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RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:37:29 PM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
I still don't see how my profile is relavant to the discussion anyway


For one (amongst many) reason, you are, as you say from a SMALL country. (the concepts of long DISTANCE  and REMOTENESS  therefore being something you should consider within the discussion based on LARGE country concepts) ..... other than that (amongst others AGAIN)
You live in a city
You have a relationship
You are (allegedly) happy with where you are and what you have
I only perved your profile to find out where the small country is a lot made sense then.

I will say  ; You can't relate to or identify with anything about relationships you belittle here (if your profile content is gen) therefore your comments fall liable to scrutiny (amongst other things) on that basis alone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
I wouldn't bother getting involved with anyone too far away because I want a physical relationship as well as emotional.  Meeting now and again would just annoy me; I am not a patient woman.

So ... it wouldn't suit YOU is all we can gain from this. To my knowlege it suits a lot of people and not just on this site

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
People will do as they wish but just think; life is short.  Way too short and a year getting to know someone online that you end up not getting on with in real life is a huge waste of time and emotions and is bound to be extremely depressing.


So we should all rush into "getting to know" someone physically? I live in a SMALL country too and I could have done that easily ... chose not to and (if I say so myself)  via the medium (we started out as "friends") you condemn, pulled the most fantastic bird resident on here, privately, without too many regulars even being aware of what was happening. The woman is awesome and has the very hugest heart (bigger than mine) you ever met. Neither of us were "looking" for what we both found, but we both got caught out by each other. We have LOVE.

We got married in February gone and are both ecstatically happy at the fact  too. A host of CM "celebs" were in attendance and would have been threefold with greater notice of the event, "The Chosen One" traveled for two(whole) days to be there. The cumulative miles traveled by guests would get you 'round the world. We had guests via the phone and in waiting via the internet on the other side of the planet.

By your words you have mocked our reality, out of ignorance I accept, however if we'd been daft enough to pay attention to your variety of prejudice ... well  I'll spare the obvious, since everyone who knows either of us knows it wouldn't have made a blind difference ... Hidden Forces Were At Work

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
And for the relationships that will only ever be online, well, what can I say that I haven't said already?

You could wish them well ?

Pirate

< Message edited by JonnieBoy -- 7/15/2009 2:45:43 PM >

(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 181
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:48:43 PM   
KaityK


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JonnieBoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
I still don't see how my profile is relavant to the discussion anyway


For one (amongst many) reason, you are, as you say from a SMALL country. (the concepts of long DISTANCE  and REMOTENESS  therefore being something you should consider within the discussion based on LARGE country concepts) ..... other than that (amongst others AGAIN)
You live in a city
You have a relationship
You are (allegedly) happy with where you are and what you have
I only perved your profile to find out where the small country is a lot made sense then.

I will say  ; You can't relate to or identify with anything about relationships you belittle here (if your profile content is gen) therefore your comments fall liable to scrutiny (amongst other things) on that basis alone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
I wouldn't bother getting involved with anyone too far away because I want a physical relationship as well as emotional.  Meeting now and again would just annoy me; I am not a patient woman.

So ... it wouldn't suit YOU is all we can gain from this. To my knowlege it suits a lot of people and not just on this site

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
People will do as they wish but just think; life is short.  Way too short and a year getting to know someone online that you end up not getting on with in real life is a huge waste of time and emotions and is bound to be extremely depressing.


So we should all rush into "getting to know" someone physically? I live in a SMALL country too and I could have done that easily ... chose not to and If I say so myself, via the medium you condemn, pulled the most fantastic bird resident on here, privately, without too many regulars even being aware of what was happening.

We got married in February gone and are both ecstatically happy at the fact  too. A host of CM "celebs" were in attendance and would have been threefold with greater notice of the event, "The Chosen One" traveled for two(whole) days to be there. The cumulative miles traveled by guests would get you 'round the world. We had guests via the phone and in waiting via the internet on the other side of the planet.

By your words you have mocked our reality, out of ignorance I accept, however if we'd been daft enough to pay attention to your variety of prejudice ... well  I'll spare the obvious, since everyone who knows either of us knows it wouldn't have made a blind difference ... Hidden Forces Were At Work

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK
And for the relationships that will only ever be online, well, what can I say that I haven't said already?

You could wish them well ?

Pirate





Congratulations on your marriage.  I think I did say I wished such people well in a previous post. Forgive me, I'm on my netbook and it's dark now and I can't be bothered searching and quoting it.  I am genuinley pleased your ldr worked out for you but do you not see that for some it won't?

Obviously my opinions are my own.   Why do I need to point that out?

(in reply to JonnieBoy)
Profile   Post #: 182
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 2:53:01 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		If you don't want your opinions remarked upon, then sharing them on a message board online seems to be a counterproductive gambit . . .. . Are you new to the 'net? New to online forums?

I've been posting to online fora for about 12 years now, & this is how it is & always has been . . .. .

Don't want your ideas & opinions critiqued & peer reviewed, don't offer 'em up in these kinds of venues . . . . .

So. Now you know.

You're welcome.



quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Obviously my opinions are my own.   Why do I need to point that out?



(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 183
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 3:21:03 PM   
timmaygirl


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/4/2009
Status: offline
quote:



I am genuinley pleased your ldr worked out for you but do you not see that for some it won't?




Do you have any idea how many relationships do not work out in general?

(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 184
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 4:51:32 PM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline 		My thoughts too.

Especially ones where over anxious emphasis on the immediacy of "physical contact" hinders the development of lots of other things important to staying the distance, like ... having things in common, trust, love, babies (threw that one in to see if the wife spots it ) etc etc

Relationships do not work out ... for some. I do not see this as ldr specific and indeed I would be interested in any creditable research on the subject. (perhaps I should produce a "Pirate" version ??)

Pirate


< Message edited by JonnieBoy -- 7/15/2009 4:52:42 PM >

(in reply to timmaygirl)
Profile   Post #: 185
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 10:12:47 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		yes, husband, I spotted it (smartass :) )

edited to remove a wayward letter


< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/15/2009 10:13:40 PM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to JonnieBoy)
Profile   Post #: 186
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 11:19:04 PM   
KaityK


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

If you don't want your opinions remarked upon, then sharing them on a message board online seems to be a counterproductive gambit . . .. . Are you new to the 'net? New to online forums?

I've been posting to online fora for about 12 years now, & this is how it is & always has been . . .. .

Don't want your ideas & opinions critiqued & peer reviewed, don't offer 'em up in these kinds of venues . . . . .

So. Now you know.

You're welcome.



quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Obviously my opinions are my own.   Why do I need to point that out?






lol what? :P


(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 187
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 11:31:30 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		in other words, kaity, if you show up on a message board, and post stuff (and have a public profile).. you need to understand that not everyone is going to agree with you.  Some people will be gentle in their disagreement, some won't.  Nobody was ATTACKING you.  I'd say do some searches on certain threads if you want to see ATTACKING, but those have been pulled by the mods.  Once you post a public profile, and post on a public forum, your words are grist for the mill.

Quit being so touchy and you'll probably do fine here (although, as others have said, on THIS subject you'd be better served by qualifying that the LDR thing doesnt work FOR YOU..and quit sounding as if ANY ldr is shite)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/15/2009 11:32:31 PM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 188
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/15/2009 11:53:20 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Of course, you could just pretend like you don't know how to read or comprehend simple English, that's far more entertaining.



quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

If you don't want your opinions remarked upon, then sharing them on a message board online seems to be a counterproductive gambit . . .. . Are you new to the 'net? New to online forums?

I've been posting to online fora for about 12 years now, & this is how it is & always has been . . .. .

Don't want your ideas & opinions critiqued & peer reviewed, don't offer 'em up in these kinds of venues . . . . .

So. Now you know.

You're welcome.



quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Obviously my opinions are my own.   Why do I need to point that out?






lol what? :P




(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 189
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/16/2009 1:54:45 AM   
KaityK


Posts: 36
Joined: 6/27/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

in other words, kaity, if you show up on a message board, and post stuff (and have a public profile).. you need to understand that not everyone is going to agree with you.  Some people will be gentle in their disagreement, some won't.  Nobody was ATTACKING you.  I'd say do some searches on certain threads if you want to see ATTACKING, but those have been pulled by the mods.  Once you post a public profile, and post on a public forum, your words are grist for the mill.

Quit being so touchy and you'll probably do fine here (although, as others have said, on THIS subject you'd be better served by qualifying that the LDR thing doesnt work FOR YOU..and quit sounding as if ANY ldr is shite)


lol I don't feel like I've been 'touchy'? I know not everyone will agree. If they did then it would be quite a boring 'discussion' wouldn't it?

Where is the 'attacking' stuff come from? I never said I felt attacked? Lame that people want to discredit my opinion rather than debate it but I don't feel attacked, more amused.

Had enough of this thread now. Have fun people!

xxx

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 190
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/16/2009 2:25:20 AM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KateyCaine

i am not a negative person and hate finger-pointing, however, i am interested to find out what others' views are on this issue.


first off, we are living in a brave new world. I have 7.5 hours of class a day, not to mention all the extra studying that goes into that. despite that, I manage to spend around 5 or so hours with my fiancee every day. online relationships are no longer relegated to chat rooms. we're face to face and we talk to communicate. the dynamic is a whole lot more 'real' than what online relationships used to be. a lot of the visual and audible aspects are indistinguishable from real life. the only difference is the lack of physical contact. now our interactions over skype do not have much to do with bdsm, as to me that seems like something that requires a more physical setting. and I also would not continue an online relationship if we were not getting married and moving in together soon.

as far as people telling you what you have isn't real, why would you care what they think?


_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to KateyCaine)
Profile   Post #: 191
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/16/2009 9:23:12 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		-FR-

I think anyone who's doing long distance BDSM is roleplaying it.

I'm in a LDR - we lived together for 11 months, we've been apart for 7 since then, and when I get a permanent visa we'll be getting married.  I don't think my RELATIONSHIP is play, but I think any BDSM aspects that might come up are play.  I mean, BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism - he can't tie me up, he sure as fuck can't discipline me, and "sadomasochism" requires both the sado and the maso for it to work.

To give an analogy, like any other LDR couple, we share our fantasies and talk about sex.  That doesn't mean we're actually having sex, even if we both had an orgasm.  We're roleplaying sex, we're doing an imitation of sex, we're fantasizing and masturbating together, whatever...but it's not intercourse.

I guess a good litmus test for "is it real" (the fooling around, not the relationship itself, I'd never say someone's relationship isn't real) is, once you two live together, are you going to change the dynamic? For all those saying mutual masturbation and writing "discipline" essays is real - is that what you're going to do when you're living together?  Or is it going to change to sex and spankings?

Ironically enough, I think the people who are just looking for an online relationship are the ones who are most "real" about their BDSM play, because that's what they want. That's what they're specifically searching out. The rest of us who are just waiting for xyz to happen so we can quit the long distance, are just making do with what we have.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 192
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/16/2009 9:35:31 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK

Bringing profiles into it IS low and unnecessary. You're looking for ways to discount my opinion and you think you've found one in my profile.


Welcome to CM, love.  Actually scratch that, welcome to the internet.  No...welcome to the world.

It pisses me off to no end when I'm discussing something and the other person tries to change the topic from what we're discussing to my personal life, and tries to win the debate with ad hominem attacks.  But that's what the ignore button is for.  Seriously. You can't talk to people like that - they're so convinced of their own self righteousness they'll intentionally insult and tear down another person for disagreeing.

(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 193
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/16/2009 9:49:46 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bearly2001

i have experienced a bit of prejudice as an online-only dom.. the ultimate LDR. i smile when i see profiles, journals and postings ranting about the illegitimacy of online-only or LDR relationships. to me, it just bespeaks a close-mindedness that indicate a person who undoubtedly doesn't have the imagination, creativity, sensuality and depth to appreciate these relationships anyway. it conveys to them a false sense of validity and sanction to their perceptions and opinions. arrogance
and inflexibility will extract its toll on their possibilities unless they learn tolerance.



Experienced a bit of prejudice or given a bit of prejudice? Seriously.  I have plenty of imagination, creativity, sensuality and depth, but I'd never do an online relationship only because I can get every single thing I'd get out of an online relationship in an offline relationship - except I get sex, and snuggles, and dinner dates, and oh yeah a lifetime commitment known as marriage - and why would I want to settle for only mental stimulation when I could have the whole package?

If that's what you're looking for, it's great, go for it, I'm sure there are plenty of people who want the same.  But don't you dare say anyone who wants to meet someone, have sex, move in together, get a pet, have a family, and get married is too "closed minded" to appreciate a mental connection.  For ANY good relationship you need a mental connection.  I have a brilliant mental connection with my fiance, we've managed to last 7 months apart after living together for over a year.  So I obviously have the capability to do a LDR.  But that's not what I want out of life - I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to my husband and cooking him breakfast.

How would you feel if I said you were online only because you couldn't handle the commitment of waking up to someone every day?  Not good, eh?  Then don't say negative things about people who choose to be in face to face relationships.

(in reply to bearly2001)
Profile   Post #: 194
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/16/2009 11:19:46 PM   
Danemora


Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline 		I personally dont care for long distance or online relationships of any sort.  I especially dont care for them when it comes to BDSM.  For me, I find it very unfulfilling and completely lacking in everything that I enjoy about BDSM.

This is just my opinion on what works for me.  What doesnt work for me may work well for another.

Far be it from me to judge.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 195
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/17/2009 12:14:51 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~

To me the BDSM aspect of our relationship is secondary to the emotional investment of our relationship.  The emotional part is what sustains us.  If one or the other of us were unable to continue to participate in the BDSM side of things, that would be fine because our relationship is not based solely on BDSM.

THAT is why the LDR thing is working for us (until the UK govt agrees to let me emmigrate there)


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Danemora)
Profile   Post #: 196
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/17/2009 8:18:50 AM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

To me the BDSM aspect of our relationship is secondary to the emotional investment of our relationship.  The emotional part is what sustains us.  If one or the other of us were unable to continue to participate in the BDSM side of things, that would be fine because our relationship is not based solely on BDSM.

THAT is why the LDR thing is working for us (until the UK govt agrees to let me emmigrate there)



Word.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 197
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/17/2009 10:01:05 AM   
JonnieBoy


Posts: 1468
Joined: 4/22/2009
From: Cymru
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaityK


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

in other words, kaity, if you show up on a message board, and post stuff (and have a public profile).. you need to understand that not everyone is going to agree with you.  Some people will be gentle in their disagreement, some won't.  Nobody was ATTACKING you.  I'd say do some searches on certain threads if you want to see ATTACKING, but those have been pulled by the mods.  Once you post a public profile, and post on a public forum, your words are grist for the mill.

Quit being so touchy and you'll probably do fine here (although, as others have said, on THIS subject you'd be better served by qualifying that the LDR thing doesnt work FOR YOU..and quit sounding as if ANY ldr is shite)


lol I don't feel like I've been 'touchy'? I know not everyone will agree. If they did then it would be quite a boring 'discussion' wouldn't it?

Where is the 'attacking' stuff come from? I never said I felt attacked? Lame that people want to discredit my opinion rather than debate it but I don't feel attacked, more amused.

Had enough of this thread now. Have fun people!

xxx


Actually, your opinion has been debated, I think you are entitled to your own opinion, as do the vast majority who have addressed it, but if you feel that I am on the list of those who "want to discredit" your opinion then I would contest that.

That I am posting on a public forum allows me to freely express MY opinion (within TOS) ... which is that your opinion is ill informed and ignorant.

Every relationship, no matter what the circumstance is different, that people (such as yourself) are prejudiced about long-distance is the issue and you certainly have pre-judged.

Do you also believe that  non-long-distance relationships are never the product of peoples wishful thinking ... ie: people who are together based on each others bullshit and falsehoods with the blinkers firmly on? Living a reality thats almost entirely in their heads in denial as to where the "spark" went?

I know what the "spark" is ... I found it and we are in no doubt that it will remain. (Time will tell, you may say, we say : Yes ... it will). A "fantasist" to you I am, and you made the point boldly. In reality, even if I was (which I'm not) I would now be  living proof that fantasy can become reality !

Maybe Pirate and Flying Monkey have a unique relationship? ... I think I covered that actually (every relationship is different)

That's all folks !

Pirate
(Media rights to our "Fantasy Becomes Reality" story are up for sale ... the price is non negotiable ... 'cos weren't "fantasy" Pirates either)

(in reply to KaityK)
Profile   Post #: 198
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/17/2009 1:43:01 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I met my other half on a computer board, we lived in different countries, long distance relationship for a while until we be both moved to be together...

Prejudices? Plenty, according to friends (on both sides) it would fizzle out within 6 month, 7 years later and almost 4 of them living together, it wasn't always easy but I couldn't give a toss about the prejudices and nay-sayers!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to KateyCaine)
Profile   Post #: 199
RE: Prejudice about long-distance D/s - what do you thi... - 7/18/2009 12:46:02 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: innocentdarkness

A lot to read here in this thread, and I am going to be lazy and just skim through most of it right now, so forgive me if someone has already addressed this concept.  I want to make a comment here and now because I understand Katey and her Master's point of view, especially because I did the LDR thing for a while.  Sex and physical pain, humiliation, or whatever is not what D/s is all about, though it seems that's what many believe.  D/s is mental and emotional.  Long distance relationships have ONLY those aspects, and they are heightened because of the lack of physicality.  So to say an LDR is not a real relationship is pretty much just rubbish.  And if you think that BDSM (or any relationship) is all about sex, then maybe YOU'RE the only who's just playing.  You like kinky sex?  GREAT!  But don't come to people in this lifestyle and claim to be part of it when that is the whole of your relationship with a Dom/me or sub or slave.  You're just a person who likes it kinky.  That doesn't make you a Dom/me or sub or slave.  The most intense and meaningful part of any relationship is the emotional fulfillment you receive from being a part of it.

Katey, I wish you and your Master the best!


quote:

A lot to read here in this thread, and I am going to be lazy and just skim through most of it right now, so forgive me if someone has already addressed this concept. I want to make a comment here and now because I understand Katey and her Master's point of view, especially because I did the LDR thing for a while. Sex and physical pain, humiliation, or whatever is not what D/s is all about, though it seems that's what many believe. D/s is mental and emotional. Long distance relationships have ONLY those aspects, and they are heightened because of the lack of physicality. So to say an LDR is not a real relationship is pretty much just rubbish. And if you think that BDSM (or any relationship) is all about sex, then maybe YOU'RE the only who's just playing. You like kinky sex? GREAT! But don't come to people in this lifestyle and claim to be part of it when that is the whole of your relationship with a Dom/me or sub or slave. You're just a person who likes it kinky. That doesn't make you a Dom/me or sub or slave. The most intense and meaningful part of any relationship is the emotional fulfillment you receive from being a part of it.


Innocent,

very well said!

CP

(in reply to innocentdarkness)
Profile   Post #: 200
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