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SweetEscravo -> He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 5:19:45 PM)

I am in a 24/7 dom/sub relationship where I have always been the submissive one. However, last night, my dom asked me dominate him sometime. He isn't into recieving pain (although he loves doling it out lol), so I know he doesn't want anything like that. From what he told me, I think it's more that he wants me to use light bondage on him and force sex on him. At first I was shocked and didn't think I would ever be able to do this, but the more I thought about it, the more I want to try. Does anyone have an idea of how I should dress, act, or do for this? I think he wants more of the forced sex and control rather than service or pain. Any ideas or suggestions are appriciated.




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 5:55:44 PM)

quote:

Does anyone have an idea of how I should dress, act, or do for this? I think he wants more of the forced sex and control rather than service or pain. Any ideas or suggestions are appriciated.


<EG> So blindfold him, tie him up, inform him he is your slut for the evening and have your way with him!




DianeB -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 6:06:49 PM)

It's time to buy a strapon!!!!!!




KatyLied -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 6:30:42 PM)

quote:

It's time to buy a strapon!!!!!!


LOL
Yep.....you wanna be "topped"? I'll show you how to top.....




thetammyjo -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 7:31:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

I am in a 24/7 dom/sub relationship where I have always been the submissive one. However, last night, my dom asked me dominate him sometime. He isn't into recieving pain (although he loves doling it out lol), so I know he doesn't want anything like that. From what he told me, I think it's more that he wants me to use light bondage on him and force sex on him. At first I was shocked and didn't think I would ever be able to do this, but the more I thought about it, the more I want to try. Does anyone have an idea of how I should dress, act, or do for this? I think he wants more of the forced sex and control rather than service or pain. Any ideas or suggestions are appriciated.


Sounds like you two need to talk to each other first. See if he has a model in his mind and since you are in a 24/7 relationship where you are the sub try looking at this as another way to serve him and try and base what you do on a model in his head (if he has one).

I think given your 24/7 situation you will also need a few hours out of that dynamic to get prepared mentally. Get some time off and just focus on yourself for a while to help you get into the role.




TexasMaam -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 7:39:23 PM)

I'm going to take the less popular "position" here and advise you not to switch roles.

If you're happy and fulfilled as a submissive, you will feel lost at the prospect of topping him. You won't be comfortable or happy doing it. He won't be satisfied because he'll feel he hasn't "really been topped".

How do you spell d i s a s t e r ?

If you try it anyway, I hope it goes well for both of you.

Texas Maam





DominaMame -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/15/2006 10:18:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I'm going to take the less popular "position" here and advise you not to switch roles.

If you're happy and fulfilled as a submissive, you will feel lost at the prospect of topping him. You won't be comfortable or happy doing it. He won't be satisfied because he'll feel he hasn't "really been topped".

How do you spell d i s a s t e r ?

If you try it anyway, I hope it goes well for both of you.

Texas Maam




I HAVE to agree here 100% and could not have said it better Myself nor could I add to it.

Best of luck if you try but I tried to reverse roles over 10 years ago. It lasted less than 10 minutes and I was so utterly uncomfortable that I actually needed air and to get outside the house.

Be Well,

DM




Nahemah -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/16/2006 9:12:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

I am in a 24/7 dom/sub relationship where I have always been the submissive one. However, last night, my dom asked me dominate him sometime. He isn't into recieving pain (although he loves doling it out lol), so I know he doesn't want anything like that. From what he told me, I think it's more that he wants me to use light bondage on him and force sex on him. At first I was shocked and didn't think I would ever be able to do this, but the more I thought about it, the more I want to try. Does anyone have an idea of how I should dress, act, or do for this? I think he wants more of the forced sex and control rather than service or pain. Any ideas or suggestions are appriciated.


Communication. It's that simple. Before you both became 24/7 had He ever expressed an interest in being "topped"? Have you ever imagined yourself in this role? My gut reaction is to say no. If He tries to pull the "I'm your Master and I'm ordering you to do this" trick, you seriously need to reconsider where you are.

Talk. Let it rest a few days. Talk again. If it is truly something that you and He both want, the desire will not only get stronger, but you will both build the confidence needed to fulfill your temporary roles.

I do want you to think about this: Say you *do* top Him, what if in the future He asks you to do it again, and again, because He has found a new submissive nature inside of Himself. Are you going to be able to fulfill the switch role and be happy and satisfied? Think long-term.

Communication.





naughtynick -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/16/2006 12:31:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DianeB

It's time to buy a strapon!!!!!!


I couldn't help not to laugh out loud when I saw that message




MistressAlexaS -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 4:33:36 AM)

Communication and trust is the key. If you feel psyched up and comfy with doing this and so does he GO FOR IT! Whip that ass, rape that man force him to submit to your whim! [:D]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, its two people living out a fantasy and enjoying it. And isn't that what this is all about? Being fulfilled and happy? So go for it I say and if you ever feel uncomfortable, all you have to do is tell him straight out. Nothing is written in stone and we are not cut from cookie cutter molds, so do what makes you happy. Life is too short to do otherwise.

~Alexa




DelRey -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 5:17:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaMame


quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I'm going to take the less popular "position" here and advise you not to switch roles.

If you're happy and fulfilled as a submissive, you will feel lost at the prospect of topping him. You won't be comfortable or happy doing it. He won't be satisfied because he'll feel he hasn't "really been topped".

How do you spell d i s a s t e r ?

If you try it anyway, I hope it goes well for both of you.

Texas Maam




I HAVE to agree here 100% and could not have said it better Myself nor could I add to it.

Best of luck if you try but I tried to reverse roles over 10 years ago. It lasted less than 10 minutes and I was so utterly uncomfortable that I actually needed air and to get outside the house.

Be Well,

DM



900% agree, don't go there.

DO NOT alter your roll. If your D/s relationship is working you will be spreading weed seed in what sound to be a pretty healthy garden.

With that said, You can remain in your roll and still get his fantasy acted out.
Cuff him to a chair, then bring in a pro mistress that you have given instructions to previously. Tell her to to the forcing of him to make him your slut.

If this is what he wants, he will thank you and you will not upset your relationship.

Sound fun?




Jasmyn -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 6:05:19 AM)

In total disagreement with the previous three posters , I will say do it, do it, do it, and then do it again. You are young, in a relationship with a man you love, and the world's your proverbial oyster.

As how to dress and act, ask him if he has any particular 'forced sex' fantasy trip or is it more a general thought ... if he has a former then you can model a scene around that and act and dress accordingly, if it is the latter then see MsSonnetMarwood above ;)

My early explorations into d/s saw me play the submissive to my partner... one night he asked me to tie him up, and like you I struggled with the idea a bit, then figured, what the hell, a life only half lived and all that. Tied him spreadeagle to our king size bed, I blindfolded him and proceeded to tease and torment him. Denying him my pussy, my lips, my arse, my breasts but always, always tantalizing him with thoughts of them, only to call his bluff and tell him to kiss them then almost immediately to stop...telling him I know just how much he wants to fuck me right now and if he wasn't tied down that would very well be happening. Sometimes I'd leave the room and take a breather, watching from the doorway, not making a sound and every so often trailing a feather or crop over his skin when he was least expecting it. Paying particular attention to his cock and the other sensitive parts of his body I knew so well. Eventually at the height of his arousal, I removed his blindfold and I sat astride him, his cock inside me and masturbated, giving myself an intense orgasm, flooding his crotch. To end the scene I untied him and kissing him lightly asked that he remain on the bed and I would be back momentarily...returning to the room, he saw me on my knees, crawling across the floor to him with a crop held between my teeth and I nonchalantly mentioned when he took the crop that I'd forgotten to receive his permission to cum. I'll let you imagine the rest ;)

More ideas while I'm on that track .. dance with him... he, a new, but to become, a longtime lover, was standing when I blindfolded him, a handsome man with a devilish mind, dropping his trousers and removing his shirt. Grabbing his cock I waited till it twitched and grew in my hand and then tied a shoelace around it and his balls. Holding his hands I brought them up to my breasts and kissed him deeply, murmuring how good his hands felt all the while sliding them slowly down my body. He moaned in anticipation, his fingers lightly brushing between my legs, only to feel his hands been pushed away and planted against himself. Taking a length of rope I tied his hands together and then tethered them to his tied cock. The music was playing and swaying to the music I began to dance around him, teasing and touching, kissing and caressing. His pants around his ankles, he couldn't go far, and I loved the feel of his naked skin against mine. Removing my own shirt and bra, I came upbehind him and doused his back in massage oil, and gently at first rubbed myself against him, sliding my hands all over his body, my arms around him, breathe on his neck, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, my hands teasingly, tauntingly rubbing his cock, all the while swaying and dancing against him. He reflected later, how never in his life had a sexual partner paid him that much attention, infact he doubted any woman had given him even half the pleasurable memories as I did that night.

Good luck with it, let your inner queen come out to play and enjoy ;)

Msg me privately or on the board if you have any specific questions, am happy to help.




Jasmyn -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 6:19:23 AM)

Forgot to add.. after a scene with me topping my dom partner, an unexpected (then anticipated) plus was he would become the lion who roared. Our scenes afterward were highly erotic and intense. Almost like he was wanting to harness and tame the horny little wench that I was and remind me that he 'owned me' not the other way around.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 6:23:56 AM)

Apparently "catching switch" is worse than I thought...we should all be quarantined.




yourMissTress -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 6:52:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Apparently "catching switch" is worse than I thought...we should all be quarantined.


OMG, I have to laugh at this LA. There's a small club here in Nashville that attracts the much younger BDSM crowd (the average attendee is 22). And I noticed that most of the subs switch roles within 3 months of first coming to this club, and then choose to identify as switch from that point forward. It was only about a month ago that I started calling that particular club, Club Switchy.

Now Nashville is a mainly male dom oriented scene, and the typical couple is male dom/female switch. Which leads me to wonder...are they all really switches? Or maybe some of them are just "trendy"?




DelRey -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/17/2006 6:52:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Apparently "catching switch" is worse than I thought...we should all be quarantined.


LMFAO
yeah, phuck bird flu...... this is an issue that must be stopped.


[;)]




TexasMaam -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/18/2006 10:22:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

In total disagreement with the previous three posters , I will say do it, do it, do it, and then do it again. You are young, in a relationship with a man you love, and the world's your proverbial oyster.

Good luck with it, let your inner queen come out to play and enjoy ;)

Msg me privately or on the board if you have any specific questions, am happy to help.


If anyone could teach a subfem how to mutate into a Domina, it might be Jasmyn! That said, allow Me to explain My above post:

One of My dearest friends is a long time subfem, who craves a strong Dominant male partner. She is multiorgasmic, and a hard core pain puppy with over 15 years experience as a sub.

I had been approached by a fellow online who petitioned Me for service. I turned him down for various reasons, but ultimately it was because he was a well known Dallas Dominant who was unwilling to admit to being a switch.

Imagine My dismay when My dearest submissive female friend, (above), finally divulged her 'New Dom's" identity to Me. I was at a loss to know what to do: torn between trying to congratulate her on her rush of happiness, or trying to warn her that the fellow she'd just hooked up with was in fact a switch. What to do?

Cherishing her friendship for as many years as I have, I chose to warn her.

An incredible Online Row ensued, with former friends taking sides over who said what, who knew what, who had Dominated whom, who had trained whom, etc.

Three and a half years later, the submissive friend calls My cellphone in tears.

I learn her painful, searing story of how the 'switching' started first as his simple request for her to 'top him'.

She found herself over the next year and a half donning Domina wear, instead of the slinky, submissive fetish wear she craved. She found herself with a whip or flogger in her hand, her "Dom" tied down to the bed, desperately trying to meet H/his needs night after night, while he insisted he was in fact the Dom because he was telling her and directing her on how to dominate him. By the time two years had passed, she was wanting to find a 'Real Dom' to meet her needs, yet she stayed, hoping to rekindle the Dominant he had seemed to be when they met. By three years, her world was turned upside down. She loved him to distraction; tried desperately to make him happy, finding herself unfulfilled and longing for subspace, domination and the catharsis of pain that she so desperately needed.

The relationship fell apart, with her crying 'foul' when he denied the entire sordid story trying to protect his 'image' as a well known Dallas Dominant. The end result was that our formerly cohesive and affable group fell into cliques divided by who believed whom, who was really a switch vs sub vs Dom, who believed in topping from the bottom or bottoming from the top. Switches were ostrasized from the group: suspected 'closet subs' and 'closet Dom/Domme's were flamed by parties who had no basis in fact for their opinions: Rumors outweighed fact, suspicion reigned supreme.

My submissive friend was left having to grapple with the fact that she'd been released by her Dom/sub/Sswitch partner because 'she had failed to Dominate him to His satisfaction'. She was left emotionally and psychologically scarred, and lost her network of support as well, since the "Dom" in question held such sway within the community.

Now if you ask Me, that was unhealthy, for all parties involved.

Switching between two switches can be a beautiful waltz that flows as easily as the rythm of the dance. If they are both switches, I agree: let them explore.

If, however, she is a happy, fulfilled submissive who craves a submissive role: I reiterate: Don't switch roles.

Texas Maam




thetammyjo -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/18/2006 10:56:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

If, however, she is a happy, fulfilled submissive who craves a submissive role: I reiterate: Don't switch roles.

Texas Maam


And what is he supposed to do?

Or any switch for that matter in a similar situation?

Nothing? Do his desires and needs not matter?

Perhaps the answer might be to become BDSM poly but be honest, that might not be in the ethical cards of some couples. In that case they this happy, fulfilled submissive may have to be truly submissive and learn to service top or service dom unless she wants resentments built up that could hurt the relationship.




TexasMaam -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/19/2006 7:24:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

If, however, she is a happy, fulfilled submissive who craves a submissive role: I reiterate: Don't switch roles.

Texas Maam


And what is he supposed to do?

Or any switch for that matter in a similar situation?

Nothing? Do his desires and needs not matter?

Perhaps the answer might be to become BDSM poly but be honest, that might not be in the ethical cards of some couples. In that case they this happy, fulfilled submissive may have to be truly submissive and learn to service top or service dom unless she wants resentments built up that could hurt the relationship.



tammyjo,

Discovering our own needs and wants and desires is our own journey. He to his, Me to mine, You to yours.

My point is: don't impose your needs on others at the risk of your significant other ending up losing their own identity.

The key word being: IMPOSE

I wonder, tammyjo, were you unwilling, or unable to read the next to last paragraph???


Quote:

"Switching between two switches can be a beautiful waltz that flows as easily as the rythm of the dance. If they are both switches, I agree: let them explore. "


Texas Maam




thetammyjo -> RE: He asked me dominate him! (2/19/2006 7:42:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

If, however, she is a happy, fulfilled submissive who craves a submissive role: I reiterate: Don't switch roles.

Texas Maam


And what is he supposed to do?

Or any switch for that matter in a similar situation?

Nothing? Do his desires and needs not matter?

Perhaps the answer might be to become BDSM poly but be honest, that might not be in the ethical cards of some couples. In that case they this happy, fulfilled submissive may have to be truly submissive and learn to service top or service dom unless she wants resentments built up that could hurt the relationship.



tammyjo,

Discovering our own needs and wants and desires is our own journey. He to his, Me to mine, You to yours.

My point is: don't impose your needs on others at the risk of your significant other ending up losing their own identity.

The key word being: IMPOSE

I wonder, tammyjo, were you unwilling, or unable to read the next to last paragraph???


Quote:

"Switching between two switches can be a beautiful waltz that flows as easily as the rythm of the dance. If they are both switches, I agree: let them explore. "


Texas Maam



She isn't a switch so you are saying he (the switch) must sacrifice his desires so that she (the non-switch) isn't forced to switch?!

Why is the non-switch's desires and identity more valuable or important than the switch's?

I'm not a switch but I've known several who feel they must chose a role to fulfill their non-switch partners who don't want them going outside the relationship. I have never known that to work out well and I seen several of these unfulfilled switches cheating which only makes things much worse for everyone involved.

I think they have to compromise or they will risk harming their relationship.

The OP never said what exactly her partner wanted in terms of switching. If its Ds that might be difficult for her to do depending on whether he wants some stereotyped dom behavior and words or something from within. If its physical stuff only then that's easy -- topping is action, doing it, she can be submissive and do the actions for him I've known several people who are great tops but identify as submissives or slaves and do their topping from that point of view (they would not identify as switches).

If the OP just can't then she may have to allow him outlets for his bottom/sub/whatever energy. Not allowing this denies him his desires.

Oh, he may said "I can put them aside, they aren't that important" but I say, based on experience and people I've known, that once he brought it up, that came after hard thought and deep reflection. His claims that he can do without may be simply wishful thinking or reactions to not getting what he hoped for.

If he really has desires and needs from the other side they will not just go away.

I'm not a switch but my slave is. He has a bondage top inside of him who is very skilled at bondage of various sorts. I'm not a switch and because of my past and my personality my compromising by letting him tie me up wouldn't work. So I compromised by allowing and even encouraging him to find other outlets. He visits a bondage club a few times a year, gives workshops on technique, and has bondage buddies come over or he visits them.

Now he did tell me that "he didn't need to do that" but I'm not blind, I do know him pretty well and I've been doing all of this for a good time now. I can see how much fun and pleasure he gets from practicing his bondage skills and making another person so very happy with them. I don't feel threatened or hurt in any way when he tops someone. In fact I feel proud that he feels safe enough and secure enough to let me know when he has these itches and desires and I feel empowered that the decision of who he tops and when is left to me.

Now perhaps, TexasMaam, you've only known bad situations where the non-switch played for their partner and this is where you are writing from. I'm sorry that those people couldn't find workable and positive compromises.

I think the OP can find these compromises but she has to be open to them.




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