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ORIGINAL: dommeTulsa

Anyone know where the positive posts are on the forum?   

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ORIGINAL: dommeTulsa

Anyone know where the positive posts are on the forum?

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

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ORIGINAL: MistressLina

I studied psychology in university, and I'm right with Dr. Phil on most issues, including this one. Poly-fidelity has nothing to do with trying to convince your spouse, whom you led to believe you were faithful to, that your affair is just your way of exploring poly-fidelity. A marriage that is supposed to be monogamous can't suddenly become poly because one person wants to get some on the side. Gimme a break.

So, in your universe, it boils down to denial or divorce.

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ORIGINAL: iadiedee

Hello all;
My few cents on this topic needs a little background. Master and i came together in a monogamous M/s relationship. We had open discussion, made missteps over time and are now looking to add to our home. We now consider ourselves to be polymaurous and hope to find a 2nd that can fill in where i'm unable to either "be" or to interact with Master.  I now have limitations that i didn't and am very open to having a slave sister or brother to love.  In the first few months Master went behind my back online to have cyber interactions with others - in all manners, he cheated. I was not brought into it, nor did he make me aware of his intentions at that time.  Similar to this married couple that I'm reading about here. 

NOW he includes me, asks for my input and we have had two trials with submissives that sadly failed due to their own actions or decisions.

A home can go from monogamous to polymaurous as long as all parties are involved in the decision making processes.  I know many M/s relationships go with the Master/Mistress making all of the decisions and the slave having no input. Master and i considered that but since we're both very opinionated we ask for the others input and then his decision is made.

This, of course, is how it works for us. There's no do all/be all that will work for everyone. I would suggest that any considering changing the house makeup do one extremely important thing with the most important component being honesty - COMMUNICATE.  If it doesn't sit right with all parties involved then it should not happen.

Regards to all
dee, precious jewel to Master

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

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A marriage that is monogamous can't *suddenly* become poly but it can become poly.

The deck is so stacked in favor of romantic ideals, "shoulds," and cheating that Poly barely ever seems to have a fighting chance. It makes me think of Stef's "lonely old man."

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264916/mpage_1/key_van/tm.htm#265012

Of course there's nothing like good old 60s propaganda either:

> Parents, teachers, and concerned adults all counsel against premature marriage. But they rarely speak the truth about marriage as it really is in modern middle class America. The truth as I see it is that contemporary marriage is a wretched institution. It spells the end of voluntary affection, of love freely given and joyously received. Beautiful romances are transmuted into dull marriages, and eventually the relationship becomes constricting, corrosive, grinding, and destructive. The beautiful love affair becomes a bitter contract.

The basic reason for this sad state of affairs is that marriage was not designed to bear the burdens now being asked of it by the urban American middle class. It is an institution that evolved over centuries to meet some very specific functional needs of a non industrial society. Romantic love was viewed as tragic, or merely irrelevant. Today it is the titillating prelude to domestic tragedy, or, perhaps more frequently, to domestic grotesqueries that are only pathetic.

Marriage was not designed as a mechanism for providing friendship, erotic experience, romantic love, personal fulfillment, continuous lay psychotherapy, or recreation. The Western European family was not designed to carry a lifelong load of highly emotional romantic freight. Given its present structure, it simply has to fail when asked to do so. The very idea of an irrevocable contract obligating the parties concerned to a lifetime of romantic effort is utterly absurd. <

Mervyn Cadwallader
Writing in THE ATLANTIC, 1966

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ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I like Dr. Phil; he is honest and to the point. I don't watch him all the time, but for the most part, I agree with the man. He mixes common sence with therapy, nothing wrong with that. Why so many naysayers and badmouthers of Dr. Phil. Honestly, if you think you could do a better job and give better advice then get your docterine in psychology and have at it. I have read some of the research he mentions and I have read ones that say the oppoiste, most of those are from years ago he quotes semi-recent studies.