MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Well I agree with Greedy Top but I suspect the OP was hoping for a bit more, so here goes.
Firstly it depends on what the first meeting is going to be. Generally, most Dommes will opt for an informal chat first, often over coffee or a light meal, in a safe public place. A chance to scope out each other, look for chemistry, things in common, and mutual interest in taking it further. In this case, the golden rules are:
* Be yourself, don't put on an act as sooner or later you'll slip up. However, that said, be the best version of yourself you can be! That means paying a bit of extra attention to some things.
* Dress clean and reasonably neatly as suits your personality and the venue. Pay attention to your personal grooming - clean hair, use deodorant, fresh underpants and socks etc! Avoid strong colognes though, they can give some people a headache or asthma.
* Be on time - don't be there way too early (that might make Her feel awkward) but also don't be late. If you arrive at the venue well ahead of time, sit in your car for a bit before getting out pretty much on time. If you get held up in traffic etc make sure you have Her mobile number (and your mobile phone!) with you so you can phone Her to explain and revise your estimated time of arrival. Make sure you KNOW where the meeting place is (so many get lost!) and also don't deviate from Her arrangements! If She says She wants you to wait outside the cafe, don't wait there two minutes and then decide off your own bat to go in and get a table. That is incredibly annoying and puts Her off balance to start, as She is looking for someone waiting outside. It is much more daunting to Her to have to walk in alone and scan the tables looking for the right single male to approach! Be where She asked you to be!
* Be charming and attentive - be prepared with some questions to ask Her and listen carefully to Her answers. However, if She asks you questions, be prepared to answer them fully, don't trot out monosyllables or pat answers such as "Anything You say Mistress". Generally, don't call Her Mistress at all! Ask Her ahead of time how you should address Her in public and how you should greet Her.
* Don't interrupt when She is speaking. If She says something you want to know more about, file it in your mind and ask when She has stopped speaking. If She has moved on from there, ask "Can we just return to a point You made? i'd like to know more about ..."
* If you feel that you'd like to bring Her a gift, keep it simple and low key. Unless She is allergic to flowers (could ask what Her favourite flowers are in general convo before the meeting), a small bunch of those (or even a single beautiful bloom) may go down well. Most of Us like chocolates too ... but if She has mentioned She is a health nut or struggling with Her weight ... then that's not the right choice. For most of Us, gifts are NOT essential and anything too ostentatious or expensive will make Us feel uneasy and We'll back off.
* If you are eating or drinking, pay attention to what you order. It's hard to make a good impression if you are slopping tomato sauce from the spaghetti onto your shirt. Similarly, desserts with lashings of whipped cream can be rather messy to eat. Think about your eating habits, make sure you close your mouth when chewing, don't cram huge amounts of food into your mouth at once, and don't slurp a drink through a mouthful of food. All very yuck when viewed from the other side of the table. However, if She wants to order something, do order something yourself, even if it's only a light snack, to keep Her company. If alcohol is available, drink very sparingly! Intersperse it with non-alcoholic drinks.
* Paying can be a tricky one. Generally I expect to each contribute, sometimes I have said I would pay, other times I have appreciated the sub volunteering to pay. Acquiesce to Her wishes in this, don't argue. It could be a little test of your willingness to submit!
* Expect to talk about things other than bdsm. It's highly likely She will want to know more about you the person, as well as you the potential sub.
* No matter how things have gone, thank Her politely for Her time at the end. Let Her lead in terms of physical contact - a handshake, a hug. If you'd like to give Her a hug but are a bit unsure ... express it! "i've really enjoyed this meeting, may i give You a hug please?" I'm a huggy sort of Domme so rarely will I decline (unless due attention wasn't paid to personal grooming!) and I admit that the sub who slipped in a gentle kiss on the cheek at the same time was quite well received because it felt very natural and spontaneous.
Now, it is possible for a first meeting to be for play ... in which case most of these rules still apply, but with added ones about open negotiations, safe calls etc. However, for a newbie, I would recommend going with the informal vanilla meet first!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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