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Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 6:56:57 PM   
DaddyDomP


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		Can someone give me some idea's on punishing my sub. She does very little wrong but still seems to desire me to punish or be disappointed and to treat her poorly for it. My biggest issue with punishment is what she would feel punishing would also take away from me. Like not letting her have my cock, or not licking her. Any help would be appreciated.
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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 7:10:54 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Spanking and scolding are the old standbys.

I get a bad feeling about the whole thing.  You're stating that you don't want to punish her but she feels she needs it.  And you don't like any punishment activities...

Be aware that you may need a serious discussion soon. 


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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 7:52:59 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		If you punish her just because she wants to be punished, she is in control of you. That makes you the sub.

Mike

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 8:12:32 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Any help would be appreciated.


Do I take it you and she did not have an intake discussion before starting all this?

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 8:27:22 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Okay I could be a Dick and I could say "Stay the Course, eventually that will be punishment enough." but I am in less of a Dick Mood today than usual.

Honest Advice.

Stop.
Take a Seat.
Sit her Down.
Tell her you don't feel comfortable punishing her for doing nothing wrong.
Discuss alternative play such as Interogation play, and The Alphabet Game*
Come to terms with how you will both understand punishment in the future.
Communicate!!!!

Have Fun.

**The Alphabet Game. Pick a Random Letter of the Alphabet your play partner must guess this letter with every wrong letter your play partner gets a more and more agressive spanking or whipping or deeper fucking the choice is yours.

Steel

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 8:37:49 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		You could be clever and punish her every time she presumes she should be or is entitled to be punished for no reason when you don't want to.

That could work...or it could turn her into an intentionally bratty do-me psych/phys painslut.




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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 8:41:48 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		To keep count of how many times she got the letter wrong while playing the alphabet game add a closepin. If one shakes off, put on two in its place.

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/18/2009 8:42:27 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		I cannot see a positive solution to this
except sitting her down and having a very honest talk about what it is that she feels she needs and isnt getting, and what you are willing to give her
if you dont like the idea of beating her ass DONT
stand her ass in the corner, that may work?


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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 1:14:21 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm taking this to mean that she fells the need to be punished when she did wrong, and that the op doesn't like the idea of taking way something that she likes that he also likes...

So, you could:

  • let her orgasm for a while.. then you get to watch her squirm wanting one.
  • make do something she hates, naked.. while you watch
  • the thing she totaly hates doing but you love to do with her...


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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 3:33:28 AM   
DaddyDomP


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		To clarify, I don't mind punishing her. I have in the past but when I have, it usually means I don't get something I desire so it seems I lose out then which to me isn't fair to me. She loves spanking all to much. I think what she might be desiring to find ways to disappoint just to be punished.

SirMikeSD, I see what you are saying. I don't think it is quite like that but I can appreciate it is a fine line.

Thanks for the responses. Some good idea's.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)
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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 3:37:44 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP

Can someone give me some idea's on punishing my sub. She does very little wrong but still seems to desire me to punish or be disappointed and to treat her poorly for it. My biggest issue with punishment is what she would feel punishing would also take away from me. Like not letting her have my cock, or not licking her. Any help would be appreciated.

Punishment and reward are generally for the Dominant to decide, NOT the submissive. So you'll be needing rules and standards of behaviour for her to abide by. It's called structure and submissives tend to function best when structures and boundaries are in place and enforced.

That's *IF* you're really talking about "punishment", as opposed to her having a desire for erotic pain and restraint etc, where the more common vanilla term "corporal punishment" may be confusing the issue with her - or you - or both.

Either way, first basic step for you is to lead and take charge etc and get it into her head that YOU decide when you're pleased or pissed with her behaviour and efforts. And that's when YOU also decide what you're gonna do about it....

Focus.

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 3:50:50 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddyDomP

To clarify, I don't mind punishing her. I have in the past but when I have, it usually means I don't get something I desire so it seems I lose out then which to me isn't fair to me. She loves spanking all to much. I think what she might be desiring to find ways to disappoint just to be punished.


This is called manipulation. I find the best punishment for this is the complete withdrawal of my attention - beyond sitting her in a corner for a half hour or so. After she's "done her time", I tend to find something to do that doesn't require her participation for awhile longer....

I really don't like being manipulated; it's the tail trying to wag the dog - not the natural order of things! Good news is that once you make a firm stand, it doesn't tend to reoccur - subs reeeeeeally like attention.

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 4:11:30 AM   
WoodenPaddle


Posts: 154
Joined: 5/7/2008
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like "topping from the bottom" or the sub deciding! Not a good situation.
If she likes a spanking too much, there are many other punishments that can be used. Not to mention that a spanking does not have to be limited to her ass. For instance, especially during summer, you could spank her calves until they show stripes/bruises so she cannot wear shorts or short dresses in public (unless both of you like showing bruises around, but I wouldn't recommend it, it does draw a lot of attention)...not very nice during a hot summerday.
Also, a good punishment does not have to take away something from you: if you like using her, then do so but deny her her orgasm for a few days for instance.
Or make her stand (or kneel, or assume an uncomfortable postion) in a corner. I've found that having a girl kneel on a rough surface (or rice covered floor) without being allowed to speak or move works very well...especially if I'm continuing my own thing.
If she really likes a spanking so much (aka being a painslut), as a true sadist I would give her nothing more than a light spanking after tying her up...then place the paddles right in front of her face so she can't help but see them and tell her that she COULD have had a serious spanking, but won't be getting it now.
Ignoring works very well, but personally I only use that for very severe transgressions as it's about the worst thing I could do to a true devoted sub except releasing her. But then again, being on ignore is not for a few hours with me. If she goes so far, it will be for at least a full day and is enough to bring out the best behaviour for a good long time.

Short version: if YOU are the Dom, then it's YOUR choice how and when to punish her. Do not let her goad you into doing what she wants...*chuckles*...or you might want to discuss switching roles.

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 4:20:06 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with sitting down and talking.
What does she really need/want.

Perhaps even why... does she equate being spanked with being loved, is it that when she is punished she feels your dominance/her sumission more deeply or does she never feel quite good enough.

If you don't want to reinforce bad behavior you could arrange 'funishment' scenarios.

If you don't want to spank her, you could have her write lines.



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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 5:19:24 AM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good morning!
I agree with what others have said here, talk to her and  tell her how it makes you feel...punishing her for nothing. Sounds to me like both of you might have the wrong idea of punishment. LOTS of people here make it about sex or spankings. Punishment is something she will absolutely hate in order to modify a behavior. When we first got together, like in the first month, we each wrote a list of punishments for me, then picked and finalized it. These are thing I HATE doing, so spankings are not on the list, nor is anything sexual. Therefore, I do my best not to earn a punishment. We each have a copy so we are both on the same page. Some things include...
*Wearing jeans/pants for 1 week (I mostly wear skirts and dresses, not pants)
*No soda or chips for 2 weeks (Had this one once and almost DIED-ick)
*Cleaning his bathtub (I could do toilets from 9-5 but HATE bathtubs-go figure)
*No coming over for a week (MAJOR, we see each other about 3 times a week)

Hopefully that helps, seems like she may want more playtime and you guys are getting the playtime/punishment theme confused. I had a few Doms ask me "Have you been a bad girl? Do you need to be punished?"Implying they wanted to spank me and I would drop my mouth and say "NO, I've been good, I don't need a punishment." And they didn't get it. Daddy just tells me to ask for anything rather than playing the brat game or going around pouting...he hates playing 20 questions -makes his blood pressure rise. Good luck!
Very truly,
Zechriel


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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 5:27:45 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Just a weird thought, perhaps she is craving or needing more discipline in the relationship as an ongoing concept rather than punishment.  I get this idea from your stating she does very little wrong.  Maybe she simply isn't getting enough feed back or feeling of discipline many times is apparent in these types of dynamics and is a concept of security for some. 

Many times people sub and slave and dom seem to think discipline and punishment are the same thing but they aren't.  A sub can have daily type discipline regarding her being a submissive versus punishment.

Just a thought, maybe sit down and talk, maybe you are simply misunderstanding what she is needing.  Either way it sounds like evaluation/reevaluation time in your relationship.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 6/19/2009 5:28:42 AM >

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 5:57:50 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		OP:

Maybe she wants sensation play..she wants the sensations of the spankings etc..??
it feels erotic....exciting..is it a reward then??
as angelika said FUNISHMENT.....I love that word
 
DID you talk about it??
..I had a sub-play partner who desired spanking for closeness and sensation..
Because I knew it ahead of time..and it was 'negotiated" I creatively brought it into "play'
A driving force in his submission was the hand on the ass FEELING..
over and over... followed by after care of closness

Now.. owned girl and play mate are 2 dif things with 2 dif dynamics ..no wait
thousands of dif dynamics!!
..SO TALK TALK TALK

Only you know HOW to use the info for the highest good of the relationship..
I really doubt she wants you to be disappointed...?? I hope not..
but disappointment means perhaps a spank for correction.
 
IF this is not talked about soon you will end up with a BRAT..type..

Also if you decide to incorperate it more.. it has to be CLEAR YOU ARE BOSS...
as Woodenpaddle says YOU decide WHEN..and it may be when she least expects it
" Get over here so I can warm your ass" or " we need to toughen that little ass up ..get over here..pick this or this"..or"You need to know I am with you today so you will feel it on your ass'


GQ



 

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 5:59:36 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Instead of punishment for things done wrong, try a preemptive strike. Usually referred to as a maintenance spanking. Not for things done wrong, but to keep headspace in the right place.

Beyond that, give her more rules or more orders. Could be something as simple as homemade chocolate chip cookies for after dinner on Friday.

And is she under a lot of stress? Because then what she may be craving is a catharctic release of emotions. You don't have to link it to wrongdoing, you can just say that she is in need of a hard spanking and do it.

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RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 7:03:29 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		A lot of people want a playpunishment roleplaying scenario. I'm personally not a huge fan of them, but I can certainly understand the appeal! It doesn't sound like she genuinely wants to disappoint or upset you, or top from the bottom, but that she's requesting a tease-and-denial scene with some "naughty girl" roleplay. Perhaps you can use costuming, or call her a different name, or some such, to keep it clear to both of you that it's just a game? If you're not interested in that type of play at all, that's your perogative, and you should discuss that with her.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Punishing My Sub - 6/19/2009 7:09:53 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		But you two need to talk about your different drives, because it sounds like she wants more play than you do. She's unhappy with the status quo and seeking ways to get her needs met. Either find a way for both of you to be happy or agree you aren't compatible and let her find someone who does enjoy play.

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