotional over it. He curses which is something he did not do when I met him.
He has trouble controlling lustful thoughts. When I met him he was the first man ever who treated me like a human being and I believe him 100% when he's told me that he believes God wants him to be a sexually pure person. I really admired him for his self control over his body, but recently it's become harder and harder for him to not masturbate (a thing he was punished for, which he did NOT enjoy, and was actually afraid of masturbating for me on command).
He's told me that he's upset with himself because he feels guilty for asking God for help when he's "not doing anything for God so why should he give me help?" I think he's feeling a bit lost because his job sucks up so much of his time, he sleeps 8 hours, and then wants to spend whatever he's got left with me. I am not a religious person, but when I met him I admired his convictions and I see how he's stopped caring.

I believe he may be depressed and need some anger management counseling, but that's something I'm hoping to address while at couples counseling because it affects me too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am with LaT here.  Being a Marine is a rough road, even if you are "born" to do that kind of thing.  He needs to focus on being a good Marine, and doing what is expected of him, in the way that is required.  If he can't, they'll boot him---and how will that affect him? 

Anger re-channeling (I am not liking that word "management" anymore!), meditation, centering, and having a handle on who he IS and where he is going are things that will help him.  You might be his dominant, but you are not the primary force in his life right now, nor should you be.  (with apologies to LadyPact, I think you know what I mean when I say that).

As an atheist, I can't speak for the issues with god, but a chaplain certainly can. 

Honestly, it seems like self-control (and I gather we are meaning sexual?)  is absolutely the least of his worries.  Chill out, and stop the punishments.  Enjoy your time together, perhaps only do vanilla things and avoid play at all.  His time away from the job he hates should reduce his stress, not add to it.