would like some feedback please (Full Version)

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poeticfreak -> would like some feedback please (6/30/2009 12:40:44 PM)

i've just posted my first journal entry and thought i'd copy it here in order to find out if i'm alone in my thinking or if others share a similar philosophy. i welcome any and all comments and thoughts on this matter, and am happy to answer any questions you may have about my way of thinking.  so here it is

well i've decided to do a bit of clarifying to save us all a bit of time and let  you know more about me.  yes i'm a submissive, no i'm not a masochist. i always try to be polite and respectful but i don't believe anyone is better than me simply because they happen to be a dom/me, the only one who is superior to me is the one i serve(not currently serving anyone). i'm looking for a relationship with real intimacy, i'm not really interested in being just a toy or a way to kill some time.  i don't believe two people can just fall into the role of domme and sub just because they bear those respective titles, there should be a getting to know you period to see if there is a meeting of the minds and of the hearts. i'm sure some of you feel that i'm not a real sub since i'm not willing to bow down and take orders from anyone who cares to give them, but i just don't see attraction in being with the first person to decide i might be useful or entertaining to have around    




Born2BMasochist -> RE: would like some feedback please (6/30/2009 12:48:07 PM)

I think it sounds open and honest. I believe that is the only way to get what you are looking for on this site anyways. There are too many that will read that and complain, but all that means is you two are not compatible, then you have the ones that dont even read it at all and state somehow you two are meant to be together. Take the search very slowly and be very cautious, and you do not have to submit to anyone unless you are sure this is what you want. IMO it does not make you a bad submissive.




DesFIP -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/1/2009 6:23:37 AM)

It's rather negative. Instead of "I don't feel the attraction of ..." why not rewrite it in a more positive outlook. Express it as "there must be an attraction between us, for me to feel your pull" or some such thing.

You don't need to say "I don't want to be just a toy" when you've already said you want a full relationship. Make it all positive.

But to have a full relationship, you need to add stuff about yourself that isn't BDSM related. There must be more to you than wanting a gentle Mistress. Do you like hiking, watching old movies? Are you a person who enjoys tossing quotes from favorite books back and forth? That kind of stuff. What isa important to you? What are you passionate about? Write about that. Because most of life is vanilla, you had best be compatible in those ways.




pompeii -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/1/2009 6:43:05 AM)

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.




peppermint -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/1/2009 6:47:50 AM)

Just a word of warning here.  Those that should read your paragraph will never see it.  They are busy sending out their copy and pasted one liners to the greatest number of submissives possible.  You can't expect them to take precious time to read a profile or a journal entry.  So do not expect the amout of stupid mail you get to be reduced by your journal entry.  




CarrieO -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/1/2009 6:49:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.


I was thinking the same thing. 




Prinsexx -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/1/2009 6:58:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

i've just posted my first journal entry and thought i'd copy it here in order to find out if i'm alone in my thinking or if others share a similar philosophy. i welcome any and all comments and thoughts on this matter, and am happy to answer any questions you may have about my way of thinking.  so here it is

well i've decided to do a bit of clarifying to save us all a bit of time and let  you know more about me.  yes i'm a submissive, no i'm not a masochist. i always try to be polite and respectful but i don't believe anyone is better than me simply because they happen to be a dom/me, the only one who is superior to me is the one i serve(not currently serving anyone). i'm looking for a relationship with real intimacy, i'm not really interested in being just a toy or a way to kill some time.  i don't believe two people can just fall into the role of domme and sub just because they bear those respective titles, there should be a getting to know you period to see if there is a meeting of the minds and of the hearts. i'm sure some of you feel that i'm not a real sub since i'm not willing to bow down and take orders from anyone who cares to give them, but i just don't see attraction in being with the first person to decide i might be useful or entertaining to have around    

i love posting in my journal here and i like it when it is read and responded to.




poeticfreak -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/1/2009 4:02:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.


I was thinking the same thing. 

after thinking about it i can see how it might look that way, but honestley that's not what i was trying to do. I was just trying to see if there were any like minds out there or if i was a minority, and maybe get a bit of advice.  Feels like i've gotten some good pointers and i've tried to follow them,  so thanks to everyone who responded




sweetsub1957 -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 12:23:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

It sounds like you're posting an ad in the discussion forums.


It does.  That's just my two cents.




variation30 -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 12:52:29 PM)

" i'm sure some of you feel that i'm not a real sub since i'm not willing to bow down and take orders from anyone who cares to give them"

I'll give you feedback from my profile:

Too often do I hear men claim that a woman is not a 'real' slave or submissive because she will not cater to his every whim, even when they are absurdly dangerous and reckless. I would hope that you would be more than willing to suffer any indignities for me. If you are not, then I would not consider it a failing of you as a woman. If anything, it would lead me to attempt to better myself further so that I could inspire that level of obedience in you without having to resort to petty emotional or physical abuse (or at least abuse that is not asked for).

you'll find that most of the men who claim that women who don't immediately submit to them aren't real subs stay off of the forums and just surf profiles.




ranja -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 1:19:06 PM)

'but i just don't see attraction in being with the first person to decide i might be useful or entertaining to have around'

but you would see the attraction in being with the second or the third?
i think it all sounds a bit boring to be honest, but good luck...




IronBear -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 1:55:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Born2BMasochist

I think it sounds open and honest. I believe that is the only way to get what you are looking for on this site anyways. There are too many that will read that and complain, but all that means is you two are not compatible, then you have the ones that dont even read it at all and state somehow you two are meant to be together. Take the search very slowly and be very cautious, and you do not have to submit to anyone unless you are sure this is what you want. IMO it does not make you a bad submissive.


I concur. It is the sort of thing I'd like to see in the main body of a profile though.




LovingMistress45 -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 3:06:47 PM)

I think it sounds fine.  I agree with IB that it would be better in the main body of your profile.  The only other comment is why don't you use proper capitalizaiton? 




poeticfreak -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 3:29:14 PM)

lack of capitalization and poor punctuation, they're just bad habits i have




IronBear -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/2/2009 10:58:55 PM)

Word processor old chap will help fix the lack of capitalization and poor punctuation. Develop a good habit of using a word processor or even the one attached to these forums to help until your memory picks up the clues and you start to use correct capitalization poor punctuation.




eyesopened -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/3/2009 4:07:57 AM)

You start out saying you want to clarify a few things and let the reader know more about you but then you don't provide a real insight into who you are, your personality, or anything that would attract anyone.  It sounds more like a shield designed to repel those with whom you are not compatible.

Regardless of what you put in your profile or journal, you will be contacted by people with whom you are not compatible.  Accept that, and move forward.

And also keep in mind that 99% of the submissive profiles state they are looking for a relationship (read: fall madly in love) and that they do not want to be a plaything.  This will not set you apart from the hundreds of submissives seeking.  A lot of Dominants are really sick and tired of hearing it.  I know I would be.  Again, the ones who send the "a real sub will meet me tonight at my motel and suck my dick" messages won't give a rat's behind what you write. 

As others have pointed out, why not think and write in a positive tone instead of a negative one?




PsyVamp -> RE: would like some feedback please (7/3/2009 5:56:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

lack of capitalization and poor punctuation, they're just bad habits i have


A quick word of caution,  most of the Dommes on this forum will tell you that proper grammar and punctuation are important in written communication.
If you can't be bothered using proper capitalization and punctuation, how is a dominant to believe you have the time or the drive to give anything to the dynamic?

Good luck
Lady Jag




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