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Topping From The Bottom? - 5/29/2009 8:54:25 AM

Chuck48

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I'm an otk spanking S/switch.
If I explain to my partner while I'm getting when I'm otk how I like to be spanked and with what impliment, is that considered Topping from the bottom?

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 5/29/2009 11:52:48 AM

colouredin

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Ok ignoring the first few words of your post because well they make no sense. TFTB is a stupid term, if you wanna say what you like then go for it, only you can decide what is ok in your relationships

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 5/30/2009 7:54:54 PM

chamberqueen

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There is nothing wrong with letting your preferences be known before a session starts. The spanker will decide whether to follow your inclination or not. Only if you absolutely insisted and refused anything else your partner wanted to do would I consider it topping from the bottom.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 6/1/2009 8:41:16 AM

lusciouslips19

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Eww, eew, oh oh yea, right there, no, not there to the left harder harder, ow ow too hard too hard ow ow OWWWW!!!

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 6/3/2009 10:22:39 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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ROTFL.
Toppping from the bottom ought not be a problem in this case. M

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 6/8/2009 7:13:53 PM

DesFIP

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"Oh God yes please, more, harder, please use the red paddle" or conversely "No please, not the paddle with the holes in it, please, please". No matter how you say it, the top is able to disregard or take into account your desires assuming that's your agreement.

But negotiations/discussions about what you do or do not like with a new partner should be done prior to play.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 6/26/2009 9:14:01 PM

Belittled

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Oh lord.

Liking shit does not make you a top.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 6/27/2009 9:26:52 AM

DomDaddyPeter

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Topping from the bottom is a term given to subs who try to control the person who is topping them. In other words trying to control the one who is controlling them.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 6/27/2009 7:30:10 PM

rc4otkVA

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I agree with chamberqueen, expressing your preferences from the beginning is the way to go, unless something isn't working for you in the middle (which is what safewords are for). Topping from the bottom is a valid concern since a person can't truly give in to their submissive side if they are still holding the reigns. Establish what your wants, needs, and limits are early on, so you both get what you need during play, and you don't have to try to control the way you're being controlled.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/4/2009 10:56:53 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDaddyPeter
Topping from the bottom is a term given to subs who try to control the person who is topping them. In other words trying to control the one who is controlling them.

Really? I always think of it as a term coined by insecure tops who are frightened by any criticism and afraid of getting any feedback that is not gushing praise.

If I say I hate that freaking crop, my statement cannot control him. My saying a few words does not have any magical power that forces him not to use it. It just gives him information, in this case if he wants to use it without me having a panic attack he'd better put a blindfold on me and put it back in the bag before taking the blindfold off. If he chooses to do otherwise he knows I won't orgasm and I will hyperventilate.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/4/2009 5:13:31 PM

switchlight

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I prefer that someone tell me what they like .. at the beginning at least. Once I know their likes and dislikes, I can do a better job of turning them on - whether it is very soft and erotic - or a good extended bottom thrashing. The same is true if I'm on the bottom side - I would want the Top to know what I like - though I would not try to 'control' the scene or give directions when playing. When you know someone well - communicating fetishes and fantasies comes naturally, after a while. Labels are semi-useful, but don't tell the "rest of the story" - just as food jars don't describe how the food was made - only the list of ingredients!

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/5/2009 3:27:09 PM

plumprumplvr

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Are you talking about a session that is more or less just pure spanking - that is, just spanking because you both enjoy it and not as part of D/s? If so, I would not be too concerned about topping from the bottom.

As others have suggested, it is best to talk first about what implements you both like, and how hard. And I think that two-way communication during a spanking session is necessary when one is with a new partner.

To me, it's different though if you are talking about a D/s scene and not just straight corporal punishment.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/5/2009 4:30:19 PM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Chuck48

I'm an otk spanking S/switch.
If I explain to my partner while I'm getting when I'm otk how I like to be spanked and with what impliment, is that considered Topping from the bottom?

Let's say that you consider yourself a great cook. Someone wants to come over to your house to eat because they had heard about what a great cook you are. Then as you cook, that person is standing over you to tell you how they want YOU to cook, what seasonings, how much and what cookwear to use..? Did they come to you to partake of your cooking expertise or just to have someone cook them dinner because they were feeling peckish?

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/7/2009 1:04:03 PM

punkishone

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I'm defineately a bottom, my boyfriend is a switch. When I try to switch I tend to mess up, I get nervous, and can't tie him up correctly. He tells me where to put the ties, and how to stretch him to a certain point, sometimes it still feels like I'm the sub even though I am trying to be the top. I am trying though, and getting a bit better with his directions finding out what he likes and what is comfortable for him.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/12/2009 7:17:08 PM

SirNsPride

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In the "right" situation, with a loving and strong and experienced Master who enjoys the tug of resistance, being given the joy........"topping from the bottom" can be one of my favorite places. It depends on the relationship.

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/15/2009 2:37:23 PM

SENSUALSOLE

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the is nothing that is bad, but it is not something that everyone can accept. I had a sub once who topped from the bottom..She was always wanting to please me orally...so I gave in..again and again, lol

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/15/2009 9:25:26 PM

KneelforAnne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Eww, eew, oh oh yea, right there, no, not there to the left harder harder, ow ow too hard too hard ow ow OWWWW!!!

That's not what you were saying the other night.....

*winks*

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/27/2009 8:33:50 AM

punkishone

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We tend to surprise one another, I will come home and he will "put the collar on me". Or since he works earlier in the day than I do, I will leave out an outfit, and toys, and leave him instructions on what I want him to do, then he can wait in anticipation for me to come home. We just usually play it by ear, if you feel like doing something to me, okay, if I feel like doing something to him, GREAT!

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 7/27/2009 2:32:16 PM

aranisiA

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When you say 'explain', what do you mean? Are you talking about making him/her stop the paddling so you can give a five-minute long dissertation on which tools he/she should use, where to use them and how to use them, and doing it in such a way as to be condenscending? If the answer to all three is 'yes', then I'd say you are topping from the bottom, and if you tried that with me I'd gag you with a lime and then give you the old what-for :P. If it's more of an offhand comment about how you really really want to try to be beaten with X though or that you really really hate Y so could he/she please start out carefully if choosing to use it - then I'd say you're making requests, and I wouldn't mind it at all.

I also think it varies a lot with the type of setting...for example, I was at a party this Saturday, and a friend gave me a light beating. Too light, really, by my standards, but she didn't feel secure enough to use the harder implements on me and my tolerance level is too high for her to even pass the 3 or 4 on a 10-level scale. Anyway, since we had never played with each other before and she isn't the most experienced of sadists anyway we had what I would refer to as a tone between equals; she was in charge, of course, but I felt that my advice on which implements she might want to try on me were welcome and indeed appreciated. Was I topping from the bottom? I don't know. Would another friend of mine, who's a far more experienced Dom and Sadist accepted my comments even if I had been sassy enough to make them? Most likely not :P. Did we have fun? Hell yes!

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RE: Topping From The Bottom? - 8/25/2009 7:08:39 PM

sillygirlme

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My present S/O tries to top from the bottom and it irks me to no end. What's the point? To me it's like saying "ok surprise me with a kiss after dinner".