Can I find this sort of relationship?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

Can I find this sort of relationship?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> Can I find this sort of relationship?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/17/2009 10:50:03 AM

nd601

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

I've lurked on this site for a while, changing my profile a couple of times.. but this time, i'm *really* going to look seriously.

So far, I haven't quite found what I want, which is this. I'd a previous vanilla relationship that was very kinky in the bedroom. For all appearances, we were like any other normal couple, and experimented a lot "indoors". That was before, and we parted opposite ways... I wanted to explore this a lot more, and she didn't.

I'm looking for a similar kind of relationship. However, most folks on this site - the ones local to me at least - either want complete submission or dominance, not something we can keep to the bedroom. Now, I don't mind light d/s elements in r/l, but I'd want to keep my majority of play in the bedroom. And once in the bedroom, I want to get *really* kinky... Ideally switching, but I suppose it's ok if we stuck to one side.

I did meet someone who wanted the same thing, but she's a few thousand miles away on the other side of the planet. So anyway, is this sort of relationship common? or am I just better off trying to convert someone that's vanilla?

I'm kinda annoyed because I'm putting off some vanilla possibilities - because I really want to experiment with BDSM, and I don't seem to be getting anywhere...

Advice?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/17/2009 2:13:02 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

Hmm. If you don't find what you need here, there's always, um, how do i say this...fetlife.com. It's totally free also.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to nd601)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/18/2009 12:22:16 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

it's *hard* to find what you're looking for, no matter where it falls on the spectroum. there's pleanty of people who don't want the kink to leave the bedroom..

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/19/2009 7:09:59 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Here in the forums, a very high percentage of people are into D/s outside of the bedroom, but in the personals area, a lot of people indicate they are looking for more bedroom D/s and/or S/M and/or bondage. Focus on the people who are looking for the same things you desire.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/19/2009 7:13:37 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

How do you know the vanilla possibilities aren't interested in some kinky bedroom play, unless you've asked them? Since you aren't interested in a power relationship, just play, talk about that with people you date. Some may be horrified and tell you never to darken their doorstops again, others may be uninterested, and some may be curious. Keep looking. You found one person like this, there are more out there. But don't expect someone totally inexperienced to want hard play the first time. Start off slow, some light spanking, tying wrists to bedposts with a scarf, and ramp up.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Andalusite)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/19/2009 9:52:31 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nd601

I did meet someone who wanted the same thing, but she's a few thousand miles away on the other side of the planet.

... Nigeria?

(in reply to nd601)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/19/2009 2:26:31 PM

nd601

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

How do you know the vanilla possibilities aren't interested in some kinky bedroom play, unless you've asked them? Since you aren't interested in a power relationship, just play, talk about that with people you date. Some may be horrified and tell you never to darken their doorstops again, others may be uninterested, and some may be curious. Keep looking. You found one person like this, there are more out there. But don't expect someone totally inexperienced to want hard play the first time. Start off slow, some light spanking, tying wrists to bedposts with a scarf, and ramp up.

This is kinda the place I'm in right now...

That's how my last relationship was. It started slow and then sped up.. and then hit the brakes. This may sound lazy, but I really don't want to spend all that effort - going on a few dates, getting intimate, then slowly working up... It would be so much simpler if I knew my partner had at least some sort of interest in the darker arts, so to speak.

The confusing part is I might actually get into the lifestyle if I like it enough, but I really don't know at this point. I wanted to start slow, but it looks like you either jump into the deep end of the pool, or wade your way slowly from the shallow end. It doesn't seem like there's a way to jump into the 'intermediate' portion. :(

< Message edited by nd601 -- 6/19/2009 2:30:03 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/19/2009 2:30:59 PM

nd601

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

it's *hard* to find what you're looking for, no matter where it falls on the spectroum. there's pleanty of people who don't want the kink to leave the bedroom..

Thanks, that's encouraging.

Would I be able to find these people in munches and such? I've never made my way to one, and I'm wondering if those are for lifestylers mainly.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/19/2009 2:32:24 PM

nd601

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: nd601

I did meet someone who wanted the same thing, but she's a few thousand miles away on the other side of the planet.

... Nigeria?

LOL.

CM has quite a few of these too.

I just don't get how stupid they are. For internet scammers, they certainly don't seem to know much about what's going on - because every email I've gotten from one says how they're from 'West Africa'. You'd think they'll know about their own infamy by now.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/20/2009 12:07:45 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nd601

quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

it's *hard* to find what you're looking for, no matter where it falls on the spectroum. there's pleanty of people who don't want the kink to leave the bedroom..

Thanks, that's encouraging.

Would I be able to find these people in munches and such? I've never made my way to one, and I'm wondering if those are for lifestylers mainly.

your'e welcome.

yes, you could. so long as you can handle a dinner party, you can handle a munch..

(in reply to nd601)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/21/2009 6:15:11 AM

ratherswitch

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/19/2009
Status: offline

I have met most play partners on 'vanilla' dating sites (> 90%), though my intention was to find a LTR. In every case my interest towards the woman was genuine and sincere beyond just physical things. 'Vanilla' women often like the decadence, the new experiences, provided that it isn't labeled as bdsm or using terms such as Dom, sub, etc. There must be a law of physics that describes why people find the right mate when they're not looking too hard or not paying attention. There are a lot of vanilla people that are open to the idea of 'more advanced' play .. IF and when they are comfortable with the person -- most of the time the comfort factor doesn't happen due to lack of attraction, one person being too pushy, most often ... not enough availability time due to other things (work, kids, family, etc.)

The most interesting thing that's ever happened online: I put a profile on a vanilla dating site, putting a lot of thought into describing who I am physically, education, hobbies, music, etc. A couple of the hobbies I listed were OTK, spanking and 4-poster beds. In less than an hour I received 3 emails from local "interested" ladies - of course all 3 of them were playing games - but it was interesting as I've seen their profiles on the same site almost EVERY day for more than 5 years. LMAO!

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Can I find this sort of relationship? - 6/21/2009 9:33:07 PM

ApathyRomance

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I, too, have definitely met more kinkily inclined girls from non-kinky-oriented places than I have on collarme.

(in reply to ratherswitch)

Profile

Post #: 12