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Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 4:55:59 PM   
njcouple2009


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline 		I am writing with hopes that someone might be able to help me out. Hopefully this is the correct place for this type of post. My wife and I have been married for about a year. I want to take a more submissive role and, if that works out, move towards a 24/7 lifestyle relationship. I am looking for someone who would be willing to answer some questions about such a lifestyle, preferably someone who lives it. This is very much a work-in-progress. :) Please send me a message or respond to this post (and I'll send you a message) if you are interested. I'll be happy to share more details, answer any questions, and provide my e-mail address. 
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 6:21:45 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		You might be better off posting at least a question or two here, NJC.  Also, the search function will help - there have been lots of questions from people who've wanted to turn their current partnership into one of a D/s nature.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to njcouple2009)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 7:14:49 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		NJC, you're asking people to contact you for something they may or may not know about.

Just post the questions here and people can skim them and answer if they want.  It's easier for them.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 9:26:21 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Picking one mentor may be very limiting.

If I were mentoring a couple (not that I claim such expertise) they would be taught my way, along with the lesson "build your own way."

Take what you please from where you please. There is no "wrong" relationship between consenting adults. Any decent guide will conclude (or start) with saying "This is your journey!" Start there.

I would suggest finding out just how intimate you two are. Talk about your taboos. If you can't admit you're into pegging, you've got work to do.

Communicate. Don't expect any your partner to mind-read even the most minute distinction. This is new territory for both of you.

Also, don't force. Only offer. You can't make someone dominant or submissive. You can only show them the door.

There are always critics. But fuck em. En gustos, no hay disgustos. Loose translation, "In tastes, there are no bad tastes." If you like it, that is sufficient.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to njcouple2009)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 9:38:16 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Don't forget that you can also mentor yourselves until someone else comes along.  There's no end of BDSM books on amazon.com.  Here's the link to the search that I did:  http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1245645197/ref=sr_nr_n_2?ie=UTF8&rs=1000&keywords=bdsm&bbn=1000&rnid=1000&rh=n%3A%211000%2Ci%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3Abdsm%2Cn%3A10

and you can always attend kinky classes and meetings at your nearest big city.  Your proximity to New York should open up a great many options.  As others have stated, post your questions here and you'll get answers, some of which might be helpful, some completely useless, and in my case, I'll probably just make a joke out of them, but, hey, what do you expect for free?

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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 9:53:02 PM   
TANTRADD


Posts: 22
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		check out venusontop.com and some links there..
 
T

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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/21/2009 10:30:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My suggestion is always to get out to your local community and see what is out there.  The mentoring gig online is usually pretty hard to pull off.  Why not go to munches, demos, and events together in your area to see what trips your trigger and ask for advice from there?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/22/2009 5:36:34 PM   
CuriousCouple588


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		I haven't posted much on here, but I came to the site for basically the same reason and it was very helpful. I posted something similiar about a year ago and met some interesting people. But I agree with an earlier post that said to post questions here. I think that would work better because you can get multiple opinions about things.

Best of luck!!!!!

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/22/2009 6:54:17 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: njcouple2009

I am writing with hopes that someone might be able to help me out. Hopefully this is the correct place for this type of post. My wife and I have been married for about a year. I want to take a more submissive role and, if that works out, move towards a 24/7 lifestyle relationship. I am looking for someone who would be willing to answer some questions about such a lifestyle, preferably someone who lives it. This is very much a work-in-progress. :) Please send me a message or respond to this post (and I'll send you a message) if you are interested. I'll be happy to share more details, answer any questions, and provide my e-mail address. 


Be aware...many of those who would contact you to offer advice...probably don't know shit.

(I, of course, know everything....go ahead...ask me anything....really....go ahead).

No really....go ahead.....anything at all......

(in reply to njcouple2009)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/22/2009 7:10:20 PM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		Also be aware of real life mentoring possiblities from your local groups and even more importantly be very careful and selective of them as well. About a year after I first came into the lifestyle I entered talks with what I thought at the time was a reputable house about mentoring me. Basically what happened was that they used me and another person as free labor. Everytime the yard needed mowing, leaves needed picked up, etc. etc. then they would call us. It really wasted about a year of my time and everytime I approached them about learning what they agreed to teach me, it was always: "We will sit down at some point and discuss it." So eventually I said sayonara! My point is, just be careful of who you get to mentor you and be wary of them but definitely do not discount the local groups over this.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/22/2009 9:00:48 PM   
njcouple2009


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/21/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks for the messages everyone.
 
The reason for the online questions instead of visiting a local group is a bit of hesitance about public discussion and play. While admittedly slower and more difficult, it is probably the best option right now. Besides, this seems like a community of sorts!
 
The first question is about being discreet. Has anyone led this lifestyle for an extended period without being "outed" in a sense?
 
The second question has to do with denial. Our sex life usually involves me giving her oral and then either me masturbating or her giving me a handjob. (Hopefully this isn't too descriptive!) Anyways, does anyone have some thoughts on moving slowly in the direction of denial? Sustainable changes are more important, so the change doesn't have to happen overnight.

(in reply to Saint)
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RE: Mentoring, anyone? - 6/23/2009 8:56:22 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Well Master and i have lived together 24/7 for 5 years now and not been outed. There are others here who have been together much longer. It's definitely possible! For part of that time Master and i were poly with My former hubby/sort of sub (I go both ways) ... and while that raised the odd eyebrow, it wasn't an issue.

As to the sexual question, well denial isn't really My strong suit, I love sex so I always want more not less! Though I have been known to keep boys in denial when not with them. However I favour mental bondage/self-discipline over chastity devices, so hopefully one of the other Mistresses who is more into this kink will contribute here.

Read more threads and you'll soon get a feel for what is and what isn't ok to post. I do agree that questions are a good way to go to get more responses from more people. Another good website for general bdsm info is albany power exchange.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to njcouple2009)
Profile   Post #: 12
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