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RE: The competitive subbie - 5/6/2009 10:53:31 PM

StormsSlave

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It's possible he was just curious about the hardest spanking she ever gave.

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RE: The competitive subbie - 5/7/2009 6:09:45 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
A submissive who wants to compete with others on the basis of pain tolerance is focused on themself. A submissive who wants to push their own limits, again, is focused on themself.

Maybe this shouldn't bother me, but it seems like a submissive should be Dominant-focused and should strive for praise from them rather than get their satisfaction internally.

I think DesFip summed it up for me. As much as I love Master and strive to please Him and love His praise, I am a realist. Master could get hit by a bus tomorrow and, if I only can get satisfaction or healthy self-esteem from or through Him, where would I be then? Part of why He loves me so much is because I can survive and thrive without Him. I don't have to depend upon and cling to Him but I CHOOSE to.

That said, I don't "compete" with others. I do like to endure more and more pain-wise but not to compete with someone else. I compete with myself. "Can I take more tonight than I did last week?," etc. I do this for both myself and Him. He is proud of me when I progress though He doesn't put a whole lot of importance of "how much" I can take. Each time is different.

luci

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RE: The competitive subbie - 5/7/2009 7:09:58 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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I think in an ideal world the submissive would be focused just on the dominant and his/her needs, but we're all human....

Quite a lot of people might call themselves submissives but are actually masochists, so we might have a terminology problem too.

I don't think that wanting to have your limits pushed is just selfish, I'd be much more comfy with somebody who communicates the needs they have than to expect me to guess everything. You could even go further and say submission is selfish, because they get their joy from submitting and they just answer a need that is in them... Nobody would actually do anything if they don't get anything out of it themselves, so most of our actions are motivated by selfishness....

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RE: The competitive subbie - 5/9/2009 6:31:10 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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Some of the competitiveness could come from being new and excited. I remember as a new slave telling my Master that I wanted to be the best slave he ever had. I meant it for all of the right reasons - I was showing my willingness to please, wanted to make him proud of how hard I was trying, etc.

Now, with experience under my belt, I would be more likely to say, "I want to be the best slave I can possibly be for you". The reasons behind it are the same but now I am no longer aiming at the goal of being better than someone else. Besides, it's like comparing apples to oranges - there are things that I may be very good at that someone else might not have done as well but the opposite could as easily be the case.

Subs/slaves need to have pride in themselves and their actions as much as Doms/Masters (insert correct gender) do. Submission doesn't mean giving up thinking about yourself. It's more about not putting ourselves first.

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RE: The competitive subbie - 5/9/2009 11:34:10 AM

maat

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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To me atleast, whanting to have my limits pushed is another way to say that i whant and desires to grow. Maybe it is a language thing but i dont se anything wrong with this. I whant and need to grow, i whant and need to go deaper and learn more about my submission.

As i learn more about myself as a submissive i discover that i can do many things i wuld previusly have said no to as hard limits but my Master finds them enjoyable so i whant to learn or atleast experience them before i make my mind up. As i try more, as i trust more i expand my sumbission and i push my own limits in order to please my Master. I have things now that i love that i wuld have said no to many years ago out of fear. But i push, i learn and i grow. And i dont se anything wrong with this.

Pushing limits are not always about competing with others.

i know in my first few years as a submissive i did many stupied things simply becuse i didnt understand what beeing submissive realy was or ment to me. Now i know better and i (hopefully) make less mistakes.

One big ting about beeing submissive to me is to be open. to be open to be lead and to be open to beeing pushed and i learnt that i enjoy playing on the edge of what i can and what i think i cant do. I love to go beyond what i thought i culd when my Master takes me there. I love that i can join Him were He whants to take me.

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RE: The competitive subbie - 5/9/2009 12:02:40 PM

whimzgirl

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Joined: 4/19/2009
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Master Steven,

I know in my own relationship, My Master expects me to be focused on His needs and one of His needs is that I explore my perceived limits (I say perceived because I am a slave and as such do not have my own limits but trust My Master to keep me safe) and continually improve myself. I know that He would not be pleased if I was looking at someone else and trying to compete with what they are able to do or who they are. He insists that I am myself and that I not try to outdo someone else. He does, however, challenge me to stretch and grow into what He knows I am able to do when I myself cannot see it. I guess that would be a sort of competition with my own vision of who I am but never am I to compete with someone else. He constantly pushes me to see myself as He does.

Does that mean that I don't look at others and wish I had some of their traits? No...but I recognize this in myself and work hard to turn that attitude around to less of a competition with them and more of an introspective examination of my own traits. My Master has been pointing out to me traits that I had no idea I possessed. Our relationship is not one of pain boundaries but rather of emotional boundaries so his focus is on my emotional traits but I think it all comes out in the wash -- pushing your limits is pushing your limits regardless of the flavor.

I hope that I understood your question as you intended and that my answer was pleasing.

Respectfully,

gabby

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