WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT)

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WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 5:38:52 PM

LovingMistress45

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Ok, I am in a pissy mood, but I don't think it is just my mood. I have a very detailed profile. There is plenty of things in there about me, my thoughts, what I am look for - so why do I get stupid responses to it???? I don't really expect an answer it is just I pissed off. Tonight wasn't the first night I have had a stupid response. This particular sub had responded a while back and then I didn't hear from him so I deleted the emails. Yesterday I get an email saying he had been on vacation and that was why he hadn't responded. So, I didn't remember what he had said that interested me enough to respond back, but I invited him to chat as in general I find that easier and quicker than emailing. I asked him what had interested about my profile - of all things he could pick - his responses was he wanted to submit to a "bbw". First I don't use that acronym, but that is not the problem. Of all the things in my profile that is the "one" - so basically what I hear is all I want is to be with a "fat" woman.

Hey, I am fat and I am well aware that there are men that find that attractive, there are men that are turned off by it and men that don't really care. My description is very clear in my profile, but to me even if it is an attraction for that to be the only thing you can tell me interests you is just a turn off for me. I get a lot of responses to me that are just what I view as "I will submit to anyone to kink on" and it just pisses me off.

Ok end of rant.

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 5:56:41 PM

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~Fast Reply~
I know. That's really rude and a turn-off when someone is just attracted to fat and not to the person, or if someone acts like we big girls should settle for less. That is just so much equine excretement. I am so glad Sir loves me for who I am. There are people on both sides of the kneel who like us for who we are, it's just harder to find them it seems.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 6:01:49 PM

LovingMistress45

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It is not about size, it about the any "____" domme will do. Fill the blank in with whatever be it skin color, size or anyother characteristic.

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 6:13:19 PM

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EVERYONE wants to increase their lot in life. Shoot for the stars and hit the moon.

Do you have big tits mistress?

LOL.

Ron(ne) an honorary dominatrix

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 6/25/2009 6:20:51 PM >

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 8:27:03 PM

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I DO have big tits, Ronne!

We all feel your pain, LovingMistress. I despise being objectified, and time after time, some internet moron will offer to serve me without knowing a thing about me. Think of it as natural selection...or deselection!

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 8:43:31 PM

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I got big breasts also, Ronne...hehehe! So big that I can't see my feet due to them.

Now, give me a few minutes to think...I am getting tired and should be getting ready for bed.

Of course, a Dom thinking that my arse is big just because I am a BBW is not right. I want my spankings to be sincere, not a "slap, tickle no thanks, girl". When I will find my sub, we have to connect mentally, just like my last relationship. Same with any Dom looking at me for possibilities.

Your friendly neighborhood switch...I mean bitch...I mean witch...Can't I be all 3?!?!?!

< Message edited by ShaharThorne -- 6/25/2009 8:49:14 PM >

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 8:48:52 PM

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quote:

We all feel your pain, LovingMistress.

Actually, I'm kinda thinking the poor guy had a lucky escape.

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

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INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 11:05:17 PM

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~Fast Reply~
I also have big ones, but it's nice to be loved for my whole person & I am. I just don't know how someone can submit to somebody without knowing more about them than body size. I couldn't. Anyone in their right mind has to really trust someone before they'll submit, and body size has nothing whatsoever to do with trust, at least not in my mind.

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to dcnovice)

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 11:11:42 PM

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I must admit, I stopped being surprised by that sex when they show their evolutionary patterns. As hunters, they were sight-hunters rather than smell-hunters or sound-hunters. I attribute their visual fixations to their upbringing.

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/25/2009 11:49:26 PM

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Maybe you were already upset with the guy because he had previously flaked?
Because I don't see getting so irritated over anything, but especially being liked for something I am... Naturally, I'm more than a BBW, but hell yes, I would prefer a man who prefers me.
I don't mind anyone liking me for any visual reason, as long as the person had more depth than that, and could converse about more than that. M

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 12:03:13 AM

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I'm happy when a guy already has processed that he likes a lady of my proportions. It makes things simpler.

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 12:15:47 AM

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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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FR, after read thru

I hear what you ladies are saying about wanting to be with someone who genuinely desires the extra poundage, but on the other hand, for me, if that's all someone can come up with as to why they're interested in me, that's a red flag for me . . .. . . I've had extensive experience with people who play at being a chubby chaser but they're really desperation chasers, thinking that chub = desperate . . . . . I can be remarkably (or not so) naive, & this one has taken me some time to be able to spot . . . .. (lol . . . . Some of it is that I have to watch the desperation level within myself . . . . . )

The thing about dishonesty is that it's not necessarily immediately obvious, at least it's that way for me . . . . . . I hear that there are those with much better bullshit detectors than I have . . . .. . Thus, I consider all of this as learning & growth opportunities, & y'all have definitely been teaching me a lot . .. . Especially to trust my gut instincts & not talk myself into something that 'feels' wrong for me . . . . . .

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 1:57:48 AM

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Your post resonates to be sure; but the fact is, everyone wants you for some reason, and you may as well make peace with that.   Of course we all want someone who is able to connect with us on different levels.    All I am saying, is that a man being sexually atttracted to one, should in no way be held against him, unless one specifically states one is asexual, and therefore not interested at all in that approach.

I don't mind it in the least that a man finds me hot.    I do mind if that is all he is able to discuss, but only because I don't really do casual sex.    If I did, all I would care about is whether I too find him hot for the moment.
It's true that a whole lot of so called submissives haven't a clue about how to approach a lady, but answering honestly to what first attracted him to you, especially in a non-crude manner, should not be the thing that sets you off, and makes you say "what an ass*ole."

As to bigger equaling desperate, I can't say, because I've never been small, have been treated well in relationships, and am happy to say that I've never felt disrespected because of my weight.    Besides, if someone approaches because he feels your weight should be in inverse proportion to your self respect, you will certainly have the opportunity to correct that impression, nest-ce pas?!

M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 6/26/2009 2:01:48 AM >

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The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

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(in reply to DemonKia)

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 4:33:49 AM

LovingMistress45

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Joined: 2/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

FR, after read thru

I hear what you ladies are saying about wanting to be with someone who genuinely desires the extra poundage, but on the other hand, for me, if that's all someone can come up with as to why they're interested in me, that's a red flag for me . . .. . . I've had extensive experience with people who play at being a chubby chaser but they're really desperation chasers, thinking that chub = desperate . . . . . I can be remarkably (or not so) naive, & this one has taken me some time to be able to spot . . . .. (lol . . . . Some of it is that I have to watch the desperation level within myself . . . . . )

The thing about dishonesty is that it's not necessarily immediately obvious, at least it's that way for me . . . . . . I hear that there are those with much better bullshit detectors than I have . . . .. . Thus, I consider all of this as learning & growth opportunities, & y'all have definitely been teaching me a lot . .. . Especially to trust my gut instincts & not talk myself into something that 'feels' wrong for me . . . . . .

Hi Kia this is closer to my issue. I don't have a problem with a man being attracted physically to me for whatever reason he may be. But when he says he wants to pursure a relationship with me and the only reason for his interests is my weight it is not a positive to me. Now if he had said some other things and added he really is attracted to bbws fine. The fact that someone responds to my profile I take it as a given that either they are specifically attracted to heavier women or body size is a particularly important factor for them.

Everyone has physical preference of some kind. To some they are more important. I have my preferences, but I have never responded to a profile only because his physical desciption was something I found hot. And if asked about what appealed to me in his profile I would not say I really want a _____ sub to serve me. Because while there is a particular physical type that will make my head turn, that is not the criteria for being with me.

FullfigRIMAAM1 - you are right that was not what caused my rant. My rant while mentioning him because he was the most recent, was just one of many stupid responses I have had. Not all about the same thing. It is just the general feeling that I get from a lot that they want to be topped and don't really care by who. Any warm body will do. And well I guess last night was just the most recent.

(in reply to DemonKia)

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 6:29:44 AM

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So glad I'm not a sandwhich

boi

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 7:44:45 AM

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I hear ya! Being a BBW myself, I used to get it a lot – still do even though I am not looking. When I was looking, I had no problem at all with a part of a guys attracted to me being because of my body, indeed that was desirable, I didn't even mind the guys who fetishized it. Just as long as it was part of their interest in me, as a whole person. More often than not, their interest in me was purely because I was a BBW and they wanted to objectify me and get their rocks off. But it was no different to the guys who wanted to chat with me purely because I'm a redhead, or because I have an ample bosom, or because of my feet etc etc. These guys are everywhere, but thankfully they normally weed themselves out fairly quickly.

The first thing that comes to mind though, is that with weight being such an incredibly contentious issue for many, it was just his way of letting you know that he is attracted to a fully frame? Some women get surprisingly weird about body image, and with you giving him an opening into it he thought it was an opportune moment. It's easier to fit it in at a perceived 'right moment', than just blurt out that he is aware of your size and appreciates it. Was he giving off any other wanker vibes? Or did he ask varied, non-wankery questions?

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 7:53:09 AM

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color me confuzzled on this one. while i understand no one wants to be liked for their body alone, i read the exact opposite on this board ALL the time with people ranting why people treat women of size differently and can't see the person within. wtf. which is it??

we all have different things that attract us to a person. in an ideal world a whole lot would take place but that isn't reality and there will be people that find the first thing that catches their eye is a person's appearance. plus women really need to understand that men are wired differently and generally aren't looking at the emotional stuff first until they've glimpsed the physical and find it appealing. as usual there are exceptions to every rule, but heck you're on the internet. it isn't like he's staring you in the face. if it irks you click delete and move on.

porcelaine

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 10:35:35 AM

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From: Orange County, NY
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I get so many in my mail who mail me because either my breasts turn them on (42H is a big size) or my weight. I get more attention in those ways from the slave/sub on here than in Real Life.

And that's only because people say one thing and once they see the real you offline, change their story. That is why I am meticulous with who I choose.

(in reply to porcelaine)

RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 11:05:05 AM

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Ditto porcelaine.

Liking someone's body isn't enough to build a relationship on. On the other hand, it's hardly an insult or "stupid", either--physical attraction is just one of many things that you simply can't do without, in a relationship. Like it or not, people need to be attracted to one another and that includes a physical element. If someone likes what you've got--great. One form of incompatibility out of the way.

If your body is the first thing someone mentions as a positive, it might be a sign that they're a little shallow. But it's not something I'd freak out about.

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RE: WTF is Wrong with subs? (A RANT) - 6/26/2009 1:01:41 PM

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Loving Mistress 45... I read your profile. Ladies, If I'm out of line speaking at all, on your board, I'll take what's coming here and learn.

LM's profile is so clear, specific, detailed... great. I'm aware of the issues... I just want you to know you're doing fine on Your end. I can't think of a thing you haven't revealed. I don't speak for male kind here... just sorry you had to catch the negative energy.

Take care.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

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