RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help!

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/16/2006 1:24:51 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8

I do however have a hard time telling him I want him to assert his dominance through little things as well ie: having me sit with my legs spread while we watch TV just to remind me of my servitude. It's hard cause I want that, but it's difficult to articulate that sometimes. I don't ever miss an opportunity to tell him how much I like something he does or how hot some encounter was though.

I clipped everything else because this is new and its important.

Have you tried stepping out of scene space and having a heart to heart talk or to renegotiate? You can negotiate this little rituals.

You can also just do them for yourself to help yourself center. While I think the book has problems, one thing that "SlaveCraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude" (by Guy Baldwin) does well is talking about exercises for self motivation and self-satisfaction.

There is nothing wrong with being selfish, that's part of taking care of yourself.

But I didn't address one part of your OP which was that he is a switch. Does he have opportunties to bottom/sub or whatever? If not, that might be a big part of what is draining him of his creativity.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/16/2006 2:51:42 PM

bear372217355

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Your situation is almost identicle to ours. The only difference is our gender is reversed and Mi'Lady has partners outside the marriage.

I'm the male slave and Mi'Lady is well a female switch.

It is a dynamic that has no problems flourishing, as long as communication is the first priority.

Most of the advice I would give you, people have already stated clearly and with more style then I could. So I won't just repete the same things here.

I can only tell you, with communication and lots of patience, you both can achieve satisfaction with each other. Play, learn and play some more. The relationship you seek to build is attainable and there are many just like it out here.

Good Luck!

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/16/2006 4:22:18 PM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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I am reading this with interest as I have been talking with a certain switch male for quite some time now. I attempted for the longest time to keep this on a friendship only thing...(no flirting...except to tell him how cute he is....GORGEOUS)
Funny, nice, smart, nearby...(sort of)
and...a switch...

We began flirting a little more recently, so...I asked him to tell me some of his fantasies...(nice fantasies) of course he knows I'm a submissive so...in these particular fantasies, he was v dominant. Yes, it was hot...

I would consider exploring this more with him...

But, really don't want to set either of us up for something that puts pressure on either one of us to be something we aren't.

Anyway....OP, thanks for the post. Actually, I realize only we can answer these questions...

good luck!

Christina

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/16/2006 5:43:24 PM

JoeBlack

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IMHO, He is tired,if you are having sex once a day,every day,it is a bit of a drain.We should all have that problem...But realisticly,if he is always sexually satisfied,you may be working against yourself. I think men are more content, and laid back,when they are too well fed...Kinda hard to be a Dom,when you have no hungry passion to motivate you. Just my thoughts...hope it helps..

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/17/2006 7:04:10 AM

Driver1961

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He enters, dips His Lid to all..........

Excellent question and it's really great how you are reflecting on some extremely valuable and well thought comments here.

Up front I ask you to ask yourself-

"Considering the fact that He identifys as switch, (your self-described behaviour to me indicates that you do switch regularly with him-partic initiation) do you see Him as not Dom enough and so you are actually complicating His personal thoughts by your behaviour?" You describe yourself as bratty but to me it is more Dom-topping from the bottom.

It has been previously suggested that you should both renegotiate your boundaries, and that is an ongoing cause for growth in a D/s relationship. Do this with reflection of looking at your own behaviour and stating this- rather than 'blaming' and telling Him that He does this and you react inappropriately as result. Open the communication wider with a different thrust than old. (hopefully you have not both done this)

The suggestion of 'Dom tiredness' is very real and the suggestion of cleaning items and in general are actions that speak volumes compared to discussion.

I really admire you for posting this topic, it clearly displays your acceptance and love for your Man. Something that is indicative of the clarity of thought of other posters attempting to assist you via their personal experience.

One of my Preciousses playfully 'bit' me as she likes being bitten- I doubt she will do that again.....I told her instantly that she would not override previously discussed boundaries (in differnt words!) then we later redefined our general boundaries.

Warm regards (Sir) Paul

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/17/2006 10:28:46 AM

LATEXBABY64

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heres one for ya a lot of pro dommes were subs at one time check it out its true :)

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/17/2006 12:10:27 PM

HisGirl8

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Hey Tammyjo,
Yes we had some good long talks about things yesterday and I can honestly say- he didn't know what I wanted and I didn't know I was being so selfish. I just needed a little rearrangement of thought process and we're right where we need to be again... well I'm where I need to be again- lol.

As far as him having the opportunity to be sub... he doesn't have it. He has expressed that it's not a concern for him anymore and that he's very happy in his "role" in our relationship. I believe him. I will say that we are very "closed" and neither one of us are going outside the relationship for any reason- emotional or physical. That said- I'd top him again if he really needed it.

Thanx for helping me yesterday. Today has been blissful and much harmony restored to my little world because of all the advice and and honesty here... I'm sore as hell, the house is sparkling, and I feel amazingly peaceful and happy :)
~a~

< Message edited by HisGirl8 -- 2/17/2006 12:11:31 PM >

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/17/2006 12:18:44 PM

HisGirl8

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Thank You very much for your advice and compliments :)

I do take advice very seriously, especially when it comes from those more experienced than I am. I love him desperately and want so badly to please him. It consumes me and after yesterday, we talked and found some reasons and solutions. Today has been... radiant, peaceful, and happy. I am very very greatful for all the advice I recieved.

Thank You bunches,
~a~

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/17/2006 1:07:05 PM

HoosierScorpio

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I think you can do two things allow him to play with others and it does not have to be about sex but enjoyment of play. So he can have his needs meet or learn how to top him. Topping does not mean power but just another way to play. You do not have the Total power but it can help you in the end. I know those who are Dommes and they enjoy being a bottom occasionally. Scorpio

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/18/2006 12:10:54 AM

LATEXBABY64

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um gee you know sometimes its better not to play with others i do not share my car why would i want to share my diamond sharing is more of a swinger mentality. i would rather be selfish and into the one person the bond with a herd yep yep

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RE: He's a switch, I'm a sub- help! - 2/18/2006 12:28:40 AM

slave4Darby3d

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Sometimes it can be a little difficult wanting the Dominant partner to be also driving everything.

After over a year with Darby3d we have found an interesting balance that kind of works for us. Sometimes, as part of his dominating me, he challenges ME to think up stuff, expects ME to, and this is a hard one sometimes, anticipate and serve, not just wait and serve.

I've turned the anticipate and serve into my own little game. To be the best slave I can be I want to do and provide for his every desire, before he even knows it... It's hard, because he's so whip smart and always moving mentally...hence the game.

Another thing is that there are very, VERY rare times, that as part of our lovemaking and/or play that part of his direction is for me to take not control, but the lead. he's still driving the cart, but not having to think about this and that, try this, do that, top, dom, whip that, spank this. Jeez, he's got a lot to think about all day. Sometimes it is nice for him just to float and enjoy that he can have anything he wants.

Sounds like you two found an interesting trigger for your dynamic, though. He doesn't want to be topped, although that worked for you guys. Ever though of role playing? Putting together entry kind of scenarios that would allow him to conquer you, while getting a little topped himself for a finite time. Maybe two decks of colored 3x5 cards. Pink for Dom-, green for Sub-led scenarios. You guys could both make them up. Shuffle back into the deck the one's you liked. tear up the one's you don't.

But foremost - relax. Sounds like you two have a lifetime to explore each other with.

And congratulations!

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