Accused of Switching during conversations (Full Version)

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wysiwygitsme -> Accused of Switching during conversations (6/29/2009 5:41:38 AM)

Has anyone been wrongly accused of switching (sub to dom) during vanilla conversations, merely answering questions, making comments? 
The reasons given are because the answers are aggressive, assertive, very too the point, very firm opinions, etc.   
I’m not talking about with someone you just met, but with someone you’ve know for a long time.I know how to deal with this, just wondering how may others have been wrongly accused.



DarkSteven -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (6/29/2009 6:58:59 AM)

I can't wrap my head around any of this.

1. If you know how to deal with this, then do so.  Why would you care if others have had the same done to them?

2. If your Dom feels that you are not acting properly, fix it.  If anyone else has an opinion, ignore it.

3. You seem to agree that your conversation was "aggressive, assertive."  It seems like you felt that that was okay and your accuser did not - is that the case?

4. Does your Dom care about this?  Is he aware of it?






lovingpet -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (6/29/2009 10:45:47 AM)

I don't know.  My partner finds it cute when I flash my switchie side at him.  It just gives him a little something extra to dig at me with, which is fine by me.  I think he really loves that I can be very tough minded, stubborn, and even aggressive at times.  It makes it far more fun to take me down a peg or two later!  ;)

If it is not something this person can tolerate, then I have to wonder why the interactions continue.  Further, I don't think having a strong opinion or being slow to accept new behaviors or attitudes to be switchie.  These are not contraindicated in a submissive or even a slave.  To me, having a good strong mind and character make the journey worthwhile.  If you are easily swayed on every little thing, where's the submission?  I think this needs a lot of discussion and understanding on both parties' parts.

lovingpet



PASlut -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (6/30/2009 2:06:00 AM)

Never mind



wysiwygitsme -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (6/30/2009 2:14:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I can't wrap my head around any of this.

1. If you know how to deal with this, then do so.  Why would you care if others have had the same done to them?

2. If your Dom feels that you are not acting properly, fix it.  If anyone else has an opinion, ignore it.

3. You seem to agree that your conversation was "aggressive, assertive."  It seems like you felt that that was okay and your accuser did not - is that the case?

4. Does your Dom care about this?  Is he aware of it?





I asked a simple question.  Curious, opening things up for conversation.

1) If you have a problem wrapping your head around this that's fine, others may not.
2) What do you care if I care if others had this happen to them?
3) Your questions are irrelevant to the OP. 

Just remembered why I don't post here ... ppl are so uptight and condescending.



onlyfreelycaged -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (6/30/2009 7:43:29 AM)

I don't get accused of this in conversation, unless it's by wankers on here, or I'm in a relationship..

and If I get accused of it in a relationship, it's *always* been a tactic to justify pushing past my limits.



porcelaine -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/3/2009 8:05:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wysiwygitsme

Has anyone been wrongly accused of switching (sub to dom) during vanilla conversations, merely answering questions, making comments? 
The reasons given are because the answers are aggressive, assertive, very too the point, very firm opinions, etc.   
I’m not talking about with someone you just met, but with someone you’ve know for a long time.I know how to deal with this, just wondering how may others have been wrongly accused.



no but i do find sometimes that can be difficult for some people to handle when a submissive is assertive, opinionated, unafraid of confrontation, and basically self assured. they label the behavior topping from the bottom or will often blame it on the dominant characteristics if the offending person is a switch. self expression is very important and i don't feel it should be hampered.

one of the most important aspects of listening and maintaining and open mind is the willingness to hear things that may contradict your opinions or desires. accusations are never fun, but people are free to say what comes to mind, it is when you allow their words to impact you negatively that a problem forms. you know yourself better than anyone else. remember that.

porcelaine



DavanKael -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/3/2009 9:02:33 PM)

Someone who would level such an accusation of me would be attempting to pigeon-hole me, imo.  Not keen on that idea, so they'd likely not be someone with whom I'd opt to converse with much further. 
  Davan



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/4/2009 10:19:06 AM)

Is your D saying you're getting too big for your britches or something?  I know switches, but they always kind of know what mindset they're in, so is your D just using that as a manipulation tool for punishment's sake?  If Sir wants to do something to me He does so, without an "excuse."



DesFIP -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/4/2009 10:49:46 AM)

Sounds passive aggressive to me. As though he wants you to submit to everything except for service topping him in bed. Wouldn't work for me.



aranisiA -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/28/2009 5:42:49 AM)

I am pretty much the same when it comes to discussing no matter which 'mode' I am in - if I discuss something really important to me, especially if it's something I feel I know a lot about, I -will- be argumentative, assertive, to the point and firm in my belief. Then again, I've been told a couple of times that I come off much less submissive on forums or in a heated discussion than I do in a more 'normal' setting...so eh, I don't know. But I don't think I'd be able to change even if I wanted to. 



Sunnyfey -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/28/2009 10:55:22 AM)

lol it's something I get accused of a lot. They way I see it is, if they dont like it, then they arnt my friend. All my friends understand and dont mind the fact I answer a direct question, with a direct and definative answer *shrugs*.



Aine -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/28/2009 5:23:57 PM)

I'm not sure I've ever been really accused of it by anyone besides someone I'm in a relationship with.  And that happened once.  I let my emotions get the better of me, and I was reminded of my place and it's not happened since.  I personally don't consider what happened necessarily "switching sub to dom" in a conversation, I just got rather snippy and short and forgot my Sir/Ma'am.

If someone else were to accuse me of something of the like.....I'd laugh.  How I talk in conversations with anyone generally has absolutely nothing to do with the orientations of those people involved.  Even with those I'm in a relationship, except on the rare occasions that there is a particular "dynamic mood" set for that time and I've let something outside take my attention and mood away from it, interrupt it and derail it into something nasty.



Lostkitten3 -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (7/30/2009 3:24:49 PM)

I am often flippant or bratty. He has never had an issue with it. If he does, he whollops my butt. Then, it's done and we move on..but that is really more in fun. Nothing serious. My opinions are valued.



Acer49 -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (8/8/2009 5:14:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wysiwygitsme

Has anyone been wrongly accused of switching (sub to dom) during vanilla conversations, merely answering questions, making comments? 
The reasons given are because the answers are aggressive, assertive, very too the point, very firm opinions, etc.   
I’m not talking about with someone you just met, but with someone you’ve know for a long time.I know how to deal with this, just wondering how may others have been wrongly accused.



I am sorry, I did not notice doormat stamped on you backside anywhere? Just because this individual thought you were being agressive, this is supposed to mean that you at switching? I am sorry. where did they say they received ther medical degree? And if you did so what business it of theirs to attempt to pass judgement.I will venture an educated guess that the OP's statements were correct and the person the OP was having dicussion with was very afraid to lose face infront of his peers so he/she did an end around so as not to been as the uneducated individual he/she apparently is



Acer49 -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (8/8/2009 6:58:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I can't wrap my head around any of this.

Unless you were the individual that made the comments you don't have to "get you head around it"

1. If you know how to deal with this, then do so. Why would you care if others have had the same done to them?

Last I checked, that was one of the purpose of the forums, to discuss similar situations

2. If your Dom feels that you are not acting properly, fix it. If anyone else has an opinion, ignore it.

If she felt her behavior was unacceptible, she would not be making this post. Whay should she ignore it ? Why should she be required give him any sense of of superiority when it is blantantly clear he was totally in the wrong

3. You seem to agree that your conversation was "aggressive, assertive." It seems like you felt that that was okay and your accuser did not - is that the case?

The fact that she was "aggressive, assertive" is not in dispute the point IS whether or not the "aggressive, assertive" behavior was caused by her" supposed switching and since the accuser has no medical training in this area he or she is ill equipped to make any judgment and should remain silent

4. Does your Dom care about this? Is he aware of it?

And tell him what? That she should be punished because she won the discussion? Or that the OP should have lied and intentionally lost the discussion so the caucused could save face in front of all his peers? No where is the OP statement did it say she was disrespectful. And since the OP is under no obligation what so ever to be submissive to anyone other than her Master Bothering him would be ill advised. I an truly sorry, but it appears that the accuser has a very fragile ego and lacks the common decency to accept defeat graciously.






Missokyst -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (8/8/2009 10:20:36 AM)

I am not a switch but I don't see how conversation could be considered switching.  Opinions are just that, talk is just talk, it doesn't matter if you are on top or on the bottom, IF the person you are talking to is not an ass. 
Frankly if someone found me agressive or assertive in a conversation I would be ok with that.  Normally the only ones that mind are those that are unsure of their roles and get uncomfy because I am not the docile creature they have learned to expect.
Weak.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Accused of Switching during conversations (8/9/2009 7:22:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wysiwygitsme

Has anyone been wrongly accused of switching (sub to dom) during vanilla conversations, merely answering questions, making comments?


I have had that when people feel intimidated by me, nothing to do with me really more their own insecurity to be honest



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