Troubleinparadis -> Slave/wife wants to go nilla? (2/7/2006 5:12:08 PM)
|
I am in a bit of an unplesant situation....would appreciate any discussion, ideas, advice, etc. I have a slave whom I put My collar on 6 years ago. I married her about a year after I took her into My home (when I gave her My collar). she was a "doormat" personality when she came to Me. I have helped her grow and accept herself and put a lot (most) of her baggage behind her. She can easily carry the rest.... however as she has grown and worked through her issues, she has lost a lot of the spark that was fuel for her submission. I could not continue the chain of abuse that brought her to Me. I had rather expected her to countinue to want to submit because of her love for Me, but it seems with out the overwhelming fear of failure, and guilt issues spuring her....she is unable or unwilling. she now claims she wants a nilla life, husband/wife with Me....there is a distinct "or else I need to leave" air to her statement. --- Perhaps I simply fucked up a good thing....but I would do it again as all of the changes besides mabey losing her submissiveness are 100% for her betterment. I do not want to get to much into her past issues and what not, but need to focus on where to go from here. I really didn't see this coming /shrug. --- Odd thing is, as much as she appears to and sounds as if she would rather leave than submit any longer, If I try to walk out or say anything about making her leave. she breaks down instantly. the other day she refused to put on her seatbelt (it has been a rule since day one, seat belt on in car).. she sometimes forgets and a gentle reminder will be enough. this day however she was making the fool, screaming yelling, cussing and refusing to belt up.....simply because I told her to and "I will not submit" (her words) I pulled over, explained I would not drive the car with her seatbelt off because I love her and do not want her injured (all the while she is yelling now about how I dont care about her I just want to abouse her and hurt her) I calmy told her that I would only ask her once more to put on the seatbelt. Response, if you touch me or try to put the belt on, I am leaving (not her words but same point) without saying anything else I step out of the vehicle and begin to walk away from the car. before I could go 30 feet, she was out of the car..in front of Me on the shoulder of the road, on her knees (she usually is very very timid about anything public) she didnt seem to even notic the passing traffic much less care about them as she knelt on the street and begged Me to allow her back in the car, she promised to wear her belt. I agreed, we get back in the car, and she belts up. ---- My point is she claims she wants to leave, then panics if anything happens that appears to be headed that way....she will almost instantly submit to anything if she fears I will leave or send her away (its a hold over from her baggage)... But she claims to not want to submit, just feels she has to to keep our relationship together.... Apparently opposite feelings from what she acts. ----------- Are you confused yet because I sure as hell am! She wants a nilla life that I know I am unable to give, yet for all the talk about rather being gone than submitting she panics if I agree and tell her to leave or if seems I will leave. I do not want to manipulate her by threating to leave or send her away or anyof that... But I do want to bring this to a conclusion, I would prefer she stay and submit (and I do love her). Hell I would even accept a "nilla" relathionship (where I would not expect her submission) except I am not good at not getting My way on most things, and once I agreed to allow her freedom from submission, that turned into you dont pay me any attintion anymore... this bitch is driving me crazy, I love her though and want a life with her....but can only change so much (if at all). ----------- Well if nothing else thanks for hearing me ramble.
|
|
|
|