RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Online to real-time in a month is fast?!?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!?

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/7/2009 10:16:32 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

RedMagic and LadyHibiscus, I've done some discreet play on the first date, like a little biting and hairpulling. I went to public playparties with two of the men I dated, including the one who is my Master now, but not on the first date. Going to a hotel room with someone I'd never met before just doesn't feel safe to me, but YMMV. Everyone has their own risk tolerance.

lilgirl, when I went to munches in the past, I found they were *very* difficult places to have individual conversations. Every time I struck up a conversation with someone on a subject other than kink, computers, or small talk, a bunch of people would join us and quickly switch the subject back to one of those topics! It was rather frustrating! Again, I'm sure that that isn't a problem in a lot of areas, or perhaps I just wasn't being sufficiently conversationally assertive.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/7/2009 10:19:24 PM >

(in reply to lilgirl2008)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/7/2009 10:22:47 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

It's up to you.

Feel it out....

If you're a girl....I couldn't possibly advise you....there's a whole world of shit that can happen to you as a woman that'll never happen to a man.

She's a girl, and almost as brilliant as she is beautiful. You won't see her making many ill-considered decisions.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/7/2009 10:33:53 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Thanks, Panda! I *do* try to be careful, but Lookie is right that women have to be concerned about a lot of things that most guys don't need to think about. I didn't take it that he meant me personally, just that he was addressing both men and women in general. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think that *I'm* a guy (though I suppose one never knows on the Interwebs).

Since I'm in a relationship now, it doesn't apply to me directly at this point in any case.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/7/2009 10:37:25 PM >

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/8/2009 2:04:11 AM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

I think that that women have all that things to think about and men not is one of the biggest misconceptions of all times.

I know of at least 4 submissive men who brought themselves in very dangerous situations with strangers. For 2 of them that was a part of the thrill, but the other 2 did not think about it long enough beforehand.

Luckily only one situation turned out bad, insofar that he found himself naked in the backyard ( 4 storeys high and a lot of people looking for the reason for the riot) and she yelling at him and throwing his clothes and belongings down. He had refused to do something she wanted him do to.

Every meeting of somebody new has the potenial for all things good and bad and it goes against my grain to see danger mostly for women.

I know a lot of woman who can like me look out for their own.

For me the question is running more along the lines of submissive vs. dominant. Some submissives can be very trusting and not able to set their boundaries straight and stick to them. These are more likely people i see at danger, and the sex has nothing to do with it.

< Message edited by ZenDragoness -- 6/8/2009 2:15:04 AM >

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Andalusite)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/8/2009 8:34:18 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
agirl, I agree that playing in a hotel room on the first date, after 1 month or 6 months or whatever is way too fast.
*******************************

oh dear. that's what i did with TheEngineer, a weekend of naughtiness on the first date, some 10 and a half years ago now. we had exactly 3 dates (of this sort) in that 9 years between meeting and deciding to marry. and we werent exactly in contact the whole of that 9 years.

oh and once upon a time, i had a friend named tom. i was having a minor freakout and my roomies were out of town and he told me to come sleep on his couch. i met his roommate, wolf. 15 days later wolf and i were getting married. that lasted a wee bit over 16 years.

so yeah fast is fast is slow.

but i've no real regrets over any of it.

kitten

(in reply to lilgirl2008)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/8/2009 5:33:34 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

In terms of meeting, I'm pretty amenable to that as long as there's a baseline comfort level and it's in a public place.
If someone is too pushy or something of the like, those are red flags. I had a guy yesterday on here announce I should meet him at a freakin' convenience store parking lot and when I said I was sick and that the venue was wildly inappropriate (I believe I suggested he should hire a prostitute if what he wanted), he got abusive and threatening.
I've met several people from CM in real time. While not all have been relationship material for me, I'd say the meets were generally positive. :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/10/2009 8:55:19 PM

penitentialarts

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline

In my experience, things work best if you don't spend a lot of time developing an online "relationship" - that medium is best for making initial contact that then moves on to a safe public meeting fairly quickly.

When people spend too much time getting to know each other online it can lead to disappointment at the first meeting, since they have built up fantasy images about what the other person sounds like, acts like, etc.

- Jesse

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? - 6/15/2009 6:04:05 AM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I understand the wisdom in being safe. However - if that Dom God you just met is a serial killer, it's better that you meet him in the shortest amount of time possible.

Good serial killers take a great deal of time planning their crime. If you meet in a week .. it's not likely he's got a plan in place. If you wait a month, you're doomed.

SoulPiercer, i think i read that somewhere on a website

...
i'm a little worried that You sound like the voice of experience on this one. Care to share?????

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Profile

Post #: 68