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RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 5:17:55 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan


quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead.


I caught the same segment on CBS this morning, and it also got me thinking...about male submissives, and how I have yet to meet one that I saw a hint of chivalry, as shown on the morning show. I just can't see myself having to "order" or "train" a man to treat a woman like a lady, in the sense of the way the TV segment showed.

I'm also a bit of a chauvinist myself, in that a man, regardless of his orientation, should treat a woman, like a lady.

IMO, it is a confident and caring man that can share or show his feelings.

K


I get compliments on how polite Fox is all the time -- generally the person giving compliment means more than the fact that he opens doors and carries packages but also that he's say "ma'am" or "sir" to someone he doesn't know plus other things.

I have to laugh cause I never trained him this way; his parents did.

But I can and have trained other submissives to behave the same way regardless of if they are male or female.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 5:34:01 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There are ways to do the same act in which it can be completely unnoticed, or completely unavoidable.

Do I think people do the giggling/sir'ring/crawling/etc motions to show off and say "Oh look how awesome we are?" Absolutely.

But I also think it's pretty obvious to tell when that's what's going on versus simple natural behavior.


I agree that its obvious when its putting on airs versus just the way people relate. But I think that has more to do with seeing how a person is than saying that a particular act is showing off.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 5:49:36 PM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

What do you think a Dom is?

What do you think a Gentleman is?

Are we identifing these labels by the behaviors demonstrated?

What about the motivations of these behaviors as well?

I am not concerned what others think is Domly or the Gentlemanly thing to do. I am who I am. Sometimes I hold the door, sometimes I don't. Sometimes, I sit first, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I enter a room first, sometimes I don't. these situtions are of no importance without considering the situation they occur and the given relationship. Being a Gentlemen to me is not just directed to a female. Being a gentlemen is just another phrase of indicating courtousy behavior. As a I drive, I let someone in the lane as they signal. Courtousy, is such a gentleman thing to do, but what if your a lady? Is that Ladylike?

Knight, this is exactly what Master and i saw as the issue. He is a gentleman through and through, but not just with me. He is who He is with everyone He meets, and in all situations. And yes, when I exhibit similar behaviors that is me being a lady. We treat everyone with courtesy and respect, and therefore it is natural to treat one another that way as well.
He is my Master, my Protector, my Daddy, and loves to take care of me, and show His love for me. At the same time, as His slave, my heart's desire is to take care of Him, His needs, to wait on Him hand and foot, and put my love for Him into action (yes, love is a verb!)

O/our courteous and respectful treatment of O/one another in no way compromises the M/s dynamic between U/us. He can pamper me, and still be in charge. When i take care of Him, He is still in charge. He wouldn't pamper me if He didn't choose to, nor allow me to take care of Him if He didn't choose to.

Being a gentleman (or a lady) does not indicate Dominant behavior, nor detract from Dominant behavior. It's simply common courtesy and manners. The dynamics of individual relationships will vary from D/s or M/s, and the men and women involved. In some relationships the female holds the power, others it's a man. In some the submissive is a man and in others a woman. It doesn't change treating each other with courtesy and respect, it just changes who holds the authority and power. Whoever the Dominant person is can exhibit courtesy, respect, manners, and love for their submissive, and can allow that submissive to treat them the same way.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 6:50:28 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tapestry


Being a gentleman (or a lady) does not indicate Dominant behavior, nor detract from Dominant behavior. It's simply common courtesy and manners. The dynamics of individual relationships will vary from D/s or M/s, and the men and women involved. In some relationships the female holds the power, others it's a man. In some the submissive is a man and in others a woman. It doesn't change treating each other with courtesy and respect, it just changes who holds the authority and power. Whoever the Dominant person is can exhibit courtesy, respect, manners, and love for their submissive, and can allow that submissive to treat them the same way.



This is what I was asking from the get go.... Tapestry.... great response...



And to answer others...there's a bit of confusion is what I stated about walking the walk....


IronBear answered it best... you can walk the walk... and no one could nor would be the wiser... when you master the walk.... no ones saying stop being who you are... hell I know I wouldn't.. and won't... but no one has it shoved in their faces when Master and I are out and about... We're just another couple out and about town... just like any other couple... red, yellow, black, white, gay, het, ....... other than the fact that we're M/s... no ones the wiser...


_____________________________

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(in reply to Tapestry)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 6:56:31 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs


[
quote:


Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?


Did it ever occur to you that its not showing off. That its simply who they are?

C~


Actually.... no.. this never accured to me.. because IMO... you do not have to show your selves as being a Dom or a submissive in public at all times. People all act differently in private as well as in public. All because SOME feel the whole world is beneath them, is no reason to walk that walk all the time. Those are the types of people that you see more so than not being treated like something someone stepped in.




i don't know...i know everyone is different, and every D/s or M/s relationship is unique. i am slave to my Master all the time. It is never put on hold while we are out or doing something in public. Then again, his personality is just that - generally dominant even in "vanilla" relationships and environments. Now, we have gone out to eat where we just chatted over a meal (one that he ordered for me because that is how he is, and it's a trait that turns me on). We have also gone to dinner where he lectured me loud enough so that the table next to us could hear - that was for my sake, not theirs. Nothing showing off about it, in fact it was quite "place putting" for me.

As for the post about crawling...there may very well be those who crawl to show off. And Lord knows i've seen enough giggling to make me never need dessert again, but....for some such behavior is quite genuine. There are times i can not sink down into the floor low enough, and not only crawl to him but then position myself under his feet. Showing off? No, i have nothing to show off. i just feel my submission so deeply sometimes that i can't seem to raise myself off the floor.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 11:24:47 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

In the opinion of this grey grizzled grizzly, whose love of languishing loquatious loving ladies is an undeniable undisputed flirtatious fact; there are those who can talk the talk and walk the walk with all the gargantuan grace of a jackbooted nazi storm trooper who doesn't give a flying fickle fig about the subtalties and deeper uderstanding but only wants to dominate or discard those who don't meet his questionable standards; and there are those who walk the walk, talk the talk and Live The Life, with a full understandig of it's virtues, hidden depths and meanindgs and has no intent of rubbing his lifestyle in people's faces, but by his exlempory behavious, courtious but strong manly manners, sence of hoour and duty and commitement fo friends, family and work can walz, tango and trip the light fantastic with his property and none of the uninlightened being any the wiser of their true relationship and yet maintain an iron fisted sheathed in velvet control on her actions, love and respect without a second thought.......

Ergo.. Those who have mastered themselves have no need for loud farting noises issuing from their mouths or be wearing jackboots for the stomping on the unenlightened and others in an uncontroled frenzy of self proclomation.



do not forget of the type that sits in the shadows and sends ripples of gossip of another and then is everyones friend in the light. I will take the jackboots person any day over this person... at least I know where and when the knife is coming from.



Ahhh yes KoM, I did forget about then when I posted. Thank you for reminding me . They are the old fashion 5th columnists, subversivists and cowards. I find it best to ignore them generally unless they are really being dammaging, at which time it is good to place them under a bright light and expose them. They, strangely enough, are the bane of my current existance, but always karma works itself out with a little prodding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence!
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all in the game and how you play it!


< Message edited by IronBear -- 2/13/2006 11:25:28 PM >

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 2/13/2006 11:31:37 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		My Dragon is a Gentleman Dom. He opens the doors for me... sits after me and even waits until I get my dinner before he starts to eat. He loves me... not just as his slave but as his love and wife. I would not trade him for anything. He also understands, though, when I need him to be harsh or strict. That is one of the wonderful things about him... that He knows both sides of the coin.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

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(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 5:58:08 AM   
thornypetals


Posts: 11
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline 		what an interesting subject... Remember when real slaves were thought as normal in ancient society, when kissing your Masters feet in respect in public was acceptable(I would do it if it passed muster, yeah baby) ... politeness..
A Dom that somehow abuses his position as a human being must have been that way growing up, pity the people that are stuck with him , weather its the Boss, the parent, the child etc...
abuse and neglect simply suck in all forms in public and behind closed doors
Is more the question .. what is acceptable for public when in a 24/7 relationship? (happily lighting Masters cigerrette )

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 6:24:00 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thornypetals
Remember when real slaves were thought as normal in ancient society, when kissing your Masters feet in respect in public was acceptable(I would do it if it passed muster, yeah baby)


Actually, I don't remember this. I don't think this has ever been normal during my lifetime. I can read about how it's been recorded as happening in 'ancient society' (however one defines that) but I don't/can't remember it since it's not within the scope of my experiences.

quote:


Is more the question .. what is acceptable for public when in a 24/7 relationship? (happily lighting Masters cigerrette )


What is acceptable in public when in a 24/7 relationship is the same as what is acceptable in public for any other member(s) of society. There aren't different levels of acceptable based on what kind of relationship one is in.

(in reply to thornypetals)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 2:42:57 PM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		It is gratifying to see so many gentleDoms out here. ~ smiling ~

A sub (like me) will be an even better sub when she feels as though she is precious.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 2:49:02 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Affection can be expressed in ways other than syrupy romanticism.

Viva la differerance!!!!       

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 3:10:06 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

This morning while watching Sunday Morning, they did a segment on Shiverary(sp?) being dead. And looking at some post made by some of the male Doms on here, on how they feel about their submissives... Playfulone is my example.

When one is a Dom and becomes a owner of a submissive/slave (for those that prefer being called one) Does being a gentleman go out the door? As for the female Doms, does one expect their submissive/slaves, to be more of a gentleman? And can it be carried to far sometimes?

Let me see if I can make this more understanding on where I'm going with this. I've taken notice.. in some communities... that the submissive will stand and open doors for their Doms. They sit after their Doms. (For the smokers) the submissives lights Doms smokes for them.

Call me old school... I can see the male submissives doing this. This being the gentleman in them.

But when it comes to the male Doms... is it wrong to be a gentleman still?

Going back to Playfulone... he stated in other thread... his being alone last night while his little one was off with her mother... he missed her dearly... I about melted when I read that.
I thought there's one that still has feelings... romance... love... and is human. And not ashamed to let it be known. MHoo answered back about her love and missing her boy. Showing that it ok for the Lady Doms to have feelings... romance.. love.. and are human too.

I guess where I'm going is wondering how many others out there feel.... just because they're in a M/s relationship.... does life always have to be Owner/submissive? Now I am refering to when it's just the two (or more of you... if in a poly relationship) When you go out together. Is it nessesary to always show ones self off as being a Dom and or submissive.... even with the little things that others may not notice.... but you do to show yourselfs to each other? Or if going out to a local party.... it's always about showing who is who... and leaving the gentleman and lady elsewhere?


I know.. when with Master.. I am and always will be his submissive. He knows this as well that he is my owner. But he when out and about likes to show that he's still a gentleman. He'll open a car door for me... make sure i'm in before shutting it... He'll open doors for me, pull my chair out for me. He's not such a out of the way "So called Gentleman" that he orders for me... telling all I'll eat what he wants me to eat.. or drink what he allows me to drink... . he lets me choose.

Now we'll both admit.. sometimes it's fun to go out and (not play)... but show off (so to speak) that I am his submissive and he's my Master. He will order for me... he will sit before I do.. etc... just depends. But he's first a gentleman... then my Master.. at home.. away from home... alone... or in public...

And I like knowing that when we're apart.... he does miss me.... as I miss him.

Ok I've rambled back and forth on this... so I look forward to others thoughts... opinions.. ideas... on both these subject... being a gentleman.... and having feelings.... being a lady... and having feelings....


(Claps) this is  agreat OP and I agree even as a sub when out with a MAN even if he is a Dom it is nice if he takes on manly things like opening a door or pulling out a chair... why cant there be both dinamics Dom and Gentalmen does it make you less off a Dom becuase you open the dooor for your girl just because she also happens to be your sub???

_____________________________

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a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 3:18:29 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

Affection can be expressed in ways other than syrupy romanticism.

Viva la differerance!!!!       


Ah, but a Gentleman Dom .... oh boy.. can't think of words besides "syrupy romance" <laughing>

A gentleman Dom is : God's gift to submissive women (and the boys who love gentlemen)
- a treasure one can never forget.
- an absolute for me, personally.

And no, it has nothing to do with romance novels, Hallmark cards, tossing outer wear over puddles for a lady to step over, or strumming a guitar at her window at midnight.

It has as much to do with the man's respect for himself - which just may include his property. 

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 3:47:13 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		I think the word you are seeking is "class", Fawne.

(in reply to Fawne)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 3:50:58 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		<<Call me old school... I can see the male submissives doing this. This being the gentleman in them. >>

THIS is my reason for being a Domme :)  I love a gentelman and  I also love teaching him what I want him to know and his graciously accepting it.  There is nothing more graceful and deserving a pride in ownership than a sincere male slave/submissive.

(gee.. I'm all goosebupply and giggly now!)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 5:26:52 PM   
Nosathro


Posts: 3319
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
Status: offline 		greetings
 
An interesting and thought provoking topic.  As a Master I can say one should always be a Gentleman...and Chivarly is not dead.  I don't go to Renaissance Faires nor should a Master not be Chivarlist. Both are trade marks of a Master.  A Master..has nothing to prove, he is comfortable with himself and being around others...regardless of them being slaves, D/s, or Vanilla.
 
"Before you can Master a slave, You must Master Yourself"
 A Gorean proverb
 
I wish you well
 
Nosathro

_____________________________

"The love of a slave girl is the deepest and most profound love that any woman can give a man. Love makes a woman a man's slave, and the wholeness of that love requires that she be, in truth, his slave." Magicians of Gor, page 31

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 5:44:01 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Being a gentlemen is just another phrase of indicating courtousy behavior. As a I drive, I let someone in the lane as they signal.


Sure wish there were more drivers like you around!

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 5:45:41 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I think the word you are seeking is "class", Fawne.


Yes, class. Class as a quality of character that can be held by any social, monetary hierarchy.

Class may be found in the ghetto. A bum may hail from high on the hill.

Not a term of snobbery.

PS wanted to edit: "God's gift"  is a little over the top, but .... what the heck!

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 7/30/2006 5:48:16 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Hey fleurssss.... nice to see a familiar face :-) *winks*

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: The Gentleman Dom W/Feelings - 8/1/2006 3:50:20 AM   
Pimpernell


Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		When you are nice to people, a lot of people will take that as a cue to abuse that and treat you like a doormat.  Sad, but true.  However, I don't take abuse from people.  I respond in kind.  To their shock and often anger.

At work I can't be as nice a guy as I am by nature as it could easily be misinterpreted.  One incident in my youth scarred me permanently on that score.

So guess who gets to experience all my niceness along with my firmness?

That's right, my slaves and subs and whatever else starts with s.

Lucky them.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 60
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