Need help becoming my own Mistress (Full Version)

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ShivaTS -> Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 7:28:04 PM)

Hi think I went through one of the hardest things of my life this morning. I was told I was being considered as a slave but was rejected because of my hard limites. I was really hurt, but now I am angry...at myself. I wasnt good enough for her which mean I am not good enough for many Masters/Mistresses. I have thought about this the whole day. I want to make myself more submissive and more pleasing. To do this I need to become more dominant. I am thinking of a list of things I need to do to make myself more appealling to a Master so they would consider training me as a slave.

I am a manager, I work with unrully clients all day negotiating settlements. This is too dominant, I am thinking fo applying for a more csr oriented job where I can service clients instead of butt heads.

I am 105 pounds. I have alittle bit of fat about my mid section. I will develop a workout to make myself stronger. I will also start yoga to become more flexable.

I want to drop to 95 pounds to look more pleasing to a Master/Mistress's eye. For that I will search for a proper diet schedule.

I am going to start to buy cook books and memorizing them so I can give a more extravagant meal.

I will work towards paying off my debts as quickly as possible so when I am finally taken there will be no financial problems to worry about

I must buy more skirts and eventually get rid of all my pants and jeans.


If there are any more suggestions from anyone I would appreciate it. I hope to earn the title of slave.



MHOO314 -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 7:49:11 PM)

Who are you trying to be Shiva? You? or someone's ideal? You will lose yourself in this mad rush to change--pay off debts--yes but to change what you are completely? I think that is a path to self destruction---born from pain--sleep on this for many days--change is not good until the back side of the moon--take some time and ponder--



ShivaTS -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 8:36:10 PM)

Yes I am trying to be someones ideal. My master/mistress's. I have been told about a mistress to stay away from because she likes to burn her playtoys. This is a very big limit to me. I am trying to work up the courage to speak with her. The only way to over come it is to go through it.

I have experienced a dom who married his sub. He was my first true sexual experience. He never told her what he did with me and wanted to continue a relationship with me. I met her at a group meeting and he sat at the other side of the room and only came to talk to me when she wasnt looking. I am trying to figure out how to work though the limit of lying to someone you know you are hurting.



veronicaofML -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 8:47:29 PM)

MHOO314;
==============

me thinks this one needs a woman to woman..i'm staying out of it here.

good luck m'Lady




Sensualips -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 8:53:26 PM)

Hmmm, I like the idea of goal setting and focus on the future as a way of dealing with disappointment. I can even get behind the idea of doing things to "train" yourself for a future mistress. I am not as sure about your list though. I hope you will select things that will bring you a sense of accomplishment, whether they are appreciated by another or not. I also hope you will look at short term and long term goals, so you can experience some immediate success. It looks like you are looking at a few areas of your life.

I see several items related to appearance. Exercise and healthy eating habits are almost always a positive thing. I would suggest you not get to concerned about the number on the scale, as 105 is quite thin -- even for someone 5'1. Keep in mind you can't be sure what clothing might be appealing to different Masters/Mistresses, so as you revamp your wardrobe choose things that make you feel sexy and pretty.

I see a skill item in cooking more extravagantly. If you like cooking, I think learning and practicing some recipes could be a great use of time. I would think of other interests or talents you have that might be useful in the future. This could be anything from learning to give manicures or studying reflexology to artistic talents to

I see financial responsibility. This is an excellent way to take control of your life and will benefit your personally as well. I am not as sure about the job change. If you are not fulfilled by your curret job, looking at other options make sense. But I would not change jobs just because it is "too dominant."

One thing I don't see on the list is some self examination, about what you want and why you want it. Didn't you also post about having difficulty saying no and this resulting in a series of one nighters of rough sex? Didn't you agree you maybe needed some down time where you educated yourself, grew into your role and comfort levels, explored your own submissive feelings -- without actively seeking or meeting with Doms? I would read, talk to people, attend some munches and practice telling people you are only looking for friendship at this time. Educate yourself about the lifestyle and the infinite nuances. You will have more to offer when you are secure with yourself and your submission.



ShivaTS -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 9:03:32 PM)

Thank you sensualips for the tips on learning manicures...

I am one in the same person that posted the other thread. I know why I a looking for a master/mistress. Because I am lost without one. I was raise with an iron fist. My moms. I am naturally submissive and born to serve or I have had it instilled in me to the bone and will do it weather I was ment to or not. I have been disowned for my chosen lifestyle. No I dont want mommy back. I want someone to rule over me. Show me the path to take, when to take it. That is my highest calling in life. Incase you are wondering I HAVE not choice by to see a phycologist due to my gender reassignment so I assure you I am quite mentally stable.



BitaTruble -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/8/2006 9:38:14 PM)



quote:

I wasnt good enough for her which mean I am not good enough for many Masters/Mistresses.


Just because you have a hard limit for something she wants doesn't mean you're not 'good' enough. It just means you need a different Mistress, that's all. You want to improve yourself, by all means, do so. But one mans junk is another's treasure. Treasure yourself, and, though it might take some time, you'll find someone who treasures you as well.

Celeste



ayasha -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 1:33:17 AM)

This one has been taught from day one of training that if she can't take care of herself, she can't take care of a Master/Mistress.

This does not mean trying to be someone's 'ideal'. It means learning to like yourself, learning to love yourself, being happy with who and what you are. This comes from inside of you, in your heart, your soul, your mind - not from the external picture.

You need to be happy and accepting of who you are - so that the Mistress that you seek will be happy and accepting of who you are.

and as a last note....................before becoming owned by another Mistress, one would find out what limits they will allow you - if you are not comfortable with that then you need to keep looking for a Mistress that is more compatible with you. Remember - you choose the Mistress and beg for the collar; they don't snatch you off the street, slap a collar on you, and then tell you that you have no limits.

Hoping that you find peace within yourself,

~ ayasha ~



MistressOfGa -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 7:17:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

Hi think I went through one of the hardest things of my life this morning. I was told I was being considered as a slave but was rejected because of my hard limites. I was really hurt, but now I am angry...at myself. I wasnt good enough for her which mean I am not good enough for many Masters/Mistresses. I have thought about this the whole day. I want to make myself more submissive and more pleasing. To do this I need to become more dominant. I am thinking of a list of things I need to do to make myself more appealling to a Master so they would consider training me as a slave.

I am a manager, I work with unrully clients all day negotiating settlements. This is too dominant, I am thinking fo applying for a more csr oriented job where I can service clients instead of butt heads.

I am 105 pounds. I have alittle bit of fat about my mid section. I will develop a workout to make myself stronger. I will also start yoga to become more flexable.

I want to drop to 95 pounds to look more pleasing to a Master/Mistress's eye. For that I will search for a proper diet schedule.

I am going to start to buy cook books and memorizing them so I can give a more extravagant meal.

I will work towards paying off my debts as quickly as possible so when I am finally taken there will be no financial problems to worry about

I must buy more skirts and eventually get rid of all my pants and jeans.


If there are any more suggestions from anyone I would appreciate it. I hope to earn the title of slave.


This has to be one of the saddest post I have read. I feel such anguish in your writing. Please do not change to suit anyone but you shivats. You will be taken by someone who appreciates you and all of your "flaws". If someone doesnt like you for who you are, then that someone doesnt deserve you for who you are. How can you give yourself fully to someone if you have to change who you are to do it? I agree with MH-sleep on this, consider it carefully before you do anything.



proudsub -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 9:00:57 AM)

quote:

I am a manager, I work with unrully clients all day negotiating settlements. This is too dominant, I am thinking fo applying for a more csr oriented job where I can service clients instead of butt heads.


Many submissives/slaves are in a domnant position in their jobs and volunteer work. Unless you are unhappy in your job I see no reason to change that.

I have nothing against self-improvement but in my opinion it should be done for yourself, not for an unknown dom out there somewhere that you haven't met yet.



shigglyboom -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 5:35:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I have nothing against self-improvement but in my opinion it should be done for yourself, not for an unknown dom out there somewhere that you haven't met yet.

Psst, Proudsub, it is for her!

Shiva - you're on the right track, just go slow and make the changes that make YOU happy and healthy. The right Dom, when you find him/her, will be the one who appreciates exactly that.

quote:

I wasnt good enough for her which mean I am not good enough for many Masters/Mistresses.

No, that's called "all or nothing thinking" and it's just plain untrue. If you think about it logically you'll see it doesn't make sense. All it meant was that that one person wasn't your match. And never be mad at yourself for hard limits.



petcerina -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 8:13:29 PM)

i'm with MistressOfGa on this one, but i admire how Sensualips put her concerns. i go with both of them. i am worried your goals are a bit self destructive on some levels, but your thinking is in the right place, your goals just may need some readjustment. Personally, i suggest a Mentor to help you while you are in transistion. i had a Mentor for the first 2 years of my journey when i became serious about becoming a submissive and eventually a slave (the point i am at now). However, i will say two things in addition or perhaps just in emphasis. Your hard limits are there for a reason. Find out what that reason is. Also, i personally believe that hard limits should be broken when you want them to be broken but are held back by something. She did not reject you because you were unworthy. She rejected you because you were not what she was looking for. You are what someone else is looking for. i promise :). Also, i think it's absolutely wonderful that you want to free yourself financially. i support that completely :). Take baby steps, and keep going even if you get set back. On a side note, Master loves the way i dress and i only own 3 skirts, only one of which He really likes at this point in time.



MHOO314 -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 8:26:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

MHOO314;
==============

me thinks this one needs a woman to woman..i'm staying out of it here.

good luck m'Lady




Trust Me v, I am out of this one too---martini?



ShivaTS -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/9/2006 8:47:32 PM)

This thread is no longer needed. I am still going to do some of the things I have said above, but Mistressfire70 showed me what I am doing in a way I can understand and she also gave me the tools to help myself work through my feelings. I didnt understand this till I tried it and ended up crying for an hour therefore I WILL NOT go any further until I am ready emotionally.

Thanks for everyones input. It seems I was looking all over the forums for help when all I needed to do was talk to, in my mind, a very intelligent Mistress to set me straight.



Sensualips -> RE: Need help becoming my own Mistress (2/10/2006 7:42:07 AM)

quote:

I WILL NOT go any further until I am ready emotionally.


That sounds like an excellent plan. Expect it to take some time.

Good luck.



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