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Aftercare after Topping - 7/5/2009 7:14:57 PM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I ran into a new situation the other day and wondered if any other switches may have come across this. I was acting as the Domme during a session as a task for a Master. Not only was a topping a slave but at the same time was teaching a new Dom. The slave went more deeply into subspace than anyone I've ever been with before and it was an incredible experience for both her and the Dom that was learning from me. I enjoyed the "power" and responsibility and got quite a kick from the mental aspect of making her fantasies into realities.

I was very careful with her aftercare and oversaw the Dom as he helped with it. She got settled down and the two of them were gently talking and all of a sudden I just seemed to crash emotionally. All I wanted was to be alone and to sit and cry. I would have loved it if my Master were available and could have just let me sit on his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I literally had to go to another part of the home and allow the tears to come.

If either the sub or the Dom would have offered to hold me or talk to me I don't think it would have done any good. I think that along with the let down after the adrenaline rush I was also feeling sad because I knew that my Master would never be able to see what a good job I had done. (If he would have allowed me to top someone in his presence I think that he would have wanted to jump in and play and at that point I would have become submissive to him again instead of being in charge.) Does this make sense to any of you who switch? Have you run into a situation where as the top you ended up feeling the need for aftercare?

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/5/2009 7:49:52 PM

KneelforAnne

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I myself have never run into this situation, but looking at things logically I don’t see why it couldn’t happen, and why it isn‘t a (more or less) natural swing. If you reach such a high, isn’t it reasonable that you would fall to a “lower” low?

If it’s something that you plan on continuing, is there a way to find some solace of your own (from your master or from someone else?) without having to give up the control in the scene/ play?

**Edited to add**

Perhaps this would be a good question in the Ask a Master/Ask a Mistress section, I'm sure there may be some info there...or even past threads.

Good luck!

< Message edited by KneelforAnne -- 7/5/2009 7:51:01 PM >

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/5/2009 7:57:39 PM

chamberqueen

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Thank you. I actually thought about posting it under Ask a Mistress but wasn't sure where it best belonged.

I didn't have a clue at the level of intensity that would come about when I went into the session. It came as a surprise to all of the players involved. It was thrilling to see the absolute change in someone. I was just shocked at my own drop after it was all over.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/5/2009 11:20:25 PM

flash350

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I just experienced a uncontrollable sadness watching a scene with a hot tub full of people joining in humiliation of the sub. I felt sad and that I dont want that to be me. So now I dont want public humiliation or torture and I want to be a switch. Is that all nuts?

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/6/2009 4:39:01 AM

chamberqueen

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It's not nuts at all. Some people enjoy humiliation, some don't - just like some might enjoy any other kink. It is good that you got a chance to see that so that that you know what to avoid.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/6/2009 10:09:50 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

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Joined: 4/14/2009
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IS your Master away from you/ why can he not see what you do?

You had several things happening...
postives at reaching a break through for the sub-bottom..a job well done...an after crash..
and grief at missing Master..

THIS WAS A HEAVY LOAD

I have some suggestions that have worked for me..I had a similar thing occur with a very strong.emotionlly gaurded sub who finally gave way to sub space with a unexpected results.It took 2 hours for him to return to his body and mind..then I had to find mine...ahahahhahahah

CARE OF SELF:
**lay with the sub during their after care and just be still..listen to breathing..just be..they can be your teddy bear...
** shower/bath with a ritual of sorts...have it set out ahead..lavender oil..a glass of wine..a piece of chocolate..fresh towels..
**a meditation to clear the mind..light a candle and breath VERY deeply in and out and do NOT think..simply breath and look at flame
** anchor the body by putting one foot on the other and pressing
** let the grief flow..the tears are good for you..once out then be WARM..a heat lamp or rol in a cocoon quilt
** hot soup..yes..the body will shake and be cold..due to energy release..
** peppermint or relaxation tea and agian.something that honors you..a special tea cup..light out and candle and tea..

When we are in this "state" I thinnk it important to attend to the body first..warm it..feed it..give it hot tea ..FILL IT..
The energy expended must return.
Then the next day oen can process feelings thru journal..discussion..etc..

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 7/6/2009 10:13:14 AM >

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/7/2009 1:42:49 PM

chamberqueen

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GQ, what a beautiful response. Thank you so much.

I don't have an account on CM any more, but I'm going to have a friend of mine send you my personal email address. I hope you'll email me there because I'd like to share with you some things that I learned if I might.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 7/23/2009 11:14:07 AM

sweetwench4u

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Gypsyqueen, good advice and Ive used simular aftercare in the past.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 8/16/2009 9:12:48 PM

BotanicalMiss

Posts: 82
Joined: 11/19/2006
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This is actually fairly common for me when I co-top my housemate's slave with him, especially if it has been a really intense session. I used to go out to the living room and cry by myself, but after some time together we realized that I needed the aftercare just as much as she did. Now when we have those types of encounters we all curl up in the bed together with her in the middle or at our feet (her placement depends entirely on what she needs at the time), and he and I simply touching hands or something. The physical contact between the three of us is what settles us all back into a comfortable zone and works for us.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 8/25/2009 6:19:06 PM

KCalli

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Joined: 8/4/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I ran into a new situation the other day and wondered if any other switches may have come across this. I was acting as the Domme during a session as a task for a Master. Not only was a topping a slave but at the same time was teaching a new Dom. The slave went more deeply into subspace than anyone I've ever been with before and it was an incredible experience for both her and the Dom that was learning from me. I enjoyed the "power" and responsibility and got quite a kick from the mental aspect of making her fantasies into realities.

I was very careful with her aftercare and oversaw the Dom as he helped with it. She got settled down and the two of them were gently talking and all of a sudden I just seemed to crash emotionally. All I wanted was to be alone and to sit and cry. I would have loved it if my Master were available and could have just let me sit on his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I literally had to go to another part of the home and allow the tears to come.

If either the sub or the Dom would have offered to hold me or talk to me I don't think it would have done any good. I think that along with the let down after the adrenaline rush I was also feeling sad because I knew that my Master would never be able to see what a good job I had done. (If he would have allowed me to top someone in his presence I think that he would have wanted to jump in and play and at that point I would have become submissive to him again instead of being in charge.) Does this make sense to any of you who switch? Have you run into a situation where as the top you ended up feeling the need for aftercare?

Something else to think about, how empathic are you? That will make a big difference in your reactions. I have difficulty watching others during scenes. I tend to be pretty empathic and the intensity affects me strongly. Fortunately, my Dom was aware of this and was able to tend to me when needed. I have not been in the situation that you describe but I imagine the feeling would be similar. Especially if there is great intensity.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 8/25/2009 6:25:19 PM

daintydimples

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That sounds like dom drop to me. I've had it. The thing is, I don't want to be with my sub when this occurs, I want my dom (if I had one, which now I don't, so I just feel very lost and lonely.)

I treat it like sub drop by nurturing myself as the lovely GQ has suggested, with the added caveat that I recommend dark chocolate.

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RE: Aftercare after Topping - 8/26/2009 11:41:28 AM

SoulAlloy

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Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
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I felt like that on my first adventure into topping - she absolutely loved it and had a huge emotional release after. For a short while I felt wonderful but then absolutely crashed and felt strong urges to sub again. I felt completely out of kilter for days - It actually put me off topping for a while that experience, I'm still not sure how I'd deal with it beyond time and patience should it happen again.

Edited - just read the advice from gypsy queen, it looks good :)

< Message edited by SoulAlloy -- 8/26/2009 11:44:14 AM >

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