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A little sub inside? - 2/7/2006 6:38:02 AM   
Kinkerkink


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Joined: 10/22/2005
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For some time now I have considered myself a switch. This is because there are times when I feel the need to give myself in a deep and open way, to the point of being used for my sub's pleasure in a mutual way as opposed to being in control of the scene. When she gets so completely turned on, there are times when I seem to lose the control aspect and just dive into the whole man/woman together as one experience.

I guess I am interested if those that identify themselves as Dom can relate to this experience. I used to think that it was a little bit of sub inside, needing to come out. The more I have expressed my Dom nature, the more it has intensified and I am beginning to wonder if I really am more Dom than I thought. My sub side does not yearn for humiliation or degradation. When I feel the urge to be a little sub, it is almost as though I want the pampering for myself, if that makes any sense. Not that a Dom can't care for themselves as well as their sub....I guess overall, I am a bit confused. <sigh>

Thanks for any insight....I know that there are many thoughtful folks here and I appreciate that fact.
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/7/2006 6:42:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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We all need balance. I find that I top more effectively after I have centered myself as a submissive and have been able to actively serve.

Find your balance.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kinkerkink)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/7/2006 12:36:12 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
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I guess its like the yin yang symbol..there is always that little dot of the other side within each role.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/8/2006 2:34:21 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

Kinkerkink:
I guess I am interested if those that identify themselves as Dom can relate to this experience.

As a Dom, no, I can't relate to your experience.... But then, I never went along with that sensitive new-age 90's crock of a man supposedly "getting in touch with his feminine side" either! pfft

But maybe it isn't about what you consciously consider yourself but the dynamic you best respond to (subconsciously AND consciously) when there's either a Dom/me or sub about to interact with. Your body usually doesn't lie to you but that doesn't stop us living in denial....

To be honest, I personally find switches a little confusing to figure out.... I've met approx only 3 - 4 self-proclaimed switches in my life (M & F) and all came across as submissive to my Dom persona so it's probably the lack of dominance in them (to *my* eyes) that makes me ponder the validity of switches. My experience of those few switches makes me conclude that, given a single choice, they'd prefer to be submissive in a relationship....

Me, I enjoy nothing more than being in control. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy cuddling up or administering some aftercare etc but those are things I also control the when and where of etc.... I happily confess to being a "control freak" when challenged; it's what turns *me* on.

Focus.

(in reply to Kinkerkink)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/8/2006 4:56:33 AM   
RavenMuse


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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkerkink
I guess I am interested if those that identify themselves as Dom can relate to this experience.


I'm with Focus on this one, it isn't something I can relate to. I simply can't give up that control of myself to another.

I don't however find switches confusing. It is simply how that person relates to me. If I draw out their sub side fine, if their Dom side then also fine but nothing is going to come of it apart from maybe an interesting conversation.

(in reply to Kinkerkink)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/8/2006 6:20:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
My experience of those few switches makes me conclude that, given a single choice, they'd prefer to be submissive in a relationship....

Were they also monogamous? For me and my switch friends, we're poly. So what "position" we are in in any one relationship can vary greatly.

My friend doesn't refer to herself as a switch, she uses the term "versatile." With her master she is always his slave. But she is also dominant to others in her leather family or what have you.

The thing with switches is that we DON'T have to make a single choice and we do not choose to be solely submissive. Just like bisexuals DON'T have to make a single choice on who they have sex with and do not choose to be solely heterosexual or homosexual.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/8/2006 9:23:08 PM   
theRose4U


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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

To be honest, I personally find switches a little confusing to figure out.... I've met approx only 3 - 4 self-proclaimed switches in my life (M & F) and all came across as submissive to my Dom persona so it's probably the lack of dominance in them (to *my* eyes) that makes me ponder the validity of switches. My experience of those few switches makes me conclude that, given a single choice, they'd prefer to be submissive in a relationship....


Just as an FYI because I think you've been able to read enough of my posts. In MY WORLD your logic doesn't track. I'm a Domme at heart the only reason that I label as switch is that I met the one alpha that I felt comfortable submitting too in THAT relationship. The idea that I'm really a sub that just hasn't met the right Dom to tame me for good frankly makes me ill to my very core.
My heart calls me Domme, honesty makes me Switch...frankly unless you're willing to submit then why do you CARE? I think the Dom idea that I'm lord domly dom and all others are just waiting to submit is a caveman idea, I'd actually thought you were open minded enough to have avoided.

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/8/2006 9:24:32 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

My friend doesn't refer to herself as a switch, she uses the term "versatile." With her master she is always his slave. But she is also dominant to others in her leather family or what have you.

The thing with switches is that we DON'T have to make a single choice and we do not choose to be solely submissive. Just like bisexuals DON'T have to make a single choice on who they have sex with and do not choose to be solely heterosexual or homosexual.


ABSOLUTELY AND AMEN....GO EM :)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/9/2006 2:56:39 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

To be honest, I personally find switches a little confusing to figure out.... I've met approx only 3 - 4 self-proclaimed switches in my life (M & F) and all came across as submissive to my Dom persona so it's probably the lack of dominance in them (to *my* eyes) that makes me ponder the validity of switches. My experience of those few switches makes me conclude that, given a single choice, they'd prefer to be submissive in a relationship....


Just as an FYI because I think you've been able to read enough of my posts. In MY WORLD your logic doesn't track. I'm a Domme at heart the only reason that I label as switch is that I met the one alpha that I felt comfortable submitting too in THAT relationship. The idea that I'm really a sub that just hasn't met the right Dom to tame me for good frankly makes me ill to my very core.
My heart calls me Domme, honesty makes me Switch...frankly unless you're willing to submit then why do you CARE? I think the Dom idea that I'm lord domly dom and all others are just waiting to submit is a caveman idea, I'd actually thought you were open minded enough to have avoided.

Daring to have and express a *personal opinion* qualifies me as a close-minded caveman? I'm a Dom who doesn't switch - period! If that's too difficult a concept to understand or unpalatable to accept then that would be your problem, not mine....

Here's some "FYI" back at you since you obviously didn't grasp my meaning in my first post.... I never said or implied I go 'round being some "Much Mighty Dom" to any and all subs or switches etc. Frankly, beating my chest after I've been dragging my knuckles about all day is just too painful to contemplate.

Remember this?
"But maybe it isn't about what you consciously consider yourself but the dynamic you best respond to (subconsciously AND consciously) when there's either a Dom/me or sub about to interact with. Your body usually doesn't lie to you but that doesn't stop us living in denial...."

The switches I've interacted with has meant there was a certain level of dynamic where they were deferring to me. It's not that I was actively dominating (and/or they submitting) nor even just being some "kneel bitch" arsehole barking commands. It means that the general vibe of our conversation and interaction was of them showing their submissive side and not the other. The body language was telling me they're sub (AT THAT POINT IN TIME) even though I *know* they openly define themselves as switch. And this was the point I was making to the OP. He *says* he's a switch (or Dom within that particular scene) but his body language and thought processes were telling him something else. As one who always believes actions speak louder than words, it seemed an obvious point to make!

Honestly, the only "dominant" switches I've ever come across are those online where there is no r/l dynamic for the body language to tell what's really true. And the loud ones often tend to be "too dominant", such is the security of Net anonymity....

So do try to remember I've only met a handful of switches and try to avoid the obvious temptation of telling me something ignorant like I need to get out more. I don't! And I make no apologies for relating *my* personal experiences here even if some have a problem with that - your experiences are not mine and vice versa. That's all it is....

Focus.


(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: A little sub inside? - 2/9/2006 3:09:53 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
My experience of those few switches makes me conclude that, given a single choice, they'd prefer to be submissive in a relationship....

Were they also monogamous? For me and my switch friends, we're poly. So what "position" we are in in any one relationship can vary greatly.

My friend doesn't refer to herself as a switch, she uses the term "versatile." With her master she is always his slave. But she is also dominant to others in her leather family or what have you.

The thing with switches is that we DON'T have to make a single choice and we do not choose to be solely submissive. Just like bisexuals DON'T have to make a single choice on who they have sex with and do not choose to be solely heterosexual or homosexual.

All the switches were people I'd only met socially and have no real knowledge of their personal relationships. One has a vanilla g/f but chases after any D/s he can get.... lol Me, I have no interest in poly so it's not something I seek out - I don't even bother with looking at threads with "poly" in the title.

Obviously I get that you "DON'T have to make a single choice", I was merely trying to make a point through separating the two for clarity.... Still, choices are made (even without a word being spoken) depending on the dynamic you're sharing with the other at that point in time, no?

Focus.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
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