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Total newbie! - 7/9/2009 1:32:30 PM

strangemelody

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/9/2009
From: Somewheres, MI
Status: offline

I’m pretty new to the world of BDSM. The last relationship that I was in (which was mostly quite sexually fulfilling, but empty on other levels) involved a lot of rough sex, never anything that could be thought of as “making love.” I enjoyed being submissive, feeling that I was being taken advantage of or forced to do things against my will. He was very good at being dominant and acting out my fantasies with me. He had no problem calling me a dirty whore and degrading me for his pleasure.

My current relationship is the complete opposite. Due to the closeness I felt with this BF, I tried to get into his (vanilla) style of sex. Of course, I was disappointed nearly every time. He called the rough sex I was used to “porn style” and said there’s a better way to do things, and that making love doesn’t have to be vanilla. Ugh. He doesn’t get it. I have needs, and I have tried to change these needs in order to make him happy. In the four months we’ve been together I’ve only had one orgasm from intercourse—it was makeup sex. God I miss my dirty sex! :(

Now I’m trying to talk to the BF about all this kinky stuff, and what my fantasies are, and what I want him to do to me. I know he thinks I’m pretty deviant, and he also thinks I choose to be this way, as if I liked making life more difficult for myself. He’s trying to be open minded though. I love him so deeply; I just wish he could understand me more. I wish he wanted to control me. The other night he was kissing me and I said, “I want you to be rough with me,” he sat up and was like, “hmm, I don’t know…” GAH, such a mood killer!

Sorry for rambling about my personal life in my intro, but I thought it would explain why I’m here—to find some people who don’t think I’m completely crazy or criminal for being who I am. Thanks for listening! :)

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RE: Total newbie! - 7/9/2009 3:31:07 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to strangemelody)

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RE: Total newbie! - 7/9/2009 3:52:59 PM

justaslut2

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline

Hi - Just wanted to tell you you're not only - I to had experienced the very same thing and as much as I loved him and tried to surpress my needs the sex and relationship suffered a slow and painful demise. I now know the kind of relationship I want , I want more than the average Alpa male one who understands and will meet my needs. So here we both are - poised and waiting I wish you luck and hope that luck shimes on both of us and we meet him soon.

(in reply to sirsholly)

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RE: Total newbie! - 7/9/2009 4:56:55 PM

Rhembein

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/8/2009
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Welcome to both of you. And neither of you is a deviant. Well... at least if you are, you're in good company.

And... sex without orgasms? Whatever the hell is the point?

_____________________________

This one is bound to love, serve, and obey.

Holding on and letting go, she just keeps giving in. No matter what He needs, her answer is always yes. He only has to dream and she does the rest.

(in reply to justaslut2)

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RE: Total newbie! - 7/9/2009 5:28:58 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhembein

Welcome to both of you. And neither of you is a deviant.

Well, damn. I'm going to go look for some REAL deviants then!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Rhembein)

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Post #: 5

RE: Total newbie! - 7/9/2009 9:07:21 PM

strangemelody

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/9/2009
From: Somewheres, MI
Status: offline

Well I'm probably not deviant enough yet...but I hope to get there ;)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Total newbie! - 7/10/2009 3:23:37 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhembein

Welcome to both of you. And neither of you is a deviant.

Well, damn. I'm going to go look for some REAL deviants then!

*hands Steven a mirror*

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 7