RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic? - 5/21/2009 6:49:00 PM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

* Asks you out on a date (do you think YOU should be the one asking, and will ask when you feel it's time?)

I am not offended in the least if a sub askes me out for a date. I get tired of doing all the work.

* Initiates a first kiss, or asks for a first kiss (should he just wait and let you make the move?
The first kiss should be spontaneous and romantic. M/s relationships are a relationship first.

Would you be annoyed if he said, "I'd really love to kiss you, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries...")

No
* Holds your hand (in a movie theater, on a walk), vs. waiting for you to take his hand and hold it first?

No
* Sends flowers or a small token of his affection and romantic interest?

No. I actually love romantic gesters such as these.

If a man behaves as a gentleman in the truest sense of the word in his courtship rituals, including being a bit aggressive, perhaps, do you find that to be an overstepping of "submissive role" and think the femdom should set the tone, leave the clues, or flat out initiate all appropriate relationship/courtship steps?

I do not collar someone right away. Before a sub gets into all that, they will know what my expectations are.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

_____________________________

Do not try to measure weight loss by pounds. Eat healthy and let it work slowly to achieve your goal.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic? - 5/21/2009 9:51:18 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

Of course it's possible for a sub to be too aggressive. If he's been in a relationship where that was encouraged (perhaps with a dominant bottom), he can feel that was the proper training. Having said that, I don't believe your examples constitute an aggressive sub, except maybe in initiating the kiss, without a clear feel that is what she wants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
* Asks you out on a date (do you think YOU should be the one asking, and will ask when you feel it's time?)

I expect a man to seek my attention, and treat me in a way that shows he is very interested, and willing to do what it takes to be with me=court me. I'm not saying that I wouldn't ask a man out, but it only usually happens when I'm already dating someone. If someone is sitting back waiting for me to ask him out, it'll be a very long wait. I have conversed with people where there was chemistry, and suggested we should meet. But if there is questionable chemistry, or we don't know, and we've had good exchanges, it would behoove him to ask me out if he wants to run into me.

quote:

* Initiates a first kiss, or asks for a first kiss (should he just wait and let you make the move? Would you be annoyed if he said, "I'd really love to kiss you, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries...")

I would prefer a man express a desire to kiss me or ask for permission... Because if he goes for it, and has not felt the vibe (I want to kiss him back) correctly, it will be his first and last kiss to me.

quote:

* Holds your hand (in a movie theater, on a walk), vs. waiting for you to take his hand and hold it first?

A little hand holding is kool.... Constant touching and kissing in public is possibly too much.

quote:

* Sends flowers or a small token of his affection and romantic interest?

That is one way to arouse my romantic interest... Being thoughtful, and considerate.

quote:

If a man behaves as a gentleman in the truest sense of the word in his courtship rituals including being a bit aggressive

If a man behaves as a gentleman, aggressiveness has absolutely nothing to do with it. In this regard, I have great initial dates with vanilla men, because they are so considerate, thoughtful, and servile in the initial stages of courtship. I find that when a gentleman isn't faking being one, he indeed does pay attention, asks for direction in how to treat a lady, and goes with her clues from there. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic? - 5/23/2009 6:27:07 AM

Lucine

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

I'd get pissy over some of these things, yes. I like a man to show he's truly interested in femdom by letting me set the pace and direction. If he was polite and respectful with a "I'd really love to kiss you but..." as mentioned I'd probably not get upset over that, and I never mind little gifts or notes sent as a token of appreciation (so long as I'm not getting swamped with messages and he's being clingy).

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic? - 5/24/2009 11:42:45 AM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

A sort of off-shoot of the "subs taking initiative" thread, and a few others. So when a sub is interested (in a potential relationship, romantic) in a femdom, is there such a thing as too aggressive, or inappropriately aggressive? Ladies, are you ever "put off" or offended, or annoyed, if a man:

* Asks you out on a date (do you think YOU should be the one asking, and will ask when you feel it's time?)
This would not bother me in the least. I have asked men out that interest me, but if I have caught someone's attention I have no problem with him asking me out.
* Initiates a first kiss, or asks for a first kiss (should he just wait and let you make the move? Would you be annoyed if he said, "I'd really love to kiss you, but I don't want to overstep my boundaries...")
For the most part here I would prefer the asking as it is a first kiss. After we have been together I don't object to his kissing me.
* Holds your hand (in a movie theater, on a walk), vs. waiting for you to take his hand and hold it first?
If he were to reach out hesitantly and touch my hand in a way the indicated a desire to hold hands without actually grabbing it and kind of waited for my response I would be fine with that.
* Sends flowers or a small token of his affection and romantic interest?
This would always be welcome. A simple note is wonderful. There was a sub that I had scened at a play party. The next day I received a lovely email thanking me for time and expressing an interest in getting to know me as a person and asking if he could take me to dinner. Very nice.

If a man behaves as a gentleman in the truest sense of the word in his courtship rituals, including being a bit aggressive, perhaps, do you find that to be an overstepping of "submissive role" and think the femdom should set the tone, leave the clues, or flat out initiate all appropriate relationship/courtship steps? Should she dictate, either verbally or through clear clues, "This is when the first kiss happens. This is when you can touch me. This is when you should start sending flowers and telling me about your feelings."
If he is a gentleman in the truest sense of the word, then if I felt he was overstepping his bounds I would let him know. Only if I found it overly aggressive and ungentlemanly would I become a bitch. Grabbing me or restraining me in someway to get a kiss would get a very sharp reaction and a stern reminder of his place. Leaning in to gently try to kiss me without having asked would get a different reaction.

Akasha

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Can a sub be too aggressive, too romantic? - 5/26/2009 2:13:50 AM

LAgirlsub

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline

Since you mentioned sub women, I wanted to respond to you....so you do feel in a similar way if it's a male or female sub?

And honestly, this is another area that I'm not sure how I feel/what I want to do...as a gay women I feel we often make up our own social rules (to a small extent) in dating and I'm honestly not sure how I want to handle simple things...such as what I think, for myself, in my mind and I probably shouldn't hold it against another woman because it's my 'rules' but I feel like the one who initiates the date is the one who pays for dinner or the coffee. She didn't know but the last date I had, of all things to hit golf balls, I sort of felt it was something less attractive about her (and maybe I was being unfair but I really didn't like it) that she invited me for this date, she wanted me to give her lessons and then she didn't do what I would have done and have pay for and gotten the bucket of balls. It seems silly but it sort of made me feel like I was asked out and I just could have gone there myself, I didn't need to be giving anyone lessons and it just didn't feel good in some way. I suppose because I would have treated her differently if we had switched positions.

So now when (tell me, the sweet dommes who read this, OK the tough ones too, it will happen someday - that a domme will meet me for a coffee date) if I ask her for the date, should I buy her the coffee - make the order, get it for her as I normally would - or would you prefer that I didn't? I almost shutter to think of dinner and paying the tab. I realize money is power and I'm somewhere down the line on this...if I asked a woman out (I so don't make big money but I could take her out to a simple dinner somewhere), I would want to show her that she matters and that I would be happy to pay for dinner. And the flip side of this, I guess that golf date made me feel - rightly or wrongly - a little less in some way. It shouldn't but I felt in that moment I should have been in a sense taken care of and it did bother me.

So we all have our struggles with social and personal feelings on this.

When it comes to making the first move (be it a kiss or something), I might feel it - I did big time with the petite aggressive woman who started me down this road - but she made the first move and I responded accordingly. Ironically, she said this and in some ways, I think it might be the first time that I'm sure this is what happened, she said she seduced me. Yes she did, big time. I responded in kind, but she initiated everything. Nothing can shock the system more then a tiny, feminine, younger woman trapping you in your kitchen. Still blows my mind.

And it told me something else - I felt safe with her (other then being in my condo which also made me feel more secure) because I knew I could bench press her if need be. So it's wild, to all the domme ladies reading this, her sexual persona had zero to do with physical strength. She was so passionate, aggressive and I just melted. I wanted to go anywhere she wanted to take me. Too bad she really didn't understand that. We could have had more fun.

So really - I would love some advice for when (sometime this century) I go out on a date with a domme woman - if say in email I ask her to meet me for a coffee, should I just ask what she'd like and get it for her? Or would she not like that? I want to stay far away from dinner...

I can think on my feet, something I respect in others, so I'll ultimately figure it out in the moment, but it would nice to have some feedback from the women here...and the extra monkey wrench in this is when I might date a younger domme. I don't care if any woman I'm with has money, the best would be if they can just take care of themselves. But younger women it might be harder for them financially.

I hope this didn't seem like hijacking this post...it's similar but a little different (I think anyway) with two women meeting. Thanks for the advice...for my future dates....I do have to be optimistic don't I?

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Profile

Post #: 25