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lovingpet -> Mastered: A Rant (6/8/2009 10:05:05 AM)
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This piece will seem like it doesn't belong here at first, but please bear with me. For those who know me or live what I describe, it will make a great deal of sense. Others may never quite understand. That's okay. I just need to say it and have it heard.
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I have a master like no other. Cruel, hard demanding in demeanour, I cannot resist the commands. There is no escape. There is no walking away. There is only suffering through. There is only a slow death of everything I ever knew. There is nothing but control and his constant eye is upon me. I will pay for every single transgression, no matter its size. This master has no mercy.
This master controls my body. Each and everything this flesh does, this iron fist relentlessly determines it all. I wake and sleep to the rhythm set for me with my detriment of no consequence. I feed only when and what is begrudgingly permitted, though I will sometimes try to sneak and cut my way around it. I pay for it every time, but sometimes it is just a desperation. My steps are measured with calculated cruelty. This master sees to it that there is pain in every move I make. I don't need a leash to keep me fettered. My own agony will manage it quite well. Vile laughter when I fall. Vicious smirks when I struggle to do simple things. I breathe only as I am offered. I feel only what has not been muted by this cruelest of creatures and the only thing left audible in my body, firey, hellish pain.
My mind belongs to this master as well. My thoughts are convoluted and blurred with every imaginable distraction. I scream inside my head, but no one can understand. My words are churned and my thoughts become chaos until the master has isolated all my joys and pains and confusion and fear and wisdom to nothing more than a haunting dance within my mind. My emotions are in this master's whimsy. They ride on each sadistic ploy used to turn my whole world upside down. I laugh, I cry, I rage on the determination of this other force I cannot avoid or hinder.
My dreams are gone and my future is in the palm of this horrible master's hand. My usefulness has been sapped away and my life is left without anything to show for it. Dreams of yesterday simple don't fit with the stark reality of today. My livelihood is choked out. My energy is gone long before the setting of the sun. Yet the taskmaster crack the whip still harder. I have to go on. There's still too much to do.
For those who share my demonic master, this is just a nod of compassionate understanding. I know it's not fun and I know it's not fair. Fibromyalgia can go to hell, back to where this evil master must have been born in the first place!
Thanks for listening
lovingpet
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