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LafayetteLady -> RE: I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? (5/14/2009 2:30:31 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: barelynangel
Also -- has the OP considered since someone has to stay home with the kid, maybe HE can stay home with the baby and SHE go find a job? I mean it may not be ideal but if her husband can't hold a job and she believes she would be much better at it, why doesn't she let him stay home with the baby (since she says SHE must) and she go out and get the job she can maintain better than he can?
Yeah its not easy. Maybe its time to stop focusing so much on your depression because i hate to say it but it seems to be an excuse? Yeah i know people are going to freak because i said such a thing but it seriously sounds like she is using that as a crutch. I know MANY people who state they have depression and still go out and function and maintain jobs etc becaue they HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. And i also don't agree with many people advocating her getting on assistance. Sorry but you have 2 kids who are young, who have the ability to work. Sounds to me like they simply don't want to make sacrifices. I don't believe them getting on assistance is the answer, i believe them growing up would be a good idea.
I am not all that sympathetic with their plight -- why? Because i have known women and Men who have had NO SUPPORT system from any of their family (much less one who offers a room to live and probably food etc) who have sacrificed and did everything possible to move themselves up from the situation they have found themselves in, have scrapped and scrimped etc. And it sounds to me that this OP is simply not willing to sacrifice but instead blame her husband. IF she thinks she can do it on her own, she should then be able to do it while married in my opinion.
When he is home -- take the baby, pluck it on his lap and let HIM deal with his child. You could work nights while he works days and visaversa. And that way you may not need a babysitter. Gas Stations usually are open all day as are many grocery stores and drug stores, some gyms are also. You live in a house of how many people and none of them would be willing to let you borrow their car at night to work or a ride? Have you ASKED the people you live with for their assistance -- not in giving you money but advice or car assistance somehow etc? How does your husband get to work? Having such a low if not no income would probably allow you educational assistance also, have you thought about taking some online classes or college classes, many colleges have day cares and sometimes its income based or free.
Does all of this sound like fun -- nope, but there are times you have to do what you have to do. You have a child to think about. You can play the blame game all you want but in the end, its not going to FIX the issues.
angel
Angel,
You make wonderful points! I agree with you about nearly everything, except the assistance issue. Assistance can be as minimal as WIC to provide nutritious food for the baby and medical insurance (which OP and child need) to helping them find get into housing they can afford with their income. Security is the typical problem most people have in trying to find housing. I'm not going to say that people don't use Welfare as a crutch, because many do. Many also fraudulently collect and rob the system of moneys that others could use. But the people at Social Services will help guide her to affordable housing, healthcare and nutrition.
I do believe that there are a lot of excuses being tossed about and a lot of "I can't because". While the situation coupled with the depression creates a cycle where you are depressed about your situation, the situation gets worse, the depression worsens and on and on, breaking the state of inertia is the first step to improving all of it. One of the biggest things Social Services can help with is subsidized child care. For families that lack the education to obtain good paying jobs or are in an area where good paying jobs are scarce (which is pretty much everywhere these days), the cost of child care can outweigh the money that is made. On the other side of that, you made the excellent point that HE can care for the child as well. With a houseful of that many people, if they are all so horrible, it isn't a good environment for the child to begin with and affordable child care is best for the child.
At some point, the compassion, empathy and/or pity of others does nothing. The OP needs to get up, grow up and do what's necessary.
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