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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 10:13:03 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

@OP

I'm not sure that what my wife and I do is dominance and submission exactly... but whatever it is, I cannot imagine bossing some woman around that I didn't love... I can't for the life of me see why it'd be worth the effort. I know she could not obey someone she didn't love. For us, the authority dynamic between us is yet another way that our love expresses itself -- as I said, not particularly bdsm-ey.


Leadership, it's similar to Lumus and myself. We don't "scene" per se but have a dynamic that is expressed in D/s, subtle at times that most people don't always pick up on but is there and we feel it. I submit completely to Him by love and choice, He cares and loves me, even if not expressed as "I love you" but in little ways, like holding my hand as we watch a show, snuggling in bed, or since I've been under the weather, folding laundry last night. Yes, I wear a collar, yes, I am His sub, yes, I love Him with all my heart and soul. And He reciprocates that in His own way. But you won't see Him leading me down the street on a leash (darn it!) or anything that screams "BDSM".

OP - in the past, I could play with any Dominant or top that I respected but my submission goes only to Him that I love. There's a difference between play and submission for me.


_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 12:17:23 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		@Rainfire:

Awwww, that's sweet. And yes, that sounds a lot like us. Although Carol would be mortified to be collared in public *laughs*. For us, it is me who is most vocal and physically affectionate in terms of the "I love you's." Carol sometimes worries about not telling me that she loves me enough to which I generally burst out laughing. To me, every single act of obedience is an eloquent "I love you" backed up by action.

Without all the kink, it's an awkward fit into bdsm-land, but it certainly works for us.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Rainfire)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 12:23:27 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

To me, every single act of obedience is an eloquent "I love you" backed up by action.



Jeff, what would you charge to teach me to "get" that?  To me, I need to feel it through affection, or hear it through words, actions just seem to flow off me like water and not sink in.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 12:48:21 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

@Rainfire:

Awwww, that's sweet. And yes, that sounds a lot like us. Although Carol would be mortified to be collared in public *laughs*. For us, it is me who is most vocal and physically affectionate in terms of the "I love you's." Carol sometimes worries about not telling me that she loves me enough to which I generally burst out laughing. To me, every single act of obedience is an eloquent "I love you" backed up by action.

Without all the kink, it's an awkward fit into bdsm-land, but it certainly works for us.


Kink is a quirky landscape that has as much to do with D/s as Sunday Lunch. ( for me)

Years of genuine care, interest and thoughtfulness say more than any * I love you*  ever could. Does he love me? I haven't a clue.

There's so many other things that say volumes to me .....like being significant, important and obviously mattering.

If you didn't have the words * I love you* available, would your offspring KNOW you did?

Going back to the OP..........Nothing is *normal* in D/s anymore than it is anywhere else...the fact that people identify with other people in some ways is about the best you'll get.

agirl






(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 5:39:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's normal no matter how you do it. But I fell in love with him before I submitted, in fact I doubt I would have been willing to submit unless we had first fallen in love. Simply because I need that huge of an emotional investment on both sides to feel safe.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Love? - 5/29/2009 2:03:54 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

To me, every single act of obedience is an eloquent "I love you" backed up by action.



Jeff, what would you charge to teach me to "get" that?  To me, I need to feel it through affection, or hear it through words, actions just seem to flow off me like water and not sink in.


I disagree with you.  I'm sure the action, when done in the same time zone, would have tremendous meaning to you.

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Love? - 5/29/2009 5:30:14 AM   
wittybunny


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline 		Oh, what a good question you have raised!.I feel we all want to be loved.. The fact that intimacy takes  strange shapes- such as D/s-- is that we are afraid to ask for love directly.as it were....I see a fair number of persons meeting this way getting married- the real turn on, to me at least, is commitment,  however you express it--and as to"normal"-go with what you feel. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, and as for feeling love
because of submission? IDK. Someone help me out here--

(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Love? - 5/29/2009 6:52:12 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Jeff, what would you charge to teach me to "get" that?  To me, I need to feel it through affection, or hear it through words, actions just seem to flow off me like water and not sink in.

*laughs* If only it worked like that, I'd say bring over two donuts the next time you come for coffee. Sadly, it's a language of love thing coupled with the oddity in our relationship... my slave girl has no connection/need/whatever to submit. So her obedience pretty much can only mean one thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
I disagree with you.  I'm sure the action, when done in the same time zone, would have tremendous meaning to you.

I wondered that too BSB. I can see how different people would put more or less weight on words or deeds. But I really cannot imagine how obedience could be a total wash for any dominant. Surely, at least to some degree, it has to translate into "i want you", "i love you", etc.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Love? - 5/29/2009 6:58:46 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		There are loads of different types of love imo so you can be in love quickly, I think you have to get to a really trusting communicative place quickly if not love. I have played with shed loads of people I was not 'in love' with but I love them in my own way, its just not the ever lasting you are part of my soul love. I think though that when you are in love you can be more inclined to 'do' certain things, push yourself and all that.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Love? - 5/29/2009 12:37:19 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		Such nice posts!!  Everyone is most always so eloquent in their responses. I've been having issues with this topic because it's all so new and I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing. He's trying to be patient with me but I'm not an easy woman to deal with on so many levels, lol.

But I'm very self aware so I notice when I'm getting a bit hard to handle and stop and think about why I am doing whatever I'm doing.  Though I know I love him, it's still difficult to give in to that part for me.  But I'm starting to and I want to and THAT is all new to me too and kind of scary. Anyway you all are helping me immensely, keep them coming.


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Love? - 5/29/2009 7:38:36 PM   
girlivy


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		If the results are healthy and productive for the dynamic, they enjoy it! It is what works best for the parties involved. "normal" varies greatly from one to another.

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Love? - 5/31/2009 3:02:16 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

To me, every single act of obedience is an eloquent "I love you" backed up by action.



Jeff, what would you charge to teach me to "get" that?  To me, I need to feel it through affection, or hear it through words, actions just seem to flow off me like water and not sink in.


I disagree with you.  I'm sure the action, when done in the same time zone, would have tremendous meaning to you.


BSB, thanks for your very kind words and I have been mulling them over and I think perhaps you are right.  I was once stunned by how much an omelette had meant to someone.  In reading your response I tried to recall anything similar resonating so deeply and an image flashed into my mind of a very special woman, upon seeing a handsignal only recently taught to her, obeying without word or hesitation.  That act was deeply meaningful for me in the same way.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Love? - 5/31/2009 6:58:30 AM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		Master T was too easy for me to fall in love with!  Before any BDSM stuff or anything like that, we knew each other, and at least on my side-a TON of flirting went on...i gave up on Him, and it was then that He started flirting with me...i fell in love with Him almost as soon as we started "seeing" each other...He didn't (or at least didn't want to tell me) that He loved me until not too long before He asked me to marry Him.  Think it just depends on the way the two of you click and how your heart leads you...  Good luck!

Master T's slave www.mtslave.wordpress.com

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Love? - 6/6/2009 3:43:22 PM   
wittybunny


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline 		Hey, this doesn't make any sense..I deleted my account but here I am, allowed to post?
Anyway, I wish I loved  the person I was involved with last and I wish him love, but no I don't love him. How he felt (feels) about me is anybody's guess.

(in reply to Rainfire)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Love? - 6/6/2009 8:42:44 PM   
MissyMoon


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline 		We have never used the word "love"...but the feeling I have for him is deep and profound and comes purely from my submission and obedience to him.  His feelings for me are strong  and complex and are in response to my desire to submit to him.  Is that love?  I don't know...but I do know we need, want and crave what the other has to offer.  It feels perfect.

(in reply to Rainfire)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Love? - 6/7/2009 3:07:25 AM   
WhisperSupremacy


Posts: 74
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		I can be submissive with or without love, but for me personally, I find more common traits that lead to love moreso in vanilla world terms. I definitly can't fall in love with a girl unless I truely know who she is outside bdsm, as well as inside too. Just my 2 cents....

(in reply to MissyMoon)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Love? - 6/7/2009 3:53:07 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		i look for both. but i feel that i would need someone that i can relate with. for me the relationship and submission go hand in hand. if he has great skills as a dominant but lacks that things i'd be attracted to in a mate it isn't a good fit. some things can be learned, others are innate or simply are non existent.

i think as time progresses and you gain more experience you'll be able to say what is true for you. i preface the last comment to remind you there will be changes down the road. we've all been there and said no to things that later became a resounding hell yes. just enjoy it all and be true to yourself in the process. if love is important to you and you want someone you can love and yield to don't settle for anything outside of that at present. you'll only be unhappy in the long run.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Love? - 6/7/2009 11:16:46 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic
Ok so I'm a new sub and I'm not sure what's normal. Is it normal for subs and Domme's to fall in love in such a short period of time?  


In some cases, a meaningful affection of a sort can bloom relatively quickly. As for love, many times it is confused with need or deeply set infatuation (or a combination of both). It's impossible to divine anything particular about you or your situation from within this little window. As for what is normal, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Love doesn't.


(in reply to MMagic)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Love? - 6/7/2009 11:24:15 PM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


In some cases, a meaningful affection of a sort can bloom relatively quickly. As for love, many times it is confused with need or deeply set infatuation (or a combination of both). It's impossible to divine anything particular about you or your situation from within this little window. As for what is normal, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Love doesn't.




I love this response. Thank you Marc.

OP, love is what it is and means something different to, and with, every other person you interact with. If you're feeling it, no matter why, then it's a nice thing for you at this time. Just enjoy it.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Love? - 6/9/2009 4:01:44 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I tend to fall in love too quickly... I can be madly in love after only knowing someone a couple weeks. I try be careful though, as it has led to heartbreak in the past. Being in a submissive mindset leaves me emotionally open and sensitive, so I'm much more likely to fall for someone that way.



Oh Boy, can I relate to that!!! I know it's painful when that happens. I tried very hard not to fall in love with my Dom. Ahh to no avail. I remember 3 distinct times i knew it was coming. When I first met him, I thought, could you actually fall in love with this man? One time when we were together, I remember thinking, Boy you could really fall in love with this man... and then when I knew... damn you're in love with him!! LOL OH well it's almost 9 months and I am happy about it now. He's a gem, but I knew wayyyy before this it was going to happen!

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 40
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