RE: showen your war face

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kiwisub12 -> RE: showen your war face (5/30/2009 2:35:19 PM)
If you are angry - chop wood, go for a run, get a punching bag. Don't face your slave when you are angry, unless you can control yourself. I had a therapist who told me to scream in the car when angry, that getting the anger outside of my body would help. He also told me to get a pool noodle and bash the heck out of my bed when i was angry. One thing he told me was that behind anger is fear - that when i was angry with someone, i was using the anger to hide from the fear, because the anger was easier to deal with than the fear. Anger is more comfortable to feel than fear. I respect the fact that you are aware that you do take your anger out on your slave, now you need to change that pattern, or one way or another you will lose her.

LudoBiter -> RE: showen your war face (5/30/2009 10:08:26 PM)
thank you all for your words. she already knew i had anger problems and i have told her to get away from me if i am angered and she still refuses to leave or run from me. i have not yet hurt her out of anger yes i have hurt her but on accident example: we were walking and i bent down and picked up a penny off the ground and i had a pole wrapped around my back and it wacked her on the head. we both laughed i was more worried about her but she was laughing anyways. she is a massicast aswell and i do not wish to harm her out of anger i know it is wrong to she is doing 24/7 with me. i am going to therapy i start this monday coming up and no there is no free programs that will take me.

Fitznicely -> RE: showen your war face (5/31/2009 2:51:32 AM)
Ludo, it's REALLY good that you're starting therapy. It's an important step forward, but I would say you need to OWN your anger. It's no use telling her to get away if she won't go...you must get away. What worries me is that you believe she is OK with it. You are responsible for her, you need to be seeing the wood for the trees. Kudos to you for acknowledging you have a problem, and more kudos for trying to work on it, but hear this: she has no part being anywhere near your temper. YOU decide this, YOU are utterly responsible for her safety. It's not good enough to say she refuses to go, not at all. Masochist doesn't mean "punching bag". I wish you well with the therapy, but please, there are things you can do without being told to by a professional. Hit the internet, indulge in some soul searching, meditate. Anger issues normally come from some trauma in childhood. Be honest with yourself and if this is the case, look for closure or some kind of resolution. You own an adult human life. You owe it to that person to be MORE emotionally stable than them. If you genuinely can't do it, do the noble thing, let her go and take a break until you have your shit together.

colouredin -> RE: showen your war face (5/31/2009 2:57:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fitznicely What worries me is that you believe she is OK with it. You are responsible for her, you need to be seeing the wood for the trees. Kudos to you for acknowledging you have a problem, and more kudos for trying to work on it, but hear this: she has no part being anywhere near your temper. YOU decide this, YOU are utterly responsible for her safety. It's not good enough to say she refuses to go, not at all. Masochist doesn't mean "punching bag". These are the bits that jumped to me too. Op you can not say that she won't leave. This is the problem if she wont then in a fit of anger are you going to have the presence of mind to tell her to go? To me this is unhealthy and your suggestion that 'she is masochist' in that post to me rings massive alarm bells. I will echo Fitz, great that you are seeking real help. For me you shouldnt be living together at the moment, she will need somewhere to go to if you get angry. I still think you shouldnt be in a relationship at all, how you imagine you can have power over someone when you can not control yourself is beyond me

Lashra -> RE: showen your war face (5/31/2009 12:53:39 PM)
You do not need a slave nor a submissive, what you DO need is anger management therapy. Once you get those lessons down then perhaps think about a D/s relationship. I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear but it is the truth of the matter. If your slave is as traumatized as you have stated then the last thing in the world she needs is an owner with an anger problem. Do yourself and her a favor, go get some therapy and learn how to properly handle your anger before someone gets hurt. ~Lashra

sirsholly -> RE: showen your war face (5/31/2009 1:25:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 If you are angry - chop wood, go for a run, get a punching bag. Don't face your slave when you are angry, unless you can control yourself. I had a therapist who told me to scream in the car when angry, that getting the anger outside of my body would help. He also told me to get a pool noodle and bash the heck out of my bed when i was angry. or...if you feel silly screaming in the car...sing. Put in a CD and sing your lungs out. It is what i used to do on the drive home from a stressful job. quote: One thing he told me was that behind anger is fear - that when i was angry with someone, i was using the anger to hide from the fear, because the anger was easier to deal with than the fear. Anger is more comfortable to feel than fear. THis is so true. Anger is almost always a smoke screen for another emotion that we are not yet prepared to deal with. This is where Anger Management will benefit...it teaches you how to dissipate the smoke and see the real issues.

sleazybutterfly -> RE: showen your war face (5/31/2009 1:49:27 PM)
~fp~ The first time my M takes his anger out on me with any form of physical contact, is the last time he takes it out of me in any form. You need to get control of yourself before you can hope to control another. I really feel for your slave, and I hope she can gather up the nerve somehow to get out of relationships that cause her so much emotional/physical pain. You might be really good at this someday, since you will at least admit you have a problem, but you need to get help for this first. SB

Br0kenAngel -> RE: showen your war face (5/31/2009 4:34:15 PM)
The slave is in control here. If she did/did not do something, a punishment is warranted but there are limits. You cannot walk through the door raging and angry because you're pissed off or have an anger problem. The anger problem is your problem, and no slave should have to succumb to that unless it's an agreement between the both of you. Get counseling so that you can understand who really has the upper-hand here. And no amount of punishment will help your slave to listen if it is out of anger.

eclipticsubwitch -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 12:45:59 AM)
Sir I can only speak for myself, but being ignored or given corner time in a very silent room...for me is the worst punishment

SaintSavant -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 3:58:29 AM)
It's great that you are going to get therapy, but in the meantime, let the girl go and get one of these: http://www.realdoll.com/cgi-bin/snav.rd?action=viewfemalegallery&gallery=melissa You think I am joking. I'm not.

agirl -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 5:28:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fitznicely quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin quote: ORIGINAL: Fitznicely quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin Jeremy Kyle (as this is a mostly US site- He is a very well respected social warrior in the uk) HAHAHA! I only just saw this...OMG I hate that guy... Aww come now, hes great. Never have I seen a man shout more about absolutely nothing "Never in the field of human procreation have so many paternity tests been given away to so many by so few..." [:D] And making a living off of people that can't keep track of who they're fucking is soooooooo easyyyyyy...... There's so many of them! I hope his own kids don't ever fuck-up....... Christ, the press would have a field day. He's a muppet. agirl

LaTigresse -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 6:48:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Br0kenAngel The slave is in control here. If she did/did not do something, a punishment is warranted but there are limits. You cannot walk through the door raging and angry because you're pissed off or have an anger problem. The anger problem is your problem, and no slave should have to succumb to that unless it's an agreement between the both of you. Get counseling so that you can understand who really has the upper-hand here. And no amount of punishment will help your slave to listen if it is out of anger. Actually, it appears that no one is in control.

NorthernGent -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 8:39:51 AM)
The best bet is to knock the 'war' chat on the head. It's baffling how angry people fail to realise that they're fighting an imaginary battle that exists only in their heads. It's like turning up for duel when no one else knows about it; nor cares about it. What's that old saying.......resentment is like drinking poison while hoping someone else will die.

colouredin -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 8:43:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent What's that old saying.......resentment is like drinking poison while hoping someone else will die. So very true.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: showen your war face (6/1/2009 11:21:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LudoBiter i do have a anger problem i know i do. but the slave i have has been throu enough with her past masters/mistresses. and yes she pisses me off sometimes and so do other people but. her health could not handle it if i unleashed any amount of anger on her. she would freak out and probably have a heart attack or a panic attack which any panic attack could kill her. she doesn't have an expiration date or anything but yeah i get pissed off and when i am about to to walk throu the door or look at her i want to just punish her for either wat she did or what someone else did. my question is how do you think i could unleash without losing a good slave? First of all, it's a good thing that You are getting anger management. Good for You. Next, You have no business controlling someone else if You can't control Yourself. Discipline or punishment should be done for a good reason and not out of anger...it should not be uncontrolled anger unleashed. With all due respect, Sir, it is absolutely wrong to punish a slave - or A/anyone for that matter - for what S/someone E/else has done. If You "unleash" on her it could be very harmful for her physically and/or emotionally, to say nothing of the health problems Your anger could cause You....heart attack, stroke, HBP, ulcers, nervous collapse, You name it. You T/two really should separate until You get treated for the anger problem and get it under control. Good luck to B/both of Y/you.

Jester0587 -> RE: showen your war face (6/4/2009 4:03:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra You do not need a slave nor a submissive, what you DO need is anger management therapy. Once you get those lessons down then perhaps think about a D/s relationship. I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear but it is the truth of the matter. If your slave is as traumatized as you have stated then the last thing in the world she needs is an owner with an anger problem. Do yourself and her a favor, go get some therapy and learn how to properly handle your anger before someone gets hurt. ~Lashra This seems to be the consensus here, and I'm no different. It's not healthy to have a sub if you yourself cannot maintain some level of consistant composure. Slipping up now and then is fine, but even then you have to channel your anger in a nonviolent and nondestructive manner. If you and your sub/slave decide to maintain your relationship during your treatment process, you may consider some advice I recieved when I myself had an anger issue (I've recently adopted the mindset of an internal locus of control). Before administering any harsher punishment, try sending them into the corner in an awkward position or for en extended period of a time and have them hold a ping-pong ball between their nose and the wall. I believe it was on this very forum that linked to for that. At any rate, while they do that watch a relaxing program or listen to some soft music, paint, do anything you enjoy to help de-stress yourself. After the "time limit" is out, your sub/slave will probably be a little bit sore, depending on the position and how long, and that will make anything that follows all the better while still giving you time to think over your actions and take ownership of your own emotions. I hope I helped, I may have gone on a tangent because I'm in class. Sorry if I did. ~Jester~

marysdream -> RE: showen your war face (6/4/2009 6:36:39 PM)
you have got to be kidding! ...men like you and i would not refer to you as a D...because you are evidently not! i hope your slave comes to her senses and leaves your ass![:@]

DesFIP -> RE: showen your war face (6/4/2009 6:58:00 PM)
I do want to stress seeing your doctor. Anger management is great but it won't cure a physical disorder. You need to rule that out as well as learning healthier coping skills.

justrose1 -> RE: showen your war face (6/5/2009 10:48:19 PM)
Loose the relationship? She should run as fast as she can away.

LudoBiter -> RE: showen your war face (6/22/2009 1:26:52 AM)
well it just seemed i needed was some caffeine and some well worth rest and now i feel all calm and better many people are gone now that were bring unneeded drama and stress into my life so i am much happier now... and no i have not harmed my slave which she is still here with me and we are more relaxed and happier now.

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