feeling down (Full Version)

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Dannigirl -> feeling down (6/9/2009 2:27:42 AM)

i am new to message boards but just wanted to ask this, how do you other slaves deal with the terrible feelings of loss and lonliness when your Master had to go home.  Master and i do not live together but he came to stay last weekend, but when it was time to go i just wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. I know he will be back and is always saying he loves me and i need not worry but i just feel so alone.[sm=river.gif]



KateyCaine -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 3:15:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dannigirl

i am new to message boards but just wanted to ask this, how do you other slaves deal with the terrible feelings of loss and lonliness when your Master had to go home.  Master and i do not live together but he came to stay last weekend, but when it was time to go i just wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. I know he will be back and is always saying he loves me and i need not worry but i just feel so alone.[sm=river.gif]


All i want to do right now is just hug you :) i can't begin to imagine how you feel each time He has to leave.

Have you told Him that you feel like this being without Him? Communication is key, however i have no idea about your circumstances or His living circumstances, so i can't really give advive. Master and i live in different countries (He lives in Pennsylvania,US and i live in NZ of all places!), and sometimes i miss being with Him so much, i too want to curl up in a ball and sob. i tell Him this frequently, as i don't hide my feelings from Him.

Does He live in another town or city, or live with anyone? Do you?? Are there any obstacles in the way of the two of you being together and sharing a residence??

Let me know your situation, so i can let you know what to do or how to handle being away from Him.

k.



chamberqueen -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:50:52 AM)

I've found that the better the time together the more painful it can be after parting.  What has helped me is to keep a journal in which I put down only good thoughts and memories.  Then when I get lonely I can pick that up and it will make me smile again.

If it helps, it gets easier with time and practice.  Yes - it hurts - but remind yourself of the beautiful moments.  Know that they will come again.  Hugs.



leadership527 -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:54:02 AM)

*sighs* I feel for you. Carol and I were long distance when we met. Let's see, what we did was...

a) Visit every 6 weeks.
b) Run up $300 phone bills (this was 15 years ago)
c) Get married as promptly as possible

I mean, what else can you do really?



Dannigirl -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:56:23 AM)

thanks for replies, he knows how i feel, i live at home, helping caring for my mother who has alzheimers, he lives in another town about 4 hours away and unless i can win lottery and get my own place we cannot live together.  I like the idea of a journal chamberqueen thanks, will try it and i agree the bettert he time when we are together the tougher it is when he leaves.
Thanks KateyCaine for hugs, it means a lot to know there is such nice people in the lifestyle willing to help.



Dannigirl -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:59:08 AM)

thanks leadership527, but marrige is not really a viable situation due to age difference, but would be a dream come true for slave, never mind i am going to make the most of the time we are together and serve Master to the best of my ability. thanks for help. xx



chamberqueen -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 8:24:59 AM)

I find that my muse often strikes when I am in that mood.  Sometimes I will write poetry, or beautiful emails.

It can also help to do little things to pamper yourself.  Maybe a nice bubble bath with scented candles place for atmosphere, or a pedicure or facial - whatever makes you feel comforted.  Other slaves have been very helpful to me having gone through similar things themselves.  Just be careful to take care of you, and remember that as vivid as the emotions are at the time that they are not there forever.  Looking back you will see that they passed more quickly than you would have believed they could though it never seems so at the time.



kuriouswitch -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 10:32:08 AM)

Master and I are long distance, the last day of my visit to him and he had to go home I sobbed. There are times when I cry even now because a part of me feels like we'll never be together or that next spring is too far away. I'm trying to save so I can go see him again on my birthday and that keeps me going, knowing that in just a few months I can see him again. and Master gave me one of his shirts for me to sleep and cuddle with.



softness -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 11:55:15 AM)

I spend the weekends with Sir and the Family and back to my hometown during the week ... Monday is *never* a good day. Even if there hasn't been any specific "play" .. I suffer from some degree of drop upon returning home. I go from a busy house full of people and lots of tearing around to a flat all on my own and a very dull week of work ahead of me.

Some weeks I cope with that better than others. Dropping isn't failure, its reality. Not dealing with it, or not planning for it, for me that would be failure - for you thats your own call.

I plan to have things to do on a monday after work - if possible I catch a movie with friends, or go out to dinner... anything will do, just not nothing.  I make sure that there is something tasty to eat so I have a real meal and don't just misery eat. Get some good sleep (you wont have gotten much sleep and being tired always has an impact on your emotional state), pamper yourself a bit (tonight am planning a long bath with a glass of wine, an early night with a good book and fresh  sheets ... super noms).

Be open about how you are feeling with your Dom ... Sir knows full well I am always down in the dumps early in the week and because I communicate with Him Sir can help me feel better.

Most importantly try to keep at least a little perspective. This weekend was particularly special for me, surrounded by the whole Leather Family I petitioned for and Sir granted me a collar on Saturday, yet less than 24hrs later I was at the station on my way home. Imagine that high followed by that crash back to reality. I lost perspective on the situation and it was a miserable pity party for a few hours .. I took a step back and felt a whole lot better.

As I say to myself ... with all the love in the world ... I just have to man up!



lronitulstahp -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 12:08:23 PM)

Gosh...i know how you feel. [&o] i just allow myself to feel down for a while.  Then i call Him, or send Him an email, and share our pleasant memories.  i try to visualize what our next time together will be like. i try to visualize the future, with Him in it. i pour energy into work, time with friends and family, and the things i normally do when apart from Him; the things i do most of the time.

To borrow from a CM friend:

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."




DesFIP -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 6:12:22 PM)

You might want to use the search feature on subdrop. The natural response to using up all sorts of brain chemicals and the flat period before they recharge. If you've played heavily right before he leaves, or tend to make the most of the visits while not having enough rest, breaks for food, water, down time then this is probably it.


Naps, chocolate, orgasms, are all helpful. If you have the energy, go work out. Prevention is to make sure you eat lightly but healthily, drink enough water, get enough sleep and don't play until the very last minute.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 6:22:49 PM)

I agree with DesFIP.  Naps, chocolate & orgasms seem to help me too.  Sir & i live an hour apart & spend the weekends T/together.  Also, when W/we are together, W/we take plenty of water & rest breaks when playing and W/we don't play at the last minute, but use the last day mostly for wind-down and relaxation so W/we don't go from all to nothing in a short period of time.  That seems to work for U/us.  Plus, whenever i'm lonely for Him, i reach up and touch His collar around my neck.....that's also comforting.



lovingpet -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 6:41:04 PM)

Oh, sweetie!!!!  huggggs

I cry every time we have to part.  He doesn't let me for long as he believes tears are blackmail and a slave shouldn't have that kind of power lol.  He will have me laughing about something before we separate, but the moment I am back in my car and we are literally headed opposite directions the sobs get going.  It is terrible and ugly for days, and just a bluesy ache the rest of the time.

Part of it could be a subdrop thing.  I know it is for me.  All the good time stuff starting to shift back around in your body when all you want to do is stay in your bliss forever.  And then you get the double whammy of having to part ways.  It sucks.

We talk even more than we already do the days and even a few weeks after parting if we must be apart that long.  I tell him all about how miserable I am and he tells me all about how much he misses me too.  We get each other laughing, retrace our time together, assess how much our relationship grew while we were together, and dream about next time.  All in all, it is a very special, bittersweet time.

I have a big teddy bear I sleep with for as long as I need because my everyday life does not have someone sharing a bed with me and cuddling up in the dark.  That's the worst part I think, that empty space beside me.  Bear Bear will have to do.  Awwwww man!!!!!!  I think I need Bear Bear tonight!

More hugs!!!!!

lovingpet



whimzgirl -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:00:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dannigirl

i am new to message boards but just wanted to ask this, how do you other slaves deal with the terrible feelings of loss and lonliness when your Master had to go home.  Master and i do not live together but he came to stay last weekend, but when it was time to go i just wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. I know he will be back and is always saying he loves me and i need not worry but i just feel so alone.[sm=river.gif]


Oh dear danni!  I feel for you.  My Master and I only get to spend an average of 5 hours together once a week.  The rest of the time is phone calls, e-mails, and online chat.  I always break down into tears just as we start our goodbye rituals.  He is always very caring and understands how I feel.  He lets me cry and doesn't make me feel like I should be stuffing those feelings away.  He is quite insistent that I never hide my feelings from Him.  We live about 3 hours apart and have some complications that we are each working on so that in the future we can live with each other.  Normally we meet in the middle and the entire drive home I'm normally crying.  I even have some breakdowns after we've talked on the phone or chatted online too.  Subdrop is a horrible thing to be sure!

Here are some of my coping mechanisms:

1.  My Master insists that a I keep a blog and I always recap our meetings there.  I write about what happened and how I felt about it.  It really helps to get it out and then many times when I'm feeling especially lonely or sad I'll go back and read the entries again.  We have this blog set up as private so only we can see it but it's nice because I can access it anywhere and don't have to worry about wondering where I put that darn book. [:D]

2.  We try to set up our next meeting as soon as possible.  It seems like when I have a date in mind that I know I'm going to see Him then I am better able to handle the separation time.

3.  I sleep with several pillows that are placed exactly where He told me to place them.  It really helps me to go through this ritual each night and know that He knows I've done it.  I'm planning on picking up a bottle of his normal cologne so I can keep His scent with me while I sleep.

4.  I really enjoy when He gives me little tasks to complete for Him.  It keeps my mind busy and I feel useful.  It's really hard being a slave when you don't have the person you need to serve there with you.  I know I sometimes feel pretty useless and those tasks can help to wipe those feelings away and keep Him close to me in spirit.

It sounds like the other girls have given you great ideas too.  I hope you are able to find some peace but know that we are here if you need a shoulder to cry on.  I buy kleenex in bulk!! 

Big hugs,

gabby



marie2 -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:27:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dannigirl

I know he will be back and is always saying he loves me and i need not worry but i just feel so alone.[sm=river.gif]


"Need not worry" about what?



NyDaddysGirl -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 7:52:50 PM)

I only get to see my Daddy on weekends as we live an hour and a half away and it's always a difficult drive home.

As other mentioned several things that help me during the inbetween times, I have one other suggestion that helps me.  I bring home a shirt that he has worn for a few hours the day I have to leave.  I wear that shirt to bed at night and when I need to feel close to him.  I bring it back to him all washed and bring another home in it's place.

I hope some of the suggestions or a combination of them are helpful.



Kalista07 -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 8:08:14 PM)


i can seriously relate to Your issue here Danni....When He and i first started seeing each other we lived about 3 hours apart... {2 hours and 15 minutes if He wasn't alert enough to tell me to drive the speed limit home...but i didn't tell You all that. :P} The reality is there wasn't much obvious BDSM aspect to our relationship in the beginning. We didn't play, and due to some prior issues i was trying to address we didn't have sex. But, i think in hindsight i was going through some kind of drop afterward....Maybe not subdrop...but something... For me the reality was, this was the first time i had ever experienced true real life happiness. and it scared the hell out of me.
Some things i did when we were still just seeing each other were:
1. On the weekends when i knew we wouldn't be seeing each other for whatever reason, i would make plans with supportive, loving friends.
2. I would exercise...even if it was just to a home walking dvd...The endorphine release did not hurt me ever!!!
3. I would send him cards...boughten cards...homemade cards... little notes just to let Him know i was thinking of Him.
4. I would think about what i was going to wear when we were together.
5. I would paint my nails....... This can be a very long and tedious process for me...i blame the poor hand/eye coordination issues. :P
6. Get a message....

Danni, the most important thing is for you to take care of yourself. It seems like you have a high risk of being 'needed' or 'serving' other people and that's great and feels wonderful for a while. But, the reality for me is that eventually i used that as a way to escape and not to have to feel the feelings i was experiencing. This might not even be a concern for You....But, just thought i'd throw it out there.
Kali



leadership527 -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 8:19:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Naps, chocolate, orgasms, are all helpful.

So out of curiosity, is there any problem in the entire world that naps, chocolate and orgasms isn't a perfect prescription for? That's got "good for what ails you" written all over it.
[sm=mrpuffy.gif]



DesFIP -> RE: feeling down (6/9/2009 8:22:19 PM)

Sure, the common cold responds best to hot tea with lemon and honey and homemade chicken soup. Not cold water and chocolate. But naps are always indicated in a sleep deprived society.

You hear the one about the lady who had two chickens? One got sick so she killed the other one and made soup from it to nurse the ill one back to health.



Dannigirl -> RE: feeling down (6/10/2009 2:51:51 AM)

It is wonderful to know there is others who go through this down time as well, i thought i was being silly, i do have a desire to be needed and love to serve so being alone is even worse.  He says no tears when we part this time i did hold them till i was back in my car but then let them flow, and now fighting them now as i write this too !!!.   I get so paranoid if i know he is around and does not comunicate, which is daft as he says he loves me to bits. I depend on him so much it is scary, i slept on floor last night as Master refocussed my head for me and am now coping a little better. Thanks for hugs etc and take care all. XX



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