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CaringandReal -> RE: How deep does your submission run? (5/25/2009 8:25:37 AM)
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1. I don't know how to measure a sexual orientation and personality trait (submissiveness is both to me) in terms of depth. When I'm not thinking of breathless mine shafts or rivers overflowing their banks, I think, "we all believe that the traits we identify with ourselves run deep." All I can say is that it's always been there, since my earliest memories, and there's never been a time when I haven't craved it.
I often find this craving inconvenient as hell: it strongly limits my choice of partners (there are so many darling vanilla people out there who have everything I'd ever want, except the sexual compatibility and so few people who share my sexuality who are compatible personality wise) and it messes badly with my sense of self-esteem and preservation (not when I'm partnered, of course, but definitely when I am single), and it occasioanlly drives me to the brink of despair, but I'm stuck with it, and so try to make the best of it, and pick myself up as quickly as I can after I fall.
2. I like to be well-used, in all ways, not just sexual. It increases my security, sense of belonging and being in the right place, and my erotic awareness. It assuages my need to be useful and helpful. All good things. You didn't mention micro-management, but someone else did (I guess the word "tasks" was a trigger?), so I'll respond to that, too. I love it, but can live without it.
3. I'm always interested in mental bdsm except in one context: when it's a substitute for physical bdsm. Hmm, that's kind of vague and prone to mutiple interpretations. What I mean is that I hate it when someone online makes words about a realtime face-to-face relationship, the kind I want and need, but never follows through nor has any intention of making it real, despite their promises. Usually such people are confused and don't know their own minds, but in their confusion about what they really want they end up hurting others badly.
4. I was a slave. I would like to be so again. I think it's a bit more accurate to say that I'm always submissive-adjective as opposed to "a submissive"--noun.
5. I am not sure what you mean by the last question. I think I could only be a slave for the right person. I could be nothing of the sort for the wrong person.
Why are you asking these questions?
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