Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (Full Version)

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ShivaTS -> Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 2:55:04 PM)

This (gurl) has lived under supervision of mother and father all her life till they disowned this (gurl) a short time ago. They are hindu and alot of relitives are muslim. Society dictates women provide service to men. This (gurl) was lower than women due to how she was born (intersex). Life was hard due to a big family and low income. This (gurl) is used to not alot of pleasures in life. Beatings, sleeping on the floor, limited amounts to eat was a way of life. Life was from home to school, to work, to home. No dottling, no close friends, and never dating. This (gurl) was allowed to leave because of a job was offered in another province. This gurl has never been on her own for this long of a period and longs for structure. Muslim life is appealing however this community seems to suit what is wanted in life, love. Thanks to people responding to posts, this (gurl) is learning but keeps getting told she is a doormate with low self esteem. This is not understood because a good slave is what this (gurl) is or at least thinks should be.

Is this really for me or should a the previous life under a religious man be better?



PenelopePitstop -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 3:05:17 PM)

Ah now, I think I understand you a bit better. Hope you don't mind my stalking your posts.

So...it seems there is a big gap in your life the past was not what it should have been. Sometimes we are attracted to the only patterns we understand. I don't think you are willingly submissive, hun, I think it is the only thing you understand.

I understand why you feel the urge to be dominated, but I really believe it's something you should try and fight at this moment in time. I feel that you are opening the path to self-destruction here, because you haven't arrived at submission as a way to be happier: more a way to resist change.

If this all hadn't happened to you - who do you think you would have been instead? That's a question to ponder on :) Be curious about yourself.





sub4hire -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 4:22:06 PM)

Differnt countries, different religions and different practices. Here in the US, I'd call it abuse and not at all BDSM. BDSM is consentual not forced upon you.

In another country, perhaps people would view it a different way.



Tine11 -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 4:38:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Differnt countries, different religions and different practices. Here in the US, I'd call it abuse and not at all BDSM. BDSM is consentual not forced upon you.

In another country, perhaps people would view it a different way.


I totally agree



JohnWarren -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 6:28:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tine11

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Differnt countries, different religions and different practices. Here in the US, I'd call it abuse and not at all BDSM. BDSM is consentual not forced upon you.

In another country, perhaps people would view it a different way.


I totally agree


I don't think they'd call it BDSM. More probably "tradition" "our fathers' way" or just "the way it should be."



Slipstreme -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 8:07:22 PM)

I think I may understand somewhat your point of view. That is somewhat how I was treated by peers growing up, made to be the underdog, kicked around whenever they could, walked over, down trodden, insulted and denied. I had no control over my life, or at least that is how it felt, but at least those times were not permanent as I had a loving family to go home to.

You had the unfortunate problem of growing up in a way of living that gave you no choice, and taught you this how it needs to be. What you need to do is resist ending up in that cycle again. In my case, the way I grew up has turned me against being submissive in any way, because I was not happy. I don't see how I could be happy being a submissive or slave. I need and crave control.

If you do see you need to be a slave to be happy, please take the time to consider why people become slaves: They want to be there. They were not forced to be there. My friend who lives in NJ also had a hard life. However, she found the man who showed her love, acceptance and friendliness in a way no one has ever done for her. She needs to serve him, because doing so is what completes her. She came into their D/s relationship willingly and now lives under him as his slave. She has never been happier. Put me in that same situation, and there would be problems. The important issue is that there was choice. Nothing was forced on them.

What you need right now would be to look after yourself. Find out what is and isn't healthy, evaluate who you are as a person. Who do you want to be? Where do you see yourself? Take a time out to reflect on you. When you are ready, when you find that special person, irregardless of whether or not you are a slave, then make that choice. Right now you are not ready. Right now you may need to stop the cycle of abuse you were in. Think of this. Do you like the pain you put yourself in under another's hands? Or did you do it because this is how you believed it needed to be? Us masochists want what we get for our own pleasure. In fact, for the most part, I initiate my beatings.

Think too, is there love? Is there concern? Or are you just a convienient plaything, a pain toy, someone to do as they are told and to fuck when the Dom needs it? Love is important. This can be romantic love, or simply the love between good friends. They will look out for you, make sure you are safe, regardless of what kind of relationship you are in.

In short. What do you WANT to be? Your needs come first. Your health comes first. Besides you can't serve a Master when you don't have one yet and you don't get one by getting yourself into trouble. Or worse, get yourself dead.

Look out for yourself. Then seek D/s. You may just want to take a break for a while. In fact, you may just need to go vanilla for a while.



ShivaTS -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 9:10:12 PM)

Thank you for the suggestions. It is clear I will run after any Dom/me that will give me a chance. I just messeged a Domme who professed an interest in me. I dont know anything about her except that she wishes to dominate me.

I dont know if a vanilla person would be able to hold a relationship for me. Wouldnt also be more dangerous than here in the BDSM community?



SimplyV -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/16/2006 10:01:51 PM)

Shiva..

I really feel for you. My sub has had a similar background though not as severe as yours. So I kinda understand where you're coming from.

I agree with the others that submission for you isn't a choice. Its how you've learned to survive. You are conditioned to be a slave, basically from birth.

Now that you're out of that repression.. You probably feel lost and overwhelmed with choices and other demands of daily living. Not to mention of course the loneliness.

I'm not sure you're ready to head out on your own in a vanilla life, as I think due to your conditioning you'd choose someone who would be abusive since thats what you're comfortable in. Its all you've known.

But the same issues also apply if you persue BDSM, you'd probably initially be more comfortable with a Dom/me who wants a doormat. I would recommend making sure you choose a benevolent Dom/me who understands your past and will help you grow and develope on your own into the woman you should be.

In time, you may find a love and appreciation for yourself and may choose to leave a submissive life behind. If you do decide to persue BDSM, insist on a Dom/me that will help you achieve this... so you may decide for yourself what it is you really want. Until you reach the point of self-reliance, I don't think you can really be considered as a consentual submissive.



prefer2sub -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/19/2006 6:57:20 PM)

I believe that you are going to need to take your life slowly. I have been belittled in the past and present by a close family member I live with, yet I know who I am as a person. You must take this slowly and ff you find a good Dominant who understands your past and sees you for who YOU are: then you will have a good life. Being a slave means that you give of yourself from your heart, not because you have to do so to survive. Submission is a gift you give of yourself from the beginning.

I hope that you will pursue this lifestyle not because of your past, but because of your future and I wish you lots of love, prayers and luck.



nicochan -> RE: Has this (gurl) lived a bdsm lifestyle all her life? (2/19/2006 6:58:24 PM)

My background is similar to yours, Slipstreme, but as I have become a slave and my own person simultaneously, it may be a good idea.

I agree that good friends and possibly a significant other are good for one's self-esteem. From being on the outside in elementary and most of high school, I have learned to be very observant and to be attentive to the needs of others, so this way of life is just what I need. I have read an interpretation of what may make one desire to be a submissive and/or slave, and one thing that I really connected with was that I do not have to worry so much about decisions, as they are made for me. My opinion is considered, but my Master and His wife have the final say. Serving them and loving them is a huge weight off of my shoulders, as I am also attending college.

Shiva, if you think that the offer from the Domme may be what you need at this time, make sure that she knows your background. You will not need to worry about feeling like nothing and being downtrodden. As others have said any form of BDSM is consensual, and nothing should happen that is not concented to by both of you. Perhaps with them as a safe base, you can open up to the outside world a tiny bit more. Or you may want to explore being on your own for a bit longer before starting a relationship. Whenever you do have a Dom/me, start slowly and only do what is comfortable. I know that you will want to do anything to make them happy, but keep in mind that it is the sumbissive that gives up power, it is not taken from them. There cannot be enough communication between both parties.

I really admire you for overcoming the adversities you have had in your life. I know it must be difficult to have grown up as intersexed, but it is more common than you think. Also, keep in mind that the intersexed are considered holy and the closest beings on earth to God/The Great Spirit in some Native American cultures. [:)] You are a very special person, and you have my utmost respect. I really, truly hope that your new life, in BDSM or not, will be a happy and satisfying one. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.



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