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RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 2:24:31 PM

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The only conclusion that I would draw is that people looking for fantasy repsond to the ad that is fantasy based (the first one). People looking for a reality-based relationship would respond to the second, reality-based advert. Since you got fewer responses to the second than the first I'd say there are way more people online looking for fantasy than there are looking for reality-based relationships. Hardly surprising.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 2:37:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I don't think that knowing what one wants means that you can't have an adventure/learning experience/discovery when meeting people.
Julie

No, it just means you can't have "an adventure/learning experience/discovery" with people "you don't want," who may, ironically, offer the real love & connection that gets you off. Knowing "what I want" is a form of blindness to everything outside of that pre set field of vision.

I fail to see how knowing what I want as far as compatibility makes me blind to everyone else. As I stated, it needs to go beyond words in a profile or ideas in ones head if you are going to establish a connection that lasts. If you limit your interactions in that way, feel free. I do not.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 2:38:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Does anyone have any observations regarding the theme, style of their personals and what the responses to them have been?

Akasha

I've tried to keep mine real, what I am currently looking for and what I expect. To date I have had ONE, and only one, reply that I would consider a legitimate nibble from someone who actually read the profile and understood what I was looking for.

Like Dusty... I think 90% of the people replying to personals are wankers looking to get laid the way they want it. In otherwords, pushy bottoms.

We'll see what happens with the nibble. I replied... the ball is in their court now.

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 2:54:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I don't think that knowing what one wants means that you can't have an adventure/learning experience/discovery when meeting people. I had a paragraph in my early CM profile that listed some things like age, smoking preference, and some general traits that I find attractive. I didn't believe that those things were limiting, but they were things that I had decided were important to me as far as compatibility. Would I automatically exclude a person who contacted me outside of my preferences? No, but there would have to have been something in our dialogues that would draw me in and hold my interest, and the feeling would have to be mutual. Did that happen often? No, and not even with people who fell within my parameters.

I enjoy meeting people and getting to know them, but I am also capable of knowing when I "click" with someone on a deeper level, and it goes way beyond a profile.

Be well,
Julie

Sure -- everybody has their preferences and deal-breakers. I'm not saying that deciding what's important to you shuts you off from new adventures. Not at all. and I'm really talking about issues that go way past the CM profile, so we're on the same page there.

Let me put my point a different way and see if it doesn't resonate with you a little better.

Suppose you're walking down the street and you see two people -- a young man and a young woman, both in their mid-20s, let's say. You ask the woman, "what are you looking for in a mate?" You'll get a novel. She will paint a vivid picture for you of EXACTLY what she is looking for. It will be very detailed. If she meets a guy who she has chemistry with, but who doesn't meet certain criteria, I think women are more skilled at saying, you know this just isn't going to work, and giving that guy a pass.

Now...ask the guy, and you're going to get something much more vague. In practice, he's going to fall for a woman who's attractive to him in ways that he will have a hard time articulating. I don't think most men, at the age they're looking for wives, really give a whole lot of thought to it. And because of that they're much more likely to be swayed by emotions/feelings than a woman is.

Now, I am TOTALLY generalizing here, but all I'm trying to say is that women give this whole issue a lot of very considered rational thought, and men tend not to.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 3:03:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

When posting an ad on the internet as a woman (and a femdom) you have to be prepared to open the floodgates. When I was 30 and using that ad, I was looking more for a "boytoy" than a boyfriend, per se. So a lot of the physical stuff came into play, and it's a good way to filter, and at least reduce the numbers. It also fit the "image" of the kind of guy I would want on my arm at the types of places I went -- fetishy, youthful, etc.

When it comes to falling in love or finding a soul mate, pretty much all those kinds of "criteria" go out the window. I look back at my old criteria:

I prefer artistic types, shy is ok. You don't need to be god's gift to
women, but be self confident and have good qualities that you are proud of.
If you are a bit on the thin, femme side, even better. My tastes don't
usually run toward perfect bodies, gym types, jocks, military, or
super-short hair, but I won't rule it out totally.

The man I fell for:

* does not have an artistic bone in his body; he is a numbers/financial brain type
* is not shy at all
* thin, femme? not a chance! he isn't a "pretty boy" -- he's conservative in appearance
* super short hair? It was a deal breaker back then. My man keeps his head shaved most of the time, but when he grows it out (for me) it's still incredibly short
* perfect body, gym types? that was a limit for me also. Yet the man I am spending my life with is an athlete all year round in more sports than I can keep track of.

Once there is chemistry, the person you are with morphs into your "physical ideal." I never would have given him a second look at a public party, work function, or friend's house. He would have been the type my best friend went for - the blonde Canadian "jock." Not me, I was looking for the pretty boys. I was certain I would end up with a highly creative, but career-minded type; an architect, a graphic designer, a composer, an artist.

It's a reminder I suppose that having strict criteria is not always a good thing. But I think what comes naturally is that you develop chemistry in places where you believed there might be none. The trick is to not eliminate all people who are not your PERFECT fit, instead, give it time, and see what develops.

Akasha

I appreciate what you're saying. I picked on the example of your fetishy/boytoy ideal, but that probably wasn't very fair, because I was really making more of a vanilla point about men & women in general.

But still, I would bet good money that the guy you eventually fell for, who became your husband, even if he didn't meet your boytoy criteria, met all of your *husband* criteria to a "T".

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 3:23:03 PM

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From: Ontario, Canada
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I would never reply to the first, though I'm pretty sure I've seen close cousins to it still in use.

I would reply to one similar to the second, if I fit the requirements.

Tasha

_____________________________

"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 3:31:59 PM

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Hello Akasha. I don't fit your criteria (much to my misfortune, I'm sure), but if I did, I'd be sending a long earnest letter in response to your second ad, and rolling my eyes at the first one.

But since I don't, I won't. I was thinking about how two guys in this thread said that they wouldn't answer the second ad either because the relationship you describe isn't what they would want. They seemed to imply that this was a bad thing.

But I think that's a good thing. By being specific, you let us know that we aren't good matches for you and saved us the trouble of writing you long earnest letters. I, for one, appreciate that.

I've got a "reality-based" profile too, and I wish everybody did.

Fiddlegirl

(in reply to tasha_tart)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 3:37:22 PM

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hi Akasha

I have been a fan of yours for a while you had those stories about the hockey players suffocating in the air tight penalty boxes?
Anyway I am a friend of the artist Lady Carole (I know name dropping) I thought I would say hi to you.. I am the erotic horror artist mantis

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 5:02:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fiddlegirl

But I think that's a good thing. By being specific, you let us know that we aren't good matches for you and saved us the trouble of writing you long earnest letters. I, for one, appreciate that.

I'm one of those two guys and not entirely sure I agree with you :). Part of the opening post appeared to be about what profiles people answer and why they do/don't. Why so few people answer the second one as opposed to the first. Knowing why someone wouldn't be interested in a profile can be useful information, especially given some of those points are easily fixed without needing to alter any of the meaningful parts of the profile (i.e. I.e. I am single/dating/engaged/married/etc and my SO doesn't exist/doesn't know/is ok with this/etc).

(in reply to fiddlegirl)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 5:49:39 PM

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From: Nashville, TN
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When I first joined CM my profile read like the first one. I got an unbelievable amount of emails literally 20-30 per day. Usually they fell in one of four categories:
1) married or otherwise attached and looking for cyber or phone sex.
2) BLATANTLY looking for cyber or phone sex.
3) pretending to be interested in meeting but really just looking for cyber or phone sex.
4) living in another country and want to sell thier possessions, quit their jobs, and come to be my slave, or if that's not really possible maybe we could have cyber or phone sex?

I did talk with a few that were sincere, and met a few in person. I'm not big on long drawn out online or phone relationships, so if they were close to me I met them within a week or two of the first email. But there was always some discussion before meeting, at least enough that they should have known that I was a real person not some breathing Domme caricature. And with the exception of ONE they were terribly disappointed and upset that I didn't show up to dinner wearing a full leather catsuit and lock their cocks up in chastity devices.

SOOOOOOOOO, I changed my profile, I toned it down a little bit and now I get a few responses a day. Certainly not the amount that I got with the first one. The are still a few respondents that fall into those categories...but at least there are less to delete and block.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 6:01:28 PM

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I think your first one was pointing to fetish people just wanting to be used and abused sexually. I think your second one would have been enough to get me to email you, if I had the guts.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 6:10:21 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
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From: Arizona
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousPuppy

quote:

ORIGINAL: fiddlegirl

But I think that's a good thing. By being specific, you let us know that we aren't good matches for you and saved us the trouble of writing you long earnest letters. I, for one, appreciate that.

I'm one of those two guys and not entirely sure I agree with you :). Part of the opening post appeared to be about what profiles people answer and why they do/don't. Why so few people answer the second one as opposed to the first. Knowing why someone wouldn't be interested in a profile can be useful information, especially given some of those points are easily fixed without needing to alter any of the meaningful parts of the profile (i.e. I.e. I am single/dating/engaged/married/etc and my SO doesn't exist/doesn't know/is ok with this/etc).

I might agree with you wholeheartedly, CuriousPuppy, but I have to have some reservations on your opinion. I have yet to meet the boy who either does not read the profile at all, or figures he is the one who can get around certain criteria, such as age, marital status, types of play, etc.
I am not seeking at this time, and My profile clearly states that, yet I have received 9 emails today, 4 of which asked Me to chat and gave Me chat ID's on yahoo/aol. Two others included telephone numbers. Three of the supplicants were overseas. Another boy asked Me if I had a cam.
I also state I do not chat.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

The only conclusion that I would draw is that people looking for fantasy repsond to the ad that is fantasy based (the first one). People looking for a reality-based relationship would respond to the second, reality-based advert. Since you got fewer responses to the second than the first I'd say there are way more people online looking for fantasy than there are looking for reality-based relationships. Hardly surprising.

By George, I think she's got it!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 2/5/2006 6:11:10 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to CuriousPuppy)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 6:30:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
I might agree with you wholeheartedly, CuriousPuppy, but I have to have some reservations on your opinion. I have yet to meet the boy who either does not read the profile at all, or figures he is the one who can get around certain criteria, such as age, marital status, types of play, etc.

It took me a couple times of reading this before I started to figure out what you were talking about, but it does happen pretty often that completely random people say hello and start on about how I would be the perfect sub for them without bothering to look at my profile to see i'm
1. not what they are looking for
2. he wrong sex for them and
3. thousands of miles away.
I would be happy to dig out some logs of such conversations though if you doubt them :). I wasn't talking about having "I'm straight" in my profile and a guy saying hello thinking that it might work out (it very possibly could and wouldn't be the first time), but a guy messaging me and going to great lengths to say he only wants to be with femals and has no interest in other males... but is talking to one and going on about how I would be the perfect sub for him even though he doesn't even realize I'm a guy.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 6:42:44 PM

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Joined: 1/30/2006
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I have only been on here for a few days. I have been very specific about what I'm looking for. It seems that people don't even read the profile - my profile specifies that I'm looking for a sub male between 40 and 50 that is not married and available some evenings and weekends. Most of the messages I have gotten have been from men who are younger or older than what I'm looking for, who live in other states/countries, and many of whom are married and can only meet during the day. I choose not to reply to most messages from people who do not meet my specifications. I have gotten some very nice messages from people who know they are outside the parameters I set saying how straight forward and well written my profile is and I'm glad to message them back with a nice thank you. And believe it or not, I have gotten a few messages from people who actually DO meet the specifications I listed and I've exchanged some very nice emails with them. I liken it to casting you line into the ocean - you never know what you're going to reel in!!!

Sassy

< Message edited by MightySassyOne -- 2/5/2006 6:43:18 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 8:10:00 PM

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
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quote:

Does anyone have any observations regarding the theme, style of their personals and what the responses to them have been?

No, however based on the rest of Your post i would like to observe that i Love the way Your mind works.

st50

_____________________________

i want to be your ... #1 lowest common denominator.

Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blink of an eye.

(in reply to mantis65)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/5/2006 9:11:33 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65

hi Akasha

I have been a fan of yours for a while you had those stories about the hockey players suffocating in the air tight penalty boxes?
Anyway I am a friend of the artist Lady Carole (I know name dropping) I thought I would say hi to you.. I am the erotic horror artist mantis

Yes, I still have the fantasies about hockey players in air tight penalty boxes. That one just won't loose it's "oomph" for me!

Hi right back attya!

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to mantis65)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/6/2006 12:10:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I had a profile that I thought was reasonably friendly,made Me approachable, but was clear in My expecations and what I was seeking. I got lots of mail, mostly from wankers who wanted to convince Me that I should dominate them in such and such a way.
I changed My profile to be more stern (not "on your knees, a**hole") but seriously defining "slave", what that means, and again what My expectations entailed and very specifically outlining how I expected to be approached. I got lots of mail, mostly from wankers who wanted to convince Me that I should dominate them in such and such a way.
I now have a profile that states I am not seeking at this time and I do not chat. I get lots of mail, mostly from wankers who want to convince Me that I should dominate them in such and such a way.
Maybe it is the height, weight and photos?

Umm... are you saying that regardless of how you post a profile, you're going to get lots of mail, but mostly from wankers who want to convince you that you should dominate them in such and such a way?

I'm shocked and outraged ...

BTW... nice to see you back and posting again.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 2/6/2006 12:34:41 AM

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Amazing. The second ad is infinitely more appealing. The first is so absurdly unrealistic that it would have to be either a joke, from someone with no actual experience, or from someone deliberately playing to the fantasies of wannabe subs.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: How to attract a sub via personals - 4/17/2006 5:56:47 AM

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From: Moscow, Idaho
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Shamelessly bumping this topic as I find it interesting and never at a loss for words have something to say in response to the OP.

That first one reads like my ex-professional website did. ;) Yes, it generated a plethora of attention. I've experimented with ads since I first posted one on the site which shall not be named, every knows the meat market I speak of. Even with my ad there reading just about word for word that it does here, I still get responses that evoke my response to trash them in file 13, or better yet, respond with a scathing comment or two about the emailer's reading comprehension issues.

I have a tendency to be rather outspoken, bold and blunt in all my communications, profile not excepted, but my current one, as it is, rather concise and to the point, has netted the best responses overall that I've ever received anywhere. Yes, I am still somewhat hounded by the illiterate, who simply can't see past the photos, they must blurr their eyes or something, but overall, directness, seems to work. If I thought it would help, I'd remove my pictures.

I think it really all depends on who someone is ultimately seeking, and being able to articulate it as accurately as possible. The profile tweaking will continue...

~LG

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to slatyb)

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