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can a Master also vanilla - 8/21/2004 10:19:03 AM   
usedslut


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline 		can anyone tell me if Master can lead 2 seperate lives, with his sub and also his wife!!
I cant turn of my submission so can Master turn off his dominance?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/21/2004 10:31:37 AM   
Sundew02


Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline 		Being dominant is my personality. And no, I can't or possilby a better word is won't turn off my dominant personality. It's the degree to which I display it that varies. This question sweetpea, should be directed to your Master. We are all individuals, not cookie cutter personalities. Sundew

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~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/21/2004 3:37:13 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		Can they? sure. Should they? up to them and their morality. Will they? only if you let them.

Simple as that.

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/22/2004 2:10:07 PM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline 		colour me cynical, but based solely on your post, it sounds to me as if he is using you to scratch a particular itch he cant get scratched at home, and nothing else - which would make him, in my mind, a user/abuser and not a Dom

to borrow from Sinergy

Just Me, Could Be Wrong, But There You Go

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/22/2004 2:43:24 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

can anyone tell me if Master can lead 2 seperate lives, with his sub and also his wife!!


I tried to lead two lives as a sub, it wasn't easy as i progrssively got more wrapped up in the sub side. I eventually got caught, which worked out for the better for me. I imagine a dom could do it but it will catch up with him eventually.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/22/2004 7:02:03 PM   
ScorpioMaster


Posts: 146
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		As long the Master's wife is aware of it. There are those who are poly and one partner is not in the lifestyle while the second partner is. In the bdsm relations there should be open and honesty up front or when the shit hit the fan you could be dragged into a nasty divorce. I have seen it happen and have friends who have been. It was ugly so are you ready to go through the divorce and be outed in the process. Good luck and be prepare for thr worse.

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/22/2004 8:28:39 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		I have to agree with those who have said only with informed consent by all participants. I also agree with those who have said each is individual, the participants, the sub, the wife and the husband/Dom have to work it out between the 3 of them. If he is living a lie, everyone is going to get hurt eventually. If he is cheating on the woman he promised to love til death do them part, what does that say of his honor or trustworthiness? If it is a lousy marriage, they should do the best thing for both of them & end it. Funny how many men faced with that option come up with umpteen dozen reasons why not. The children? They are feeling the energy of the deceit, they feel the pulling apart of their parents relationship. Once the relationship is ended, the dust has settled and new lives are begun the children adapt to parents who still love them & who are happier.
Finances? It is only money & things, if they made a million once, they can do it again, things can be replaced.

I had brunch today with the wife of a poly relationship, the Dom lives so many days in their home and so many days with his sub. Husband and wife do special things together, Dom & sub do special things together, there are even times when all 3 are together at a social gathering. Both wife and sub are doing fine, they are both friends of mine as is the Dom. I may not understand their dynamic, but I can respect it because there is no deceit.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/23/2004 3:17:59 PM   
Interesdom


Posts: 197
Joined: 5/24/2004
From: England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: usedslut
can anyone tell me if Master can lead 2 seperate lives, with his sub and also his wife!!
I cant turn of my submission so can Master turn off his dominance?

I'd say your's can. Then again, I might question just how dominant he really is. Do you think he could cope with dominating you full time? That takes a great deal of effort and moral fibre.

Personally, I have always been dominant in my relationships, long before I got involved with BDSM. It's something I can suppress at times but being natural is my natural state.

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/24/2004 9:18:29 AM   
dixiedumpling


Posts: 456
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: southeast Mississippi
Status: offline 		I'd say there are many who are married and are reasonably happy except for their itch for a little kink in the bedroom. The spouse is unwilling to accomodate them. They don't want to get divorced. They have been in the marriage long enough to have raised children and built a life together. They love their spouses and don't see "kink" as an adequate reason to divorce. And even if they did, who is to say that that relationship would last? They've weighed the pros and cons and like life as it is. They have found it easy to find people in their same situation who also want to "play". I also think they aren't looking for 24/7. Just looking for someone to fill a few hours playing a role.

As far as turning it on and off? I think it's easier to live life as a sub in a vanilla setting than as a Dom. Nearly everyone appreciates what a sub has to offer. Not everyone appreciates being told what to do.

_____________________________

Toodles,
dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/24/2004 10:59:17 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

First of all, i agree completely with the previous comments made about this having to be completely open and honest between the Dominant and His wife.

i think that the true question is can you live with this arrangement? Are so comfortable with poly arrangements that you can fulfill this role without developing resentment and jealousy towards the Dominant and/or His wife? Are you apt to develop feelings of insecurity in regards to your own self worth as a result of this?

Take a good, long look at yourself and determine this....talk to close friends/family members that know you well and get their objective point of view. Talk with your Dominant about this and any concerns that your self introspection might bring up. If you're in any doubt - put things on hold and take time for your head to clear. IMHO, He should be willing to allow this if He has true feelings for you.

_____________________________

Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

(in reply to dixiedumpling)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/25/2004 11:23:14 AM   
TaurusMCMLVIII


Posts: 88
Joined: 1/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: usedslut

can anyone tell me if Master can lead 2 seperate lives, with his sub and also his wife!!


Can they? I'm sure it has been accomplished in the past. Should they? I am assuming that since you stated "seperate" that you are implying one does not know about the other or at least the wife does not know of the sub. If this is the case then that person is an asshole and deserves any ill-fortune that will likely (should) fall upon him. Now if his wife knows about it and there is an understanding/agreement regarding the relationship with the sub then it is very possible. In fact it can even enhance the non-BDSM aspects of his life. With that being said, it is not an easy thing to do. To begin with, I don't think a marriage could handle it unless it was already a very strong one built on a solid foundation of love, honesty and communications. If there are already a few cracks in the foundation (one which may be related to his BDSM activities) then proposing an outside BDSM relationship will only cause the eventual collaspe of the marriage.

quote:


I cant turn of my submission so can Master turn off his dominance?


Let's not argue about "semantics" on whether it is truly "turned off" or not but putting that aside then I would say a master could absolutely "turn off" his/her dominance. Further more not only could it be done but in many instances it should be done. This is the one thing that seperates man from beast... free will. A lion must hunt down and kill the zebra. It's nothing personal. It's what a lion does and it has no other options. Even if a person claims to be "born" dominant/submissive, we still have the free-will to either act upon it or at times put it aside and act in a proper or opposite manner. I am sure as a submissive you have said "no" at least once to the barrage of telemarketers, paper junk mail, electronic junk mail, or solicitor. And I am sure that as a dominant, your Master has said "yes" to his wife, kid(s), parents, and definitely boss even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 8/26/2004 9:52:51 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

am assuming that since you stated "seperate" that you are implying one does not know about the other or at least the wife does not know of the sub. If this is the case then that person is an asshole and deserves any ill-fortune that will likely (should) fall upon him.


Hi Taurus. My affair with my first r/l dom was one of the best things that ever happened to me. When hubby found out we finally talked honestly about our needs and desires, something we had never done in then 34 years of marriage. I know we should of talked much sooner but it just didn't happen and our sex life was getting more boring by the day. Now things are better than ever with all the new things we are discovering and trying, and hubby is becoming a very adept Master. I guess i was very luck he forgave me and things worked out for us.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to TaurusMCMLVIII)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: can a Master also vanilla - 9/6/2004 5:26:08 PM   
blueisis


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		wow, I thought that I was the only one going through that! My master is married as well. This is the first and last married man I play with. He is dominant with me( only let me be dominant with him once), but is totally submissive at home. I feel his dominance is due to the fact that he has no control at home. If we have sessions( once per month,mabye an hour or two) they are usually cut short, and I am sharing him with his other girlfriends! Stupid me huh!I've asked him your question,the answer was along the lines of I can only make so much time for you. I don't ask for much,and I do enjoy his company when we are together,but boy, I am one dumb 24 yr old huh?! oh yeah, I agree with the responses as well. Unfortunately in my situation,my dom's wife isn't supposed to know he cheats(but she does) and I am not supposed to know he has other women(but I do) sick me huh?!

< Message edited by blueisis -- 9/6/2004 5:42:32 PM >

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 9/6/2004 6:17:27 PM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blueisis

wow, I thought that I was the only one going through that! My master is married as well. This is the first and last married man I play with. He is dominant with me( only let me be dominant with him once), but is totally submissive at home. I feel his dominance is due to the fact that he has no control at home. If we have sessions( once per month,mabye an hour or two) they are usually cut short, and I am sharing him with his other girlfriends! Stupid me huh!I've asked him your question,the answer was along the lines of I can only make so much time for you. I don't ask for much,and I do enjoy his company when we are together,but boy, I am one dumb 24 yr old huh?! oh yeah, I agree with the responses as well. Unfortunately in my situation,my dom's wife isn't supposed to know he cheats(but she does) and I am not supposed to know he has other women(but I do) sick me huh?!


No, not sick Blueisis, but when you have had enough of it you will know it, and then it will be time to move on. If it makes you happy for now and gives you what you need for now then you will stay.

Only you can say whats right for you at this time in your life and it changes, for many years i did not want a commitiment and only dated married men. Now i choose not to be with one as i want something different. I want someone who i will be as important to as he is to me. Good luck! Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to blueisis)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 9/7/2004 2:25:10 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Sure they can, and there is a word for it - Cheating.

If you are allowed the question, and you probably aren't since it won't show your 'master' in a good light, ask him if he's lying when he's acting vanilla with his wife or with you when he is your master?

"My spouse is not into kinky sex", seems to have replaced "My spouse doesn't understand me" as the most common rationalization of cheating. Both doms and subs become enablers when they participate in these relationships.

I've been accused of being insensitive when I give such a strong opinion, but integrity and honestly are more important to me then any misplaced sensitivity.

Merc

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 9/7/2004 11:04:04 PM   
ShrewWhisperer


Posts: 63
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline 		figgerin' out if a dom is ultra-capable as a human being to be committed to more than one person at a time or if he's simply a guy trying to get laid as often as he can is something nobody can tell you but you.

my dog would say if you are asking the question you already know the answer.

then the question do you want to limit yourself to someone who only ever going to be able to give you half?

don't let fear of being alone color your choices, you won't be alone long if you are open and true to your own nature...such things are sexy. There's nothing wrong with a sub being choosy, if you're doing it right you are giving him all of yourself, he can at least pay the same respect.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 9/7/2004 11:30:36 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Please excuse My post here in Your area Masters....

quote:

RE: can a Master also vanilla

All Lifestylers can also be vanilla. Not all Lifestylers
are 24/7 nor are all Lifestylers open about how
they practice their Lifestyle.
quote:

can anyone tell me if Master can lead 2 seperate lives, with his sub and also his wife!!
I cant turn of my submission so can Master turn off his dominance?

This statement is full of assumptions I cannot answer with out knowing more. Is your Masters wife a vanilla or a Lifestyler? A Master can have both a Wife and sub and this does not make Him out to be living two seperate lives, Id say He is living one life and sharing it with more then one person going by your words.
you cannot base what you can or cannot do to judge what another person can or cannot do.
a Master does not nessisaraly need be a Dominant. There are Masters out there whom are Switches and your latter definition speaks to this thought to Me.
remember that your accepting of this Man as your Master and you knowing that He is married speaks to what you as well will do and what kind of honor and morality and integrity you posess. If I came in contact with sumone, anyone married lifestyler or vanilla I would ask if they are married and if so if their mate was aware of what they did or not or partisapated with them in their practice and if they stated they were married and their mate dident know of their actions I would move on and not get in volved with such a person for in doing so you are saying that you also accept such negitive actions as deciete and dishonor. JMO.

(in reply to ShrewWhisperer)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: can a Master also vanilla - 11/8/2004 2:31:22 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		One can enjoy the vanilla aspects as one wishes..
To turn off that what makes a person Who they are .. no you can for a short period of time even years but its still ALWAYS there..
(just ask my vanilla ex-wife)

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to usedslut)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: can a Master also vanilla - 11/9/2004 2:00:25 AM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		It could well be that your master is a switch, even if he does not willingly admit it. Or, he could be dominant in his relationship with his wife in all of the strange little ways that the vanilla people unwittingly exchange power. The so-called "vanilla twist" is pretty common. It frequently ends badly because the person living a double life is essentially living a lie. Is your master open with his wife about the fact that he is involved with you? Has she met you, and have the two of you come to an arrangement among yourselves? I have known "concubinage" to work relatively well as a sort of dominant/vanilla polygamous household, but if he's keeping you a secret, this will not end well.

You have my sympathies, as I presume you did not actively seek out this akward situation, but I would suggest that perhaps you should seek another master. This one may not be long for the world, depending on how his wife reacts to little surprises like this.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to usedslut)
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RE: can a Master also vanilla - 11/9/2004 5:54:31 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I cant turn of my submission so can Master turn off his dominance?

This question doesn't make sense to me. By saying you can't turn off your submission does that mean you submit to everyone? Similarly, he can't dominate his wife if she doesn't submit. As for turning off his dominance -- if he is at work and getting chewed out by his boss, he's going to be real submissive if he wants to keep his job. So call him a switch if you want.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to usedslut)
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