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Need Advice - 5/2/2009 3:28:33 PM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline 		Resently i feel that my Master no longer cares for my safety and well being, i got physical hurt very badly last night ( it was an accident) but He didnt seem to care in the least bit even though He was the one to cause the pain and make a injury i already had much worse. What should i do about this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 3:50:18 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		If you need medical assistance due to what he did: get it.
If he has no regard for your safety and wellbeing: leave him.
If he causes you injury and does not respond: leave him.
If you really need advice on what to do: get counseling.

I understand you may have a need to come here, talk and get support.
My point is that if you have misplaced your common sense, perhaps you need help in finding it again.

I am sorry you were injured.
I am sorry his lack of care is causing you emotional distress.
Take care of yourself.

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 3:52:35 PM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline 		Ok thank you, i have debaited on leaving Him for it. i think maybe your right, maybe it is the right thing to do. :(

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 3:54:04 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The way i see it, if my Sir doesn't care about my health and safety, he doesn't get to play with his toy. It's more important for me to be intact than it is for him to play.
Perhaps you need to tell him about the way you see him interacting with you.  If he continues to behave this way, and refuses to change, then you need to decide if being in this relationship is more important than your physical wellbeing.

Maybe there is a reason for his perceived lack of care. You need to ask him - that way, hopefully, you get an honest answer, and you can base a decision on that. Assuming that you know what is going on can set you up for trouble - you really need to know for sure what is going on.

Good luck.

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 3:57:56 PM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline 		i know He didn't mean to hurt me, at least i think i do. ill have a talk with Him when He gets home from work and let Him know if this doesn't stop then im going to go be on my way. i mean i know He loves me i just wasnt exspecting Him to do what He did and not care about it in the least bit. it kinda startled me into thinking maybe He isnt the right one for me

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 5:05:55 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Here is how I see it: if I am to put myself into someone else's hands then I have to trust them.
I have to trust that if something goes wrong (because at some point it probably will) s/he will be able to respond in an appropriate manner.

Maybe he was unaware.
I remember that he is not a mind reader and I tell him if something is not right.

I have to trust that my welfare is their priority, and if it isn't then I don't trust them enough to play.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 5/2/2009 5:06:32 PM >

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 5:11:11 PM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline 		i did tell Him that my neck was really bothering me, and 90% of the time He is very careful not to do anything that might hurt me. i did let Him know that He had hurt me and He said there was no possible way He could of hurt me from the way He grabbed me but He did and He just wont believe that it happened. He still isnt home from work but should be soon. ill talk to Him then

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Need Advice - 5/2/2009 7:25:02 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		How do you know he doesn't care? Did you ask him? Does he know something was wrong and that you were injured? Did you give him some kind of sign that you were hurting?

If not then I say the fault lies partly with you.

How long have you been together? Do you talk often about things other than your bdsm kinks and interests?

I would say if you haven't done any of the above and you haven't been together very long then you have a lot more to think about then just calling it off with him or even if you should at all.

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 12:12:04 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Here is how I see it: if I am to put myself into someone else's hands then I have to trust them.
I have to trust that if something goes wrong (because at some point it probably will) s/he will be able to respond in an appropriate manner.

Maybe he was unaware.
I remember that he is not a mind reader and I tell him if something is not right.

I have to trust that my welfare is their priority, and if it isn't then I don't trust them enough to play.


Ditto.  Plus, did you ask Him if He cared?  When you said "i did let Him know that He had hurt me and He said there was no possible way He could of hurt me from the way He grabbed me but He did and He just wont believe that it happened," it sounds to me like He's not admitting that He hurt you so He won't have to deal with the fact that He did.  Or He really doesn't see how He could've.  But YOU are the best judge of whether YOU are hurt or not, and YOU say you ARE.  Is He calling you a liar?  i don't know from your post how long Y/you two have been together, but if He won't deal with it when He hurts you, do you really want to be?  What if this happens again?  Maybe i'm just being a hard ass, but you do have some thinking to do.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 1:45:45 AM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

How do you know he doesn't care? Did you ask him? Does he know something was wrong and that you were injured? Did you give him some kind of sign that you were hurting?

If not then I say the fault lies partly with you.

How long have you been together? Do you talk often about things other than your bdsm kinks and interests?

I would say if you haven't done any of the above and you haven't been together very long then you have a lot more to think about then just calling it off with him or even if you should at all.




He does care i talked to Him today, He was just caught up in the moment, Yes He knows im injured and that He hurt me. We have been living together for 8 months and W/we talk all the time about everything and anything that comes to mind. Weather its about the past, what happened that day, or what W/we want for the future W/we always talk.

But to sum everything up W/we talked He said sorry and that He didnt realized how bad He hurt me. Everything is ok now and i want to thank everyone for their advice :)

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 2:09:04 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		I am glad you seem to have patched it up, but be careful in the future, both of you.  The old saying comes to mind, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."  I can accept once being an accident, twice is either carelessness or just not caring period... or worse.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 2:18:09 AM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline 		Understandable, but i trust Him so im sure it wont happen again, and as soon as i get to the doctor and get my neck fixed it wont happen ever again lol

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 1:25:36 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveGirlNihel

Understandable, but i trust Him so im sure it wont happen again, and as soon as i get to the doctor and get my neck fixed it wont happen ever again lol


I am sorry, truly I am, to be the damp blanket on the "lol" ~ "it'll never happen again."
 
C1C2 can be snapped so easily and without much force.
 
I do trust my chiropractor 100%.  When he has my face and neck in his hands working on C1-5, as much as I trust my Sir, I would much rather neck be in Dr. Don's hands.
 
Please be careful Nihel.

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 10:47:19 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveGirlNihel

Ok thank you, i have debaited on leaving Him for it. i think maybe your right, maybe it is the right thing to do. :(


A lot of people come to the boards with questions about what to do after being hurt, cheated on, disrespected, etc.

I always feel like a home wrecker when I suggest that breaking up might be the right thing to do. Furthermore, I believe that people automatically filter out advice, when you suggest anything too extreme. Asking someone to throw away years of their life, and an entire lifestyle is too daunting, and they dismiss the input overly fast.

I'm not suggesting you leave him, but I am suggesting you be objective in your assessment of abuse. First, try to get a precise measure of how often he hurts you/has hurt you. Second, familiarize yourself with the cycle of abuse. After that, determine if he is abusive.

Assuming he's not (because if he was, you stopped reading and started packing), assess your expectations of each other. What does your dynamic hold about hurting each other? Even a slave can be explicit in requests - Do you have/want a safe word?

Sometimes accidents happen in isolated incidents. Sometimes slaves develop battered wife syndrome. That's for you to decide.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to SlaveGirlNihel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 11:04:15 PM   
SlaveGirlNihel


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/24/2009
From: Orange Park, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

A lot of people come to the boards with questions about what to do after being hurt, cheated on, disrespected, etc.

I always feel like a home wrecker when I suggest that breaking up might be the right thing to do. Furthermore, I believe that people automatically filter out advice, when you suggest anything too extreme. Asking someone to throw away years of their life, and an entire lifestyle is too daunting, and they dismiss the input overly fast.

I'm not suggesting you leave him, but I am suggesting you be objective in your assessment of abuse. First, try to get a precise measure of how often he hurts you/has hurt you. Second, familiarize yourself with the cycle of abuse. After that, determine if he is abusive.

Assuming he's not (because if he was, you stopped reading and started packing), assess your expectations of each other. What does your dynamic hold about hurting each other? Even a slave can be explicit in requests - Do you have/want a safe word?

Sometimes accidents happen in isolated incidents. Sometimes slaves develop battered wife syndrome. That's for you to decide.



He isnt abusive in was an accident and it has beed resloved. and yes i have a safe word and i this was the only time i EVER had to use it. but everything is ok now W/we talked and cleared up a misunderstanding

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 11:07:01 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Anyone who's response to their submissive saying they are hurt, that denies that they could have been hurt, isn't reacting in a way I would find responsable or reasonable.  I don't care how sorry they are later on.  Am I hardcore on this?  You bet I am!  Any injury that isn't handled correctly from the start, anyone not believing their submissive and discrediting them is breaking down trust and is rather cruel in my eyes.  A neck or spine injury is serious and could have life long ramifications.

You said you already had an injury and for your dominant to even go near the area of a pre-existing injury and then to treat you as if he didn't do anything that could have hurt you suggests to me that this dominant isn't responsible and could be dangerous.  what the hell was he doing messing with an area that is so vital with a pre-existing injury?

I'm sorry isn't good enough.  He needs a bit of training on the human body and some medical things before he has a right to be his domly self and play with you.  I hope you will be smarter... and protect yourself until he has learned how to do things, what to do and not do and to be accountable when he has done something.  He should trust that when you say you are hurt, you are hurt.  How disrespectful!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need Advice - 5/3/2009 11:23:55 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Ok let me see if i got this...you go from your original post stating you question your doms care for you to this post.....
"Ok thank you, i have debaited on leaving Him for it. i think maybe your right, maybe it is the right thing to do. :("    

To this post ....
  "i know He didn't mean to hurt me, at least i think i do. ill have a talk with Him when He gets home from work and let Him know if this doesn't stop then im going to go be on my way. i mean i know He loves me i just wasnt exspecting Him to do what He did and not care about it in the least bit. it kinda startled me into thinking maybe He isnt the right one for me
You said "if this doesn't stop" How long has it been going on?? Well then you posted this.....
  "He does care i talked to Him today, He was just caught up in the moment, Yes He knows im injured and that He hurt me. We have been living together for 8 months and W/we talk all the time about everything and anything that comes to mind. Weather its about the past, what happened that day, or what W/we want for the future W/we always talk.

But to sum everything up W/we talked He said sorry and that He didnt realized how bad He hurt me. Everything is ok now and i want to thank everyone for their advice :)
Are you saying he didnt believe you when you DID tell him at the time it happened? Or are you saying you DIDN'T really tell him?


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 17
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