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Matters of Disclosure - 7/4/2009 9:23:11 PM

DavanKael

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Hi, all----
As someone who considers themselves rather sex-positive, I've not ever shied away from having conversations relevant to health-status/std's and the like. That's not to say that I haven't taken some risks in my life ('cause I have, some momentously so) and I am sure I will take some risks again (Life's full of risks afterall, we just try to measure cost versus benefit along with the knowledge that something totally unanticipated could happen and blow all of our measuring asunder). Anyway, as the years have passed and I've realized that people are reluctant to talk about health issues that could affect a partner, ignorant about them, ashamed about them, etc., I have grown more paranoid (Well, the paranoia's from dodgin' some bullets too, thank the Universe) and try to be very thorough in asking questions to ascertain what risks I'm facing and beiing frank about past risks I've taken, etc. My most recent relationship ended a few months ago and since then, I've done the full round of testing and have my paperwork to share with a potential partner and, though I've never done so before, I am thinking it's rather reasonable to ask for full blood-testing along with other questions of relevance prior to being sexual with a new partner.
Here are some of my questions:
**Here are my most recent test results, do you have any questions?
**To your knowledge, have you ever had an std? If so, which one(s)? When? What treatment, if any did you receive?
**To your knowledge, have any of your past partners had std's? If so, which ones? What was the status during your relationship?
**Do you get cold sores? Have you ever gotten cold sores?
**Have you ever had any sores or growths in your genital area? If so, did you seem medical attention and what was the outcome?
**How many sex partners have you had (including oral)? How many sex partners have you had in the past year? What is the most recent sex partner you have had?
**Are you aware of any former sex partners having any gential sores or growths? What was the outcome?
**Did any of your former sex partners have cold sores of which you are aware? Had they ever?
**Have any of your former sex partners had abnormal paps? Have any of yor former partners tested positive for the low or high risk hpv dna tests?
**Have you been vaccinated against hpv?
**Have you received the hepatitis vaccination?
**How often do you use condoms?
**Would you be willing to have blood tests for the following: herpes/hsv (Both the kind that typically presents orally and the kind that typically presents genitally), hiv, syphilis, hepatitis (All kinds), and, there may be one or two things I am missing here but would reference to be sure I am thorough in asking that everything possible to test for with blood was.
I would gladly answer any of those questions that a particular partner asked of me and more and probably would present any of that information without being asked because I like for all cards to be on the table.
Other questions that you would ask a partner(s) prior to sexual contact?
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 7/4/2009 9:30:12 PM >

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 12:42:27 AM

Mistress4Gurls

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In this day and age I always want to know if their partner was bisexual, or engaged in any risky behaviour. This is mostly geared to women with men who were bisexual. If the answer is yes then before play I want to see a recent and earlier HIV test. One test is not enought, you can test negative then positivie 6 months later. I also want to know about IV drug use or partners who engaged in IV drug use.

Thats all I can think of at this point.

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 2:53:23 AM

SavageFaerie

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That reminds me I need to get a recent set of tests, everything was clear last year and have only had one other partner and I live with the them now. We play it on the safe side and still use protection.

Its a poly relationship so I know from both parties that they were monogamous in the past so I'm not worried on their end.

Just want a follow up to make sure. Although I have had few encounters in the past 5 years all of which were safely protected.

To answer the OP yes I would absolutely ask not only for sex sake but because I'm a edge player and there is sometimes blood involved abit on a minor basis.

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 5:12:56 AM

DemonKia

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FR, after read thru

Thoughtful post, OP.

Unfortunately (following taken from the CDC's fact sheet on genital warts):

"Currently, there is no test designed or approved to find HPV in men. The only approved HPV test on the market is for women, for use as part of cervical cancer screening. There is no general test for men or women to check one's overall 'HPV status.' But HPV usually goes away on its own, without causing health problems. So an HPV infection that is found today will most likely not be there a year or two from now."

From reading discussions in the STD group on FL, it's apparently very common for health-care providers to tell patients who're being screened for STDs that they don't need to disclose their HPV status, due to how common it is & that most cases are considered self-limiting (go away on their own) . . . . . .

Asking direct questions will probably help with that, but I keep the above info in mind in those kind of discussions.

I prefer to avoid exchanging body fluids as much as possible as my primary means of staying out of the STD exchange . .. . There's a lot of sex-play possible, especially in the realm of BDSM, that involves no body fluid exchange . . . ..

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 7:20:52 AM

mdr080480

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Since hand probably doesn't classify as a sex partner. I should be clear.

Hell, when I was in the hospital for my DVT, the blood tests they ran dug up kidney issues I have, and will have. No other problems came up, and since I've never been put in a position to be at risk, I should be clear. So, I am not opposed to blood tests, and would prefer them done on all sides. In fact I probably should get the whole array of tests anyways, just to be positive nothing got picked up covertly.

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 9:30:20 AM

DavanKael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia
FR, after read thru
Thoughtful post, OP.
Unfortunately (following taken from the CDC's fact sheet on genital warts):
"Currently, there is no test designed or approved to find HPV in men. The only approved HPV test on the market is for women, for use as part of cervical cancer screening. There is no general test for men or women to check one's overall 'HPV status.' But HPV usually goes away on its own, without causing health problems. So an HPV infection that is found today will most likely not be there a year or two from now."
From reading discussions in the STD group on FL, it's apparently very common for health-care providers to tell patients who're being screened for STDs that they don't need to disclose their HPV status, due to how common it is & that most cases are considered self-limiting (go away on their own) . . . . . .
Asking direct questions will probably help with that, but I keep the above info in mind in those kind of discussions.
I prefer to avoid exchanging body fluids as much as possible as my primary means of staying out of the STD exchange . .. . There's a lot of sex-play possible, especially in the realm of BDSM, that involves no body fluid exchange . . . ..

Hi, Kia----
The CDC info you posted mirrors what I've read as well. I have heard of some providers doing 'anal paps' for male clients.
The testing that is available is sketchey because paps only show if there's abnormal cell growth going on currently and the dna-based tests show if several kinda are indicated in your dna then...but, they may have disappared by the next time you're tested.
Much like hsv, hpv can travel from genitals to throat; a friend who works for the CDC sent me an article a year or so ago about instances in throat cancer increasing due to hpv-infection.
My general assumption, since about 90% of people have, have had, or will have hpv is that everyone's got it, however I want to know what they know and what's been goin' on physically.
Yes, some doctors do take a rather blase view of notification. My gyn, who I think is fabulous, thought I was insane when I demanded the dna-tests after a normal pap. She asked why since I knew there was nothing going on negative for me and I told her I felt I was being negligent toward partners if there was a test that could be done and I didn't have it. She shook her head and did the test.
Doctors are even more reluctant about doing hsv testing because so many people have the kind that produces cold sores. Actually came relatively close to an argument with her on that one as I consider that to be a far, far more serious infection than hpv. She said that as a general rule, they don't test unless there are symptms present. I said, "You and I both know there are millions of people wandering around transmitting the disease without knowing it 'cause they've never had symptoms". Basically, because I was a pain about it and she knows what I know about std's, the did the test.
Your note about bodily fluid-exchange is a certain means of protection but both of the viruses I mentioned in this e-mail are skin-to-skin contact-based, so unfortunately you can get them without bodily fluid exchange.

Good catch to the other poster who suggested asking if partners have been bi- (Although, given the liberties I know people take with descriptors <I had a partner who identified as 'straight' and said he liked having sex with men because of the physical stimulation and because he didn't have relationships with men>, I'd ask if they'd had sexual interaction, including oral, with people of the same sex.

Good point, too, on the IV drug use. That gets me to thinking about whether asking if they've ever had a transfusion (Not only did the Red Cross knowingly infect most of the world's hemophiliacs with hiv years ago, they infected a bunch of people with hepatitis-tainted blood a few years back as well.
Davan

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 10:13:01 AM

Scotty306134

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Hi DemomKia You are correct. I recently had suposedly a full battery of the STD Tests. Everything came back negative, but the Dr told me they couldn't test for genital warts. I had a bout with genital warts in 2003. I couldn't undestand how I'd gotten them. I"d only had two or three encounters in the two years before and nothing for 10 years before that! All were 'safe' sex except three months before I'd performed oral one time on my Mistress [at the time]. Well when Mistress heard the diagnosis, She exclaimed "Oh i know what they are...I had them 14 years earlier. They weren't too bad"! She didn't know they were contagious. Her Dr had told Her they'd go away after a couple weeks. My Dr told me they'd be with me for life! Lately I've been reading they go away after a couple of years. Anyway any time I connect with someone I let them know beforehand I'm a carrier of the genital warts germ. It probably stops 75% or more of the connections from playing with me.

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 10:43:08 AM

DavanKael

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Hi, Scotty----
Unfortunately, the strains of hpv that cause warts tend to be the sort that stick around longer-term. On the upside of that (In the view of some) is that most of the wart-causing strains aren't the potentially cancer causing strains.
It's unfortunate that your Mistress wasn't better informed, though a lot of doctors give erroneous and contradictory information which is all-the-more frustrating. I applaud your disclosing to people. :>
Best wishes,
Davan

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 10:45:34 AM

DemonKia

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FR, after read thru

Yep, the only way to completely avoid STDs is either abstinence from most physical contact with others, especially sexual, or to only have partnered sex with someone one knows to be faithfully monogamous & not infected with any STDs . . ... .

A coupla other thoughts -- most STDs have some kinda incubation period during which their antibodies won't necessarily show up in a blood or other diagnostic test . . . . . . Diagnostic tests have failure rates, so repeated testing would seem to be in order to know for absolutely sure . . . .

Ah. & lots of bi men, in particular, lie about their sexual interactions with other men. I find that looking at the Craigslist men-seeking-men ads is very educational on that front, all those 'straight-looking / acting dudes seeking same for down low fun' kinda thing . . . . .

There's also concerns about how toys (floggers & other hitting implements made out of difficult to clean materials particularly come to mind) get used & or cleaned, given that we're a bunch of kinksters here . . . . . . I've met far too many people 'in the scene' who consider basic household rubbing alcohol to be an adequate disinfectant, for instance. (Hint: it's not.)

To my mind there's a variety of things that need to be taken into consideration to stay out of the STD transmission circuit -- getting to know potential partners well enough to trust their self-reporting of their sexual history, testing, strict monogamy or polyfidelity, & / or safer sex practices all have their part to play . ... . .

I've actually developed a certain fondness for cyber-sex for this exact reason -- it's tough to transmit an STD over the internet . . .. . .

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/5/2009 11:05:30 AM

slavegirlbc

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i get a series of STD screening tests automatically when a relationship ends, to show the next person i get involved with. and i also find that health practitioners take a very blase view of doing this, and you have to insist to get tested for ALL of them.

you really have to be proactive about your health in general and especially for this area.

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/7/2009 3:43:02 AM

ranja

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I would not know how these papers look...if someone showed me these i would not know where they came from, if they are real, who did the tests... I am ignorant like that...i suppose if i worked in the industry i might have a clue but as it stands any piece of paper in my eyes might be fake... any new partner might be blatantly lieing about things.
Confrontation with a lot of paperwork would make me more suspicious than at ease.

I suggest the use of condoms and maybe rubber gloves and abstain from anything oral until you have build up some trust

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/8/2009 2:54:02 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I would not know how these papers look...if someone showed me these i would not know where they came from, if they are real, who did the tests... I am ignorant like that...i suppose if i worked in the industry i might have a clue but as it stands any piece of paper in my eyes might be fake... any new partner might be blatantly lieing about things.
Confrontation with a lot of paperwork would make me more suspicious than at ease.

I suggest the use of condoms and maybe rubber gloves and abstain from anything oral until you have build up some trust

Or you could both go to a doctor together and get tested use condoms and dental dams until you get re-tested. Of course you need to be certain that the other person is not swapping bodily fluids with others during this time

blah I hate typos

< Message edited by wandersalone -- 7/8/2009 2:55:49 AM >

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RE: Matters of Disclosure - 7/15/2009 12:26:14 PM

DearJessicaD

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My current boyfriend and I had a quickie "Do you have any Std's?" "No, do you?" "No, do you think you could be at risk for anything?" etc talk before the first time we had sex.

Then we both got fully tested when we were going to stop using condoms. Which was like a week later, but whatever.

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