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Shack -> RE: Sub vs. Slave (9/9/2009 10:10:49 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PETschmetterling
I hate to ask what may seem like a stupid question but I'm fairly new to the entire BDSM scene and I'm just unsure since I thought the terms could be used interchangably but does not seem to really be the case. What is the difference between a sub and slave?
I am going to assume that you asked the question in all seriousness. It has been addressed many times; often, in my opin ion, with responses like you have received here. Personally, I think that an understanding of the generally accepted meaning of labels like sub and slave are important if we use those terms when we communicate with each other. If you use the terms to refer to farting capacity and I use them to refer to degrees of surrender, we obviously are not communicating effectively when we use the terms.
Some will tell you it all depends on what meaning you give the terms because these are personal labels; you don't need to pay attention to how others use (or misuse) the terms. I disagree. Since we don't have a recognized dictionary that provides the meanings in a BDSM context, I usually go to the BDSM authors and trainers I repect to see how they use the terms. There is surprising consistency here.
They all agree that the term "bottom" refers to a time-limited, sexual role that can be very fluid (can change rapidly). "Bottom" simply refers to the receiver of the action, usually a passive partner; and is limited to the duration of the act or some other very specific period.
The term "submissive" refers to someone who has surrendered power to another (the "Dominant"), usually for a specific time or circumstance; e.g., I am your obedient submissive in the bedroom and your equal at all other times. Master Steve Sampson and Master Skip Chasey point out that D/s is anchored in the mental body and involves Power exchange.
M/s is a lifestyle choice and is not limited in time or circumstance. It is anchored in the spiritual body, involves Authority exchange, and is a way of being. In my opinion, Master Steve Sampson wrote an exquisite description of the slave that states in part:
"A slave is a man or woman who has a special heart -- a heart that requires a connection with another person in order to find completeness in their life. A person is born with a slave heart -- he cannot be 'made' into a slave nor can wishing to be one bring it about. It is a natural state. A slave may actualize their destiny by choosing to live in obedience to another person’s will and to serve that person – their Master or Mistress – in obedience. Most slaves are very bright and capable, and they may make many decisions every day affecting other people, large sums of money, important projects, and so on. But slaves generally do not make decisions easily or well that concern themselves, and that is one of the reasons they seek a Master – to form that point of centeredness from which to live their lives.
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“Once a slave truly understands that their existence is more complete and fulfilled in being obedient, everything else falls into place. A slave speaks in order to convey requested information or to request information about the Master’s intention. A slave eats, sleeps, washes, exercises, takes medication, and so on in order to remain healthy and available for service. slaves labor at tasks assigned by their Master or hold an outside job so they can contribute to the Master’s household and not be a financial burden. Anything a slave is allowed to do for personal gratification is a gift from their Master, not a right. When this aspect of slave heart is realized, slaves start to find peace in their lives.”
(Butchmann’s material: What is a slave? As quoted by Dr. Robert Rubel in Protocols, Handbook for the female slave)
Whether you are new to the lifestyle or not I recommend reading as much as possible about the lifestyle, attending lifestyle educational events, and seeking out educational opportunities whenever possible.
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