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Redneck BDSM Humor - 1/16/2004 7:08:16 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I think since I do come from a long line of rednecks I wont offend any of you out there that are also ones with these following jokes LOL
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A REDNECK SUB IF.....

If you have ever gone to a play party in curlers and a kerchief, you just
might
be a redneck sub.
If you count your spankings "1...2...3...the next number...the next
number...the next number...", you just might be a redneck sub.
If your safeword is "cut it out or I'm tellin' Ma", you might just be redneck
sub.
If you know what your Mistress expects from you by the way she belches, you
just might be a redneck sub.
If your master tells you to fix him a steak, and you start by loading the
shotgun, you just might be a redneck sub.
If fulfilling your master's every whim means picking up a 12-pack and changing
the TV channels for him, you might just be a redneck sub.
If you have ever been bound and gagged in the bed of a rusty pick up truck,
you
just might be a redneck sub.
If you have ever tried to brighten the dungeon decor with a pair of pink
flamigos, you just might be a redneck sub.
If you have ever had to use your safeword in order to spit tobacco juice, you
just might be a redneck sub.
If you have ever used nipple clamps in order to remove tics from master's
huntin' dogs, you just might be a redneck sub
_________________________________________

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK MASTER IF.........

Hmm, turn about is fair play, so here's the other side of the coin. Once
again, apologies to Jeff Foxworthy.
If the floor of your dungeon is covered with oil slicks and grease stains, you
just might be a redneck master.
If your idea of fetish gear is camouflage pants, NASCAR t-shirt, and baseball
cap, you just might be a redneck master.
If the only submissive you play with is also your wife, your sister, and your
aunt, you just might be a redneck master.
If you need to move carburetors and dead batteries to get at the St. Andrew's
cross, you just might be a redneck master.
If you keep your crops in a rack on the rear window of the cab in your pick-up
truck, you might just be a redneck master.
If your cane doubles as your CB antennae, you just might be a redneck master.
If your submissive sleeps outside in a cage and your hunting dogs share your
bed, you just might be a redneck master.
If you repair your leather with duct tape, you might just be a redneck master.
If your idea of a quality leather shop is BillyJoeBob's Beer and Bait, you
just
might be a redneck master.
If you have ever had to take the deer you were dressing in order to restrain
your slave, you just might be a redneck master.

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/29/2011 9:01:54 PM

Posts: 78
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline

If you ever had the gumption of painting tattos on the sub with your mothers name, you are a redneck Master
If you ever borrowed the subs teeth to bite her, you are a redneck Master
If gave them teeth back to the sub to bite you back, you are a redneck Master
If you've used crazy glue to make her tighter, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever used the suppers ham bone to "shim up" the subs hole, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever used a floor jack to lift the sub into position, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever used a floor jack to lower the sub into position, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever used and "inner tube" for safe sex, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever started a generator and used it to "shock" your sub, you are a redneck Master
If you couldn't start the generator, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever used oil found in the ground as a "sex lube", you are a redneck Master
If you converted grandma's root cellar into a dungeon, you are a redneck Master
If the big screen TV ended up in the root cellar, you are a redneck Master
If you have an orange dick from eating "cheetos" in front of the TV in grandma's root cellar, you are a redneck Master
If that orange dick gets used in the sub, you are a redneck Master
If you go and show grandma your orange dick, you are a redneck Master
If you go back and tell the sub about what grandma said about your orange dick, you are a redneck Master
If your grandma tells grandpa about your orange dick, then you are a redneck Master's grandson
If you posted the "address" of the root cellar, you are a redneck Master
If the "spreader" is the same one that you use on the farm animals, you are a redneck Master
If you think "Ol Bessies" bridle will fit just fine, then you are a redneck Master
If you've considered "Pony Play" with real horse shoes, you are a redneck Master
If you've ever said to the sub. "here, let me show you how to put them on", then you are a redneck Master
If you've ever asked grandma to "borrow" the horse shoes, you are a redneck Master
If you borrowed grandpas vintage wooden teeth, you're definitely a redneck Master
If you think that making candles from bacon fat is great for the ambiance and aroma, then your are a redneck Master
If you've used the bacon fat on the sub, you are a redneck Master
If you've used the bacon fat on yourself, you are a redneck Master
If you've used your hunting knife to shave your sub, you are a redneck Master

< Message edited by HardtotheKore -- 7/29/2011 10:00:26 PM >

(in reply to MistressLiL)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/30/2011 5:06:56 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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lol cute!!

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/30/2011 5:14:50 AM

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Joined: 6/19/2011
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I love redneck humor, these were great.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/30/2011 10:11:15 PM

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Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline

If your idea of fore play is fondling the fresh killed pelt, you are a redneck Master
If you think that welding chain links on the sub “otta keep ‘er in place”, you’re a redneck Master
If you fumble through the grade school graduation pictures to find a sub, you’re a redneck Master
If you picked out “Bobbie Sue Gentry” and she agrees to be your sub, then you are a redneck Master
If “Bobbie Sue Gentry” asks you what sub means and respond with “So U Blow”, then you are a redneck Master
If “Bobbie Sue Gentry” asks how your Grandma’s doing, then you are a redneck Master
If you’ve ever used a possum trap to keep “Bobbie Sue Gentry’s lips closed, then you’re a redneck Master
If you borrowed the possum trap from Grandpa, you are a redneck Master
If you thought that “fear tactics” involved gators in the swamp “over yonder”, you’re definitely a redneck Master
If your version of “dress up” involves a deer hide, you are a redneck Master
If you’re using a hay bailer as a vibrator, you are a redneck Master
If “Bobbie Sue Gentry” begs you "aw golly gee Master, can't that thing go faster?", then you are a redneck Master
If you ask Grandpa where the "go faster" button is, you're a redneck Master

< Message edited by HardtotheKore -- 7/30/2011 10:19:34 PM >

(in reply to erieangel)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/31/2011 4:16:36 AM

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Joined: 7/30/2011
From: Cumberland, MD, USA
Status: offline

ROFL!!! hilarious! :-D and I can laugh at these, living in Appalachia with family from West Virginia... ;-)
this makes me want a redneck master lol :-)

(in reply to HardtotheKore)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/31/2011 5:04:54 AM

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too funny

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/31/2011 7:37:28 PM

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Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline

When the sub asks to relieve herself and you point to the “outhouse”, that’s when you’re a true redneck Master
If you’ve ever used a tractor tire the “tie that special shape”, heck you’re a redneck Master
If you told the sub the “pick up some gasoline” before you “git here”, you’re a redneck Master
If the sub forgot to “git the gasoline” and you make her siphon the gas from the hay bailer, well, you’re a cheep redneck Master
If you ever farted onto a lit bic lighter cause “you just seen it on Youtube”, you just might be a redneck Master
Now if you seemed to “light” the flame and made the sub fart onto a lit bic lighter, you’re true redneck Master
If you’ve ever make a dungeon video with grandma as the producer, you may be a redneck Master
If grandpa stared in the video, you are a redneck Master
If for some reason, you figured out how to add credits to the video, you’re a better redneck Master than most others
If you've ever asked your sub "can you pee upside down" you are a true redneck Master
If you had the bright idea of telling grandama "git the camera ready, she's a gonna blow" you are a redneck Master
If you've said "oh shit, the batteries are dead" you are a redneck Master
If you signed a contract with an "X", you're a forward thinking redneck Master
If the sub signed the contract with an "X" you're redneck Master and good to go
If grandma and grandpa witness the contract, then you are a redneck Master in a converted root cellar

< Message edited by HardtotheKore -- 7/31/2011 8:13:29 PM >

(in reply to favesclava)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 7/31/2011 11:03:43 PM

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Joined: 7/21/2011
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You know you’re a redneck Master when the flogger came from the family cow
You know you’re a redneck Master when you sell floggers as “fresh” on eBay
If that eBay message ever got through, you know there’s more redneck Masters
If you’ve ever offered “cum’in difrent’ colors”, you’re an ambitious redneck Master
If the sub uses a convex mirror to burn the leather saying “from our beloved cow”, you’re a redneck Master
If grandma gave you a slap upside your head because you killed the beloved cow, you’re one hurtin’ redneck Master
If grandpa “gits” his hands on you, you’re gonna wish your momma never bore that redneck master
I gotta tell ya, it sure is one tough job being a redneck Master

< Message edited by HardtotheKore -- 7/31/2011 11:04:52 PM >

(in reply to HardtotheKore)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/1/2011 1:14:41 PM

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If your favorite cane is an old fishing rod with the guides removed, you are a redneck master.

If your favorite cane is an old fishing rod without the guides removed, you are a lazy redneck master.

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(in reply to HardtotheKore)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/2/2011 2:18:28 AM

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So this would be a redneckmaster?? *grinning*

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/2/2011 5:18:08 AM

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Joined: 9/26/2007
From: Country Victoria, Orstraliya
Status: offline

Dunno why but I keep seeing Larry the Cable guy in my head wearing a Gimp mask making piggy noises...........

Oh lord, and now I see a rodeo clown......... and Ron White with a huge black strapon

< Message edited by SirPumpy -- 8/2/2011 5:22:06 AM >

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/2/2011 5:35:52 AM

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From: Savannah, GA
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lol! (good morning/evening, SirP!!)

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/3/2011 10:46:23 AM

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If you refer to a 98 cent bamboo back scratcher from Pier One as an "Imported Cane"

You might be a CHEAP redneck master.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/3/2011 2:50:50 PM

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Status: offline

I could go for jeff foxworthy in a gimp hood... jus sayin
purrrr
Love the jokes,

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/5/2011 9:20:23 AM

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If the "outhouse" is inside the house, you just might be a redneck Master
If you have a "two" story outhouse, one for the Master (above) and one for the sub (below) to save "space" then you're a redneck Master

< Message edited by HardtotheKore -- 8/5/2011 9:22:10 AM >

(in reply to Lucylastic)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/13/2011 11:29:26 PM

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Joined: 7/21/2011
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If you thought a tractor pull competition was dragging your sub, you just might be a redneck Master

(in reply to HardtotheKore)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/13/2011 11:38:40 PM

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From: The state I live in? Confusion.
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I'm a redneck/hillbilly {whatever} and I thought these were hilarious. Thank's, y'all.

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RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 8/17/2011 2:47:11 PM

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Now playing with the family dog is one thing but using the dogs play ball and the subs ball gag is another. If you have those thoughts, you just might be a redneck Master

(in reply to TheShrew)

RE: Redneck BDSM Humor - 5/2/2014 10:17:48 PM

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if your idea of Binding your sub involves Baling twine, you're a redneck Master

(in reply to HardtotheKore)

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