Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (Full Version)

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ShaharThorne -> Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/6/2009 9:03:56 PM)

I admit that I am bipolar (mixed episodes) and my meds are working, even making me gain weight (BUMMER!). I just feel isolated from other people, especially those into kink.

In order not to be homeless, I moved back in with my mother without my partner, whom I have not seen for 3 months and has apparently moved on to a new Master. I want to work but with how people view mental illness has my self esteem shaken. If I want to go anywhere, I have to ask my mother for a ride. I have never had a drivers license, but I have driven in the country a few times to ensure I still had the skills to do so. I am used to Austin for public transportation, but now reside on 5 acres with my mother.

I don't mind watching the hummingbirds on the porch, but all I do is sit on my butt either messing with the computer, reading regency romance novels or watch HGTV or any of the CSIs. Everything gets mononotous(?) and boring. I want to be myself, but I have to wear this mask in order to survive. No ropeplay, no edgeplay and I am moping half the time. I am not suicidal, just depressed about being so isolated without someone other than my mother to talk to.

Oh yeah, if someone can get the lowdown on Depakote ER, I would appreciate it. Ditto on Geodon and trazodone.

Shahar



onlyfreelycaged -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/6/2009 10:24:38 PM)

hugs...

I a sure that you'll be able to get through this..





Daddysredhead -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/6/2009 10:32:21 PM)

Geodon has been the saving grace for one of my family members.  Without it, we would be in crisis mode every day.  I'm not sure what you meant by "get the lowdown," but for the person in my family, it has been a wonder drug, coupled with Lithium, and Wellbutrin for the winter months and coping with symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder that compounds the Bipolar Disorder during the months of less sunshine.

Be sure to take your meds as prescribed and let your physician know of any changes, however small, that you or others may see in your mood or behavior.  Constantly checking and adjusting meds can be tedious, but it is well worth the effort if it makes you function properly and stabilizes the mood swings.

All the best to you and yours.  This is a maddening disorder at times, but it is not hopeless.

~ Red

(typo)



Arpig -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 1:41:12 AM)

I know where you are coming from Shahar. I do not have a solution for you, but if I find one for my own situation, I'll let you know. For now I try my best. I try not to let myself become to down, I go for walks, and I eat ice cream (no not every day, but I get some every grocery expedition).
I find I dream and fantasize a lot, not about things sexual, but about having a better more fulfilling life. I doubt that helps really but I find it is sort of beginning to work like the visualizing thing the motivational types talk about, I am feeling more inspired to try to make some positive changes.
Anyway, all the best, not much comfort, but you are not alone.



aphotic -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 1:48:38 AM)

Look up Schizoid Personality Disorder, and see what you think of that. It isn't schizophrenia at all.

Depakote I was on at one point for stress seizures caused by social anxiety. I never thought it did anything personally. Trazodone made me so dizzy that I had to crawl to the bathroom to die (at least I thought I was going to at the time).

Lithium is sort of the gold standard, but you have to get blood tests constantly to check your levels and kidney function. I was never on it for bi-polar, but for chronic depression. It seemed to do nothing for me though, and I don't understand the songs about it. Apparently it's slightly less effective without the heroin.

Anywho, good luck with it all. From my understanding of things, it can take a lot of hit and misses to find a good drug combination, so be patient and reorganize your life at your own pace (providing home allows for that).



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 2:47:57 PM)

i don't know that i really have that much constructive to offer you, but i am also bipolar & at one time felt all alone.  i, also, felt isolated from like-minded P/people.  Then along came some friends online & Sir in real-life, all of whom know i am bipolar and accept me for who i am.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.....although you might not see it right now, it is there.

Also, i have never tried it but a very good friend of mine is on Geodon & it works fantastically for her.  i take a combination of different Rx meds for my bipolar & all i can say is stay on your meds & get the levels checked  every so often.....the dosages may need to be changed or different meds tried even.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 2:51:44 PM)

Lithium can work well for a lot of people, but then there is also Lithium toxicity to watch out for.  i was on it and it seemed to work well for the bipolar symptoms, but the effective dose was also toxic....some of the signs of toxicity are shaking, severe throwing up, severe runs.......if you & your prescriber go that route make sure your prescriber tells you all of them.



plsurnpain -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 3:04:37 PM)

my daughter is diagnosed  schitzo-affective disorder  and she recently had to spend time in the hospital, BUT they finally  put her on a theraputic dosage  of seroquel <sp?>  , for her its 800mg pm  and its working wonders for her.   Im truly happy to have my daughter back :)



ShaharThorne -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 3:46:29 PM)

I used to take Lithium when I was first DXed and it tripled my thyroid levels like crazy, not to mention the weight gain. I was on Cymbalta until 3 months ago when I accidently took too much trazodone (I was having a bit of a PTSD episode and insomia for 5+ days). My counseler is trying to help me out on getting a job as long as it is clerical. I am waiting final review for my SSI and my brother admits that I look stoned when he sees me (at times I have to take naps without warning).

One of the things about being bipolar is being hypersexual. Hence I love ropeplay and edgeplay, not to mention breathplay. Since my last hospitalization, I have not been able to engage in anything and I am starting to feel fiesty. I want to find a meaningful relationship, not a slam-bam-on your knees, Sam one nighter (I'm a switch, so I play both courts).

Oh I am just rambling on now. I appreciate all of y'all replying to me and cheering me up a bit.

Shahar



purepleasure -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 3:51:49 PM)

I'm not going to go into great detail, but the combination of Geodon, Tegretol, and Ativan have provided a great reduction in episodes and mood swings for a much loved family member.



ShaharThorne -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 4:23:12 PM)

Tegretol makes me itch like crazy and I have a naturally maintained french manicure, so I mark myself (but the subs I used to play with loved my furrows as a badge).



Daddysredhead -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 5:03:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aphotic

Lithium is sort of the gold standard, but you have to get blood tests constantly to check your levels and kidney function.


Low dose Lithium does not require blood tests, but once you are at the therapeutic amount, they are necessary.  A small price to pay if it actually does the trick. 



Arpig -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 7:17:25 PM)

quote:

my daughter is diagnosed  schitzo-affective disorder  and she recently had to spend time in the hospital, BUT they finally  put her on a theraputic dosage  of seroquel <sp?>  , for her its 800mg pm  and its working wonders for her.   Im truly happy to have my daughter back :)

That's my diagnosis as well. I am also on seroquel. I dislike it as it makes me sleep for like 14-15 hours, which after work, leaves precious little time for life. I am going to bring this up with the medico the next time I see him.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 7:26:19 PM)

I was on theraputic dose levels and it becan to show damage to my liver when the dr did liver function tests, not just once but twice, so he took me off the meds.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead



Low dose Lithium does not require blood tests, but once you are at the therapeutic amount, they are necessary.  A small price to pay if it actually does the trick. 



aravain -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/7/2009 10:41:46 PM)

FR

I was on Trazodone on a 'as needed' basis to sleep during manic phases. A tiny amount (not even considered therapeutic) made me sleep for almost 24 hours straight. A dreamless, disgusting sleep that I woke up from still manic, but desperately more tired than I was before sleeping. Halving the dose made it only 17 -.-

Needless to say, I don't take it anymore (and my teachers didn't care, too).

Someone mentioned seroquel... it worked well for me, except the massive weight gain. For about two months it made me very tired, but I switched to taking it right before bed and it was ok. Then it was messing up with something else and I had to go off it.

Wellbutrin was a horrible failure for me too... made me so terribly manic... well, it was bad.

Lithium did nothing.

Albeuterol (sp, probably) was a great drug, no side effects, and really augmented my other drugs to make their therapeutic uses work much better. Unfortunately it wasn't as useful without some of the other medications (and I was sick of taking seven pills for my mental problems a day).

Lamictal has been wonderful for me. I'm on it, alone, now, on a medium dose, and while it doesn't *stop* the mood swings or anything like that, it sorta boxes them a little bit more.

I liken it to taking a sound wave, and then smushing it from top and bottom AND right and left... so I get more 'swings' but they're all much closer to baseline. I'm not a zombie, I still have emotions and I'm not having such wild swings that people think there's something wrong with me.

Lamictal comes with a potentially hazardous side effect of a rash that can prove fatal... so they usually start it by giving a little at a time and increase gradually... once you get to a therapeutic dose you don't really have to worry, however... I've even gone off-meds for almost two months (there was a legitimate reason) and then back on for another two with no rash and no build up :) It's a LONG lasting med, though... it'll be in your blood up to 6 weeks after you stop it... and really takes 6 weeks to start working.

Blah, babbling. Email me on the other side if you're interested in hearing more.



DesFIP -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/8/2009 6:45:00 AM)

You need to get into therapy stat. Meds alone don't cut it.

My oldest is mixed states, type II, cycles every 5 minutes. Lithium and Depakote do nothing for her. She's on Lamictal, now off patent. She drives, she is a competitive athlete and maintains high grades in one of the nation's best private universities.

At the very least, can you take online courses to start training for a new career or update your old skills.



SavageFaerie -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/8/2009 4:55:23 PM)

I have used trazadone off and on for years but only for bouts of insomnia.

I dont have bi-polar but do have chronic depression and take a mix of celexa  and wellbrutrin for it and it seems to be a good mix.
My main problem is suffering from social and general anxiety disorder. This literly shut down my life for more years than I want to think about.
It caused many phobia to manifest, the worst was agoraphobia..I literly never left the house except for dr's appts.

I have always felt that in trying to balance out my brain chemical they could get it somewhat level but I never felt truly level.

I have recently met and become a part of a poly family where both are accepting of my disorder and actually work very had. poen is working hard to recondition me to life outside.  I havent had a DL or even needed to drive for over 10 years.  I am actually thinking of trying to get it back. I just let it lapse since I was in no condition to attempt driving much less getting out.

While getting to know this couple, and playing with them, which is something I also let go, I have found that the endorphine release provided that missing balance.  It increased the dopamine levels and has made a huge diffference.  So isolating myself from play actually made things worse.

Isolatation I can most definetly relate to as it was part and parcel of my life until Feb of this year. 

If you want to talk about that aspect please feel free to contact me on the other side. I too have lived with family or friends and have been reliant on them getting me places.  In some cases thats the hardest.

I hope you get balanced, stay on meds, if they dont work, tell the dr.  I dont know how many combos or meds I have tried over the years but it can be difficult to find ones that balance.

Good luck



DesFIP -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/9/2009 5:37:12 AM)

For endorphin release, try working out very hard. A heavy exercise program will help with the lack of play.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/9/2009 6:50:35 PM)

Sometimes one has to get the right combination of meds, plus good psychotherapy too.  i'm on two mood stabilizers, an anti-depressant, and an anti-psychotic, and go to therapy every month.  But it took years to get the right Rx combination.



penitentialarts -> RE: Dealing with the isolation of bipolar...(ranting) (6/10/2009 9:06:58 PM)

There are a lot of people in the lifestyle who have emotional or mental issues.  I know quite a number of bipolars, and also folks with standard clinical depression, heavy clinical level OCD, etc. etc.  Many of them have been able to find and maintain good relationships.

The important thing is that you don't get fed up and go off meds altogether.  It's very common to have to walk through combinations of meds for years before finding the right ones.  The side-effects of some of them fade away with time, too.  I know it isn't pleasant in the meantime, but when you find something that works, it will all be worth it.

I would strongly suggest that you get a driver's license, though.  Outside of Austin and very select areas of the other big cities, public transportation is virtually non-existent in Texas (we're too spread out).

- Jesse



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