RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse?

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/22/2009 5:29:44 AM

daintydimples

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Some great posts here, especially by Padriag and Aldompdx. However, I agree that it's possible to over-think and over-analyze things.

So I really like this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Remember that it only matters why you are who you are inasmuch as you intend to become what you want to be. We are all forged in a crucible of fire; the parts of us that come from trauma and pain are just as much "us" as the parts that come from love and fluffy bunnies. How boring we would all be without scars...

Now, to say this more plainly: Own every bit of yourself. Love it. Even the parts that you would normally feel embarrassed or ashamed of. Fuck, especially those parts. Love them. Be proud of them. They are as much you as anything else, and you are the satguru who makes the grass green. Thou art God. By which I mean, you are you - you're that ineffable "thing" that causes you to experience and choose and decide and wonder and imagine in a way that no one but you does, and everything that ever happened to you has led you to being this you, as opposed to any other - so you have a joyous responsibility to love and to cherish every moment that created you, for every one of them is your Mother and your Father.

... I hope all that made sense.

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Post #: 41

RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/22/2009 6:33:07 AM

CaringandReal

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Where does it all stem from?

I don't see the biological/genetic (aka "Sleeping Beauty") theory mentioned yet, so I'll bring that one up. Like all of these ideas, it's just a theory and probably only an occasional or contributing factor to what causes submissivness in someone who was abused.

It's possible that some people are born with genetic predispositions toward certain types of sexuality (such as homosexuality, for instance). If those predispositions are toward things outside the very narrow spectrum of what the majority considers to be "normal" or "good" sex, then they might not ever emerge as a practice or even be known as a conscious preference in a person unless there is some sort of trigger event that awakens them to this. For many people, such triggers come early in life when they are most malleable and open. Childhood abuse, according to this theory, won't cause anything to happen in a person with no genetic predisposition toward submissiveness and its related kinks. It will often, however, unlock a sexual appreciation of abuse in a person with the right genetic makeup. By "unlock" I don't mean an instant recognition. I mean that the way will be opened to finding things like degradation or pain in a sexual context enjoyable. Conscious recognition may not occur until the individual has been fully adult for a while and had some experience with sexual activity and needs to reflect upon. Or it may not happen at all. I think something similar occurs with other sexual interests, particularly fetishes, although of course it isn't childhood abuse that unlocks those types of sexuality, they are unlocked by some other triggering event that is specifically related to the fetish.

As some people have already mentioned, this is not a female-specific thing. Just ask any male submissive. :)

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Post #: 42

RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/23/2009 12:22:11 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewJerzeySubGirl

At this point in my life, I am done trying to figure myself out... I am more, just going with it. I am wondering if anyone has an explaination of why woman love the physical and mental abuse? Now, In everyday workplace, or vanialla lifestyle, if a Male was to call me a bitch or a whore, Id have a few choice words for them back. But when it comes to a D/S lifestyle or playtime, the words cant get more degrading for me to get off on it. The more degrading, the more I love it. I enjoy getting dragged from room to room by my hair, slapped around and beaten. BUT, would never let that happen in real time, real every day experiences I should say. Where does this all stem from? I was beaten as a child and into my early teens. I know I didnt like it then. Now, why at age 34, thats what Im seeking MOST!? I hope someone can give some positive insight to this all. Thank you in advance.

I can’t say how many women enjoy the type of lifestyle as described by the OP.
I would consider the controlled physical stimulates the endorphins.
I might think that the loss of control and power is a major draw along with the vulnerability and it is the vulnerability that gets the sexual juices flowing so to speak

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Post #: 43

RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/28/2009 2:53:59 AM

CNJDom

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NewJerzeySubGirl: I didn't have enough time to read all the responses yet before work, but so far; they are all very insightful and great answers. I would like to add that besides the influences and personality-shaping events that were internally processed bringing you to where you're at today with behaviors, fetishes, and preferences...there is also a certain amount of control you have now over what goes on in your life, where you didn't when you were younger. You related that you were beaten as a child into your teens. You didn't have any control over that I'm assuming. But now, you do have that control within this area of your life. One was meant to punish or was an outpouring of negativity or aggression pointed at you. This newer more improved beating is an option and meant to stimulate (hopefully) with a "happy ending"...

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/28/2009 6:36:46 AM

mnottertail

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OP,

Meh. Just something to do. You would glean far more insight into paradise, should you analyze why your macrophages do what they do, and leave the other unbounded and free to be.

Ron

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/28/2009 10:45:49 AM

myteeme

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Because it makes your feel ALIVE!!

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 8/28/2009 11:34:45 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewJerzeySubGirl

But when it comes to a D/S lifestyle or playtime, the words cant get more degrading for me to get off on it. The more degrading, the more I love it. I enjoy getting dragged from room to room by my hair, slapped around and beaten. BUT, would never let that happen in real time, real every day experiences I should say. Where does this all stem from?

i believe we each find pleasure in these things for different reasons. i don't feel it always stems from an event from an earlier part of our lives. sometimes the individual merely brings to the forefront latent desires or things we've hidden from ourselves due to social conditioning or merely because on some level we find them disturbing. i posed this question to myself a long time ago. while a book and personal experiences were the catalyst for the questions raised, i'll share what i discovered nonetheless.

the more he pushes, stretches, humiliates, and offends - the greater my love for him. the deeper i surrender, the more i yearn to serve. the more i crave these things. for in his actions are many levels of lessons that probe my mind and invade my heart to the degree that i find myself sinking, unable to stop, yielding more of myself to him. it is an honor to receive such. for like the heat that stings the willful bottom of the submissive, so too do these things serve as a reminder that i belong to him.

in the past i had difficulty accepting when he was less than sensitive, kind, or loving. not to say his intentions were to harm me, but were strategies employed to guide or aspects of his darker self that i refused to see. but now i can accept these things and do so without the promises and guarantees i once had. i crave his darkness, the way he speaks to and uses me. the objectification arouses me greatly because through endurance and acceptance i am providing a service to him and a much needed release for the feelings and sensations that swell within. by undergoing experiences devoid of emotion i am able to channel into another realm of myself and derive a greater understanding of why i choose to serve him. my obedience stems from his will and a deep seeded need inside of me to acquiesce.

porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 8/28/2009 11:36:25 AM >

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 9/3/2009 9:09:06 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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Article worth reading...

The Connection Between Kink and Abuse
http://www.hotlanta.com/sirreal/KinkAndAbuse.htm

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 9/7/2009 2:31:27 PM

fantasy69maker

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Metally I think I will go with the majority and say its a way for you to rewrite events.

BUT I think there may be another part to it.
The need to "FEEL"
Maybe for some reason its harder for you to feel things. It could be that you turned the feeling recepters in yourself down a lot when you delt with your childhood abuse.
Or you could just be a body that needs more stimulus to feel as much as others.
OR during your abuse period you discovered how much more there was to feel than others were feeling.
In anycase now you simply fine pleasure in more intensity than others enjoy. Dont sweat it unless its doing you irrepairable damage.
After all no one applogizes for likeing red more than pink.

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 9/7/2009 2:49:37 PM

stillholdson

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I learned a while back that there is an extreme difference between getting beat on in a dysfunctial family type relationship by someone that is out of control

compared to controlled play/consentual D/s type relationship with some one that You desire to please.

I dont even begin to feel the same way when being beat on in either situation.

When it was done in nilla years, I hated it and made me feel awful and unloved.I fought back and hard.

There was no floaty wonderful place that I was taken too.

When done as part of my surrender to One that I care about
my body is their vessel to be marked by their desire.
I can climb the heights of mountains and sing because I am accepted and belong.

I never had any intention when coming into bdsm to aspire to become a pain slut nor am I one now...
growing and changing how I feel about some of these things Yes.
will I be,yes for it is as He wishes it.
This desire no longer belongs to me, it is owned, it goes where He takes it.

The marks become a cherished reminder of what I want to do for Him.
A craving if you will ....to please Him, to satisfy Him.

When it was fat lips and black eyes...I hated the giver.

Maybe some how we get wired from childhood abuse to be able to 'like it' but the feelings and ways that it is done to us are so vastly different I can not even begin to find a place in my brain where the actions and situations become congruent beyond anything other than it happened to me.

One feels positive and is a growing expereince that binds two closer together

and the other a total negative that screwed me up for years.

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 9/8/2009 4:00:52 PM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewJerzeySubGirl
. . . The more degrading, the more I love it. I enjoy getting dragged from room to room by my hair, slapped around and beaten. . . I was beaten as a child and into my early teens. I know I didnt like it then. Now, why at age 34, thats what Im seeking MOST!? I hope someone can give some positive insight to this all. Thank you in advance.

If the purpose of your post was to get us sadists to fall for your charms, you are successful. From your self-awareness about childhood conditioning to your adult cravings, you display all the inviting charms of sweet masochist. To explain it, you should take a look at some articles on the psychology of masochism. If you just want to explore “why you enjoy the abuse”, come on over to my house baby!

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I give good thread.

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RE: Why do I enjoy the abuse? - 9/13/2009 3:49:47 PM

SexyCarrot

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Joined: 9/2/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NewJerzeySubGirl

At this point in my life, I am done trying to figure myself out... I am more, just going with it. I am wondering if anyone has an explaination of why woman love the physical and mental abuse?

'Cause you're a naughty, naughty girl... now go punish your bum with a sexy carrot and make both of our day!