Why does my Master do this?

Why does my Master do this? (Full Version)

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curioussubbie01 -> Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 4:48:19 AM)
I am part of a poly family...it's me and my sis and my Master. Lately his sex drive is lower than norm, because of stress and other things. My sis is the Alpha, and she and I are bestfriends, she weighs a little less than I do, and my Master has been having sex with her...but not me... of course I am jealous lol, but why does he do that? This has been on more than one occasion he's done this... I dont understand it... its almost like he avoids it with me. So I guess my question to all you Doms out there with more than one sub/or slave, would you do that to them? And what might be a reason you would do that?

DarkSteven -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 4:55:48 AM)
You've hinted it may be your weight. I have lots of hunches. Maybe he had a hot fantasy about two women, and he's finding out it's a lot of work to keep up. Ask him what's up. Try for nonsexual contact, like giving him back rubs. Set a playdate with him. Good luck, and have fun!

Fitznicely -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 4:59:38 AM)
I'm not in that position right now, but have given serious thought to it, as I'm looking out for slave #2 at the moment... While I am, of course, free to pick whichever one I want, my main focus would be maintaining a happy, functioning household - which includes not setting my girls up for some kind of jealousy fuelled competition or catfight. If I was showing a preference, then, yes, it'd be more likely to be the alpha slave, as that would be her expected position. I would be at pains to point out to the other, tho, that it was no reflection on her worth, service, desirability or attractiveness, more that the alpha was my preference for the time being. Certainly, being only male, after all, I wouldn't be so crass...negligent....stupid as to avoid having sex with both my girls on as regular basis as I could manage... Of course, jealousy can be a great motivator, and although it's admittedly very passive aggresive of him, it might be your owner sending you a message to tone up a little. have you spoken to him about your concerns? If you can do it in a way that doesn't sound needy or jealous, I'm sure he'd be able to give you some guidance.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 5:52:13 AM)
What is "a little less?" Is she a size zero and you are a size 5? Is she a 12 and you 14? Currently the media and society put a great deal of focus on weight. So much so that someone who wears a size 5 can be very self conscious around a size zero. Then add to that whether or not these differences existed in the beginning or a new development. Without knowing those details, suggesting that he is "hinting" she tone up a little is pretty insulting. First of all, you have no idea what her shape is or her sister sub's. If sis is one of those who is bone thin with her hips sticking out, why should the OP strive to be like that? If OP is the same as when she entered the relationship, why should she change now? Really, if her dom "hinting" that she should "tone up" by not having sex with her is a cop out and lacking in communication. Is it really that hard to understand how women tend to always be self conscious about their weight whether there is a problem or not? Obviously, asking him about it in a non-confrontational way is the best bet.

Fitznicely -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 6:28:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Without knowing those details, suggesting that he is "hinting" she tone up a little is pretty insulting. First of all, you have no idea what her shape is or her sister sub's....Really, if her dom "hinting" that she should "tone up" by not having sex with her is a cop out and lacking in communication. Goodamn right it's a cop out and a lack of communication. That's my interpretation of what's going on - he's choosing the skinnier girl over the girl with a body image problem. Can we see the elephant in the room now?. What do YOU think? Suggesting her Dom might be hinting at it is not insulting. The possibility that that's what he's doing is insulting. I HOPE he ain't, but that's one interpretation of his actions. We can hope he's not that much of a shit, but we KNOW that men play on women''s negative body image all the time. FYI, both I and my girl would be classed as "Morbidly obese". If there's someone here that's LESS likely to raise body size as an issue, lettem raise their hand now... quote: Is it really that hard to understand how women tend to always be self conscious about their weight whether there is a problem or not? Obviously, asking him about it in a non-confrontational way is the best bet. It's bloody glaringly obvious that's what's going on, which is why I suggested talking to him.

KnightofMists -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 6:53:04 AM)
Ok... I not going to bite on Weight thing... It's a red herring issue and more likely a projection of your insecurity on the issue trying to find a reason to what is occuring. But that isn't giving you an answer you like... so you come here and ask a group of strangers. Simple answer..........HOW THE FUCK DOES COMPLETE STRANGERS KNOW WHY HE IS DOING IT WITH HER AND NOT YOU!!!! just maybe instead of projection... or asking complete strangers... maybe you should share what you are precieving and feeling about the issue with him and her.... and just maybe he can tell you why..... It's just a guess.... but I am thinking he has better chance of knowing why than anyone else!

sorrynobsownsme -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 7:04:16 AM)
I understand comming to complete strangers. My Owner seems to take it as a personal attack when I need to talk. Everytime it seems I don't like what he says and according to him that is why we talk in circles. I just don't think some DOms and Owners get the gravity of our feelings. There just happen to be quite a few misses in communication with us and the gravity of hte situation isn't being felt on both sides. So in short I can understand needing to talk it out here.

littlewonder -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 7:35:25 AM)
She's the alpha..not you. It doesn't sound like you two are on equal footing in the household thus of course she's going to get more attention than you. You're the lower rung. He obviously finds her more attractive...could be her weight..could be her personality, attitude or all of the above. Unless you two are of equal stature in the relationship, alphas are always going to get more attention.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 7:54:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sorrynobsownsme My Owner seems to take it as a personal attack when I need to talk. Everytime it seems I don't like what he says and according to him that is why we talk in circles. There are, not kidding, communication exercises you can do to get past a pattern like this. If the two of you think of it like lifting weights, or learning a new recipe, you can install a better communication pattern. You might consider suggesting to your Owner that one of your tasks be to look into this. You could serve him better if you could talk with him better, and he could dom you better if he could direct you better.

sparkyRBF -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 8:21:40 AM)
You mentioned in the post that his sex drive was low lately because of stress. having trouble acquiring and/or maintaining an erection is a HUGE deal for men. And they can feel very insecure about inability to perform. Of course this is all just speculation but it could be if the sister slave is the alpha, if they were the already established relationship, he feels more comfortable with her and feels less stressed to be able to perform. He knows she's going to be ok with him if his penis isn't working right. Another thought is, what can you do to make his life easier to reduce the stress so he feels more relaxed to play? You mentioned your size, i don't know if this is an issue for your Master, it may be BUT not in the way you are thinking it is. If YOU feel insecure about your size, if you are uncomfortable in your own skin it affects your attitude in other ways. If you are unhappy with yourself, how can you make others happy to be with you? best of luck to you.

SteelofUtah -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 8:52:29 AM)
Okay the whole weight thing being an issue and why you aren't getting any dick is just a little to soft for me. Pardon the Pun. Maybe the other girl is Tighter. Maybe the other girl Swallows. Maybe the other girl takes it in the ass. Maybe HIS climax is better with the other girl. Maybe he likes the way she reacts to his sexual style better than you do. Maybe he feels she needs it more than you do. Maybe he finds himself more sexually attracted to her in ALL ways. Maybe you just don't get him off the way he likes. Maybe you don't understand his sexual needs. Maybe your purpose to him is not really based on the sexual. Maybe you just don't get wet enough. Maybe you don't stick a finger in his butt and she does and he kinda likes that. There are SO MANY different reason that this may be happeneing if you don't bring it into the open then how the hell is he supposed to answer this issue for you? Also the Oxy moron of you two being equal but her being an Alpha literally Hurt My Head. If you mean Alpha in the fact that you came after her and that is ALL YOU MEAN by alpha then find but if you mean she gets more priviledges than you because she came first then you are NOT equal and maybe this lack of sexual contact with you is something you need to get used to. Finally JEALOUSY in a POLY relationship breeds Contempt and Distruction. If you cannot accept the sexual desires of your Master and be 100% content with what he chooses to do then you need to tell them that it won't work out. The D/s aspect of your relationship means that he does what he wants to do and the Poly aspect of the relationship means that he has a responsibility to everyone involved if he cannot meet that responsibility and the reason is that because he is the Master then that should tell you something about the relationship you are getting involved in. Steel

curioussubbie01 -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 9:46:45 AM)
,,

kiwisub12 -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 11:44:15 AM)
Maybe they aren't having sex - maybe they are just cuddling in bed - or the kitchen- or the couch - or where ever. You'll never know unless you ask him if there is a problem with you because you have noticed a pattern of less nookie for you and more for her, and its making you feel less than sexy.

PanthersMom -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 3:38:14 PM)
why wouldn't you talk to him, ask him why. it's between the two of you, so only the two of you can find the reason and resolution. PM

windchymes -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 4:14:03 PM)
It's Panhellenic Syndrome. [8\|] I always say, when the Greek alphabet enters into the equation, most times things just go south.

lizi -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 4:18:50 PM)
It seems as though there may be a thing or two preventing him from connecting with you - it may not have anything to do with your appearance but with the relationship you have with him. Sex takes a serious connection between two people, it's hard to want to do if there are any issues at all. Think of it this way, if you are upset or have any problems at all with someone the first thing that goes out the window is wanting to jump in bed with them. Which is why makeup sex is so hot...you take care of the problem and then you're back to wanting to screw each other's brains out. You said there were several stressful things going on right now, is there something in particular that you can address that might be hindering the two of you from being able to literally come together?

tazzygirl -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/30/2009 6:27:30 PM)
could the alpha be causing the problem? jealousy is a strange creature

IronBear -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/31/2009 4:25:14 AM)
This is one of those times when I do believe that KoM hit the nail on the head when he said: quote: Simple answer..........HOW THE FUCK DOES COMPLETE STRANGERS KNOW WHY HE IS DOING IT WITH HER AND NOT YOU!!!! In your case I would be asking for a round table discussion and table this issue asking for some rational explanation and if you don't get one then take what ever steps your dynamic required to leave. better that than living in hurt and uncertainty. In a case where I have two ladies in my home (including Lady Neets), I would have times allocated for personal/intimate time for each female and make every attempt to ensure that no one felt left out. That lass is one of the issues that any master of a poly home needs have worked out before hand. I make no judgement on your Master in this for I know not how he deals with things or even if he is aware of this situation which you owe it to him to make him aware of your thoughts on this.

DavanKael -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/31/2009 8:19:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes It's Panhellenic Syndrome. [8\|] I always say, when the Greek alphabet enters into the equation, most times things just go south. Brilliantly said, Windchymes! :> I also liked the list that Steel made. The weight issue is too easy a cop-out. Having been a bit underweight to overweight and mostly of average weight during the course of my marriage, it didn't stop my ex- from acting like some other female was the second coming a time or several. Didn't change other males acting like I was the second coming on occasions either. Could be what's new, could be better chemistry, could be any number of things. Ask, don't assume. Also, after I got separated, I was in a relationship with a male who was supposed to be dominant yet his husband called a lot of the shots and, on more than one occasion, stated "You're not getting any if I'm not getting any". After hearing this more than once and being pissed off each and every time, my reply was, "Well, hit your knees. I guarantee he won't refuse you." Maybe it sounded crass but he would have gone for that despite his lack of preference for a number of her physical facets; she was being passive aggressive and wanted him to come to her (Another flip flop of dynamics). So, you see, it could be more than one thing but the only way you're going to know for sure is to communicate. Davan

sweetgirlseeks -> RE: Why does my Master do this? (5/31/2009 8:33:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl could the alpha be causing the problem? jealousy is a strange creature This is something i was thinking of too.... maybe this really has nothing to do with you, but maybe they are having some kind of a problem in their relationship, so he is focusing on her. Maybe jealousy... maybe just... they need time together to pull in the reigns, so to speak, on their relationship. ~sgs

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