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NightTigress -> You know you are kinky when... (7/23/2009 9:17:48 PM)
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1) You keep fake hanging plants around the house, just so your mother will never know what all those hooks in the ceiling are really for
2) You have more toys than your kids
3) You take up macrame, just to learn some new knots
4) You start rating your CDs by how interesting it'll be to beat someone to
5) Someone asks how long you've been doing this ponygirl routine, and you snort
and start to stamp your foot
6) Your favourite dessert is hot crossed buns...and you don't eat sweets
7) Someone says they have a leatherman, you almost say "me too!" before you realize they are talking about the tool gadget on their belt.
8) You go to the local county fair and salivate when the horsejumps are set up.
9) You have a list by the phone for the babysitter....Hospital, Family, and 3 24-hour locksmiths.
10) You have the closest 24 hour locksmith as #1 on your speed dial list.
11) You join the SCA just so you can learn to make your own chainmail and work with leather!
12) You speak of crop rotation with someone, and they aren't a farmer.
13) You try to get arrested, just for the handcuffs , body cavity search, humiliation scene and time in the cage.
14) Avon tells you stop writing, they are not going to make eau d'leather aftershave
15) Vanilla means anything BUT a flavouring for ice cream!
16) Leather companies start giving you the wholesale to distributor discount.
17) You can't pass a candle factory without drooling (or wetting your seat)
18) You haunt the dollar stores for "pervertibles"
19) You've got a toy chest bigger than the one in your 6 year old son's room.
20) Your children ask if they can borrow your "costumes" for Halloween.
21) Your body piercings set off the metal detectors at the court house.
22) You need two separate packing and moving crews....one to pack and move the furniture and belongings, and the other to pack and move the "furniture" and "belongings".
23) You become a locksmith to avoid having to make embarrassing calls at 2 A.M.
24) escape artists come to you for advice.
25) You know the location of every tack shop in the tri-state area.
26) Your idea of getting a jump in the morning is to hook up the other end of your nipple clamp to the car battery.
27) You nearly cause an accident pulling into the lot where the sign advertises FREE TODAY HOT WAX before you realize it's a car wash.
28) You cannot get through the opening lines of "Green Eggs and Ham" (I Am Sam, Sam I Am) without giggling hysterically.
29) Your attitude is "electricity, not just a utility, but a way of life".
30) You consider filing a lawsuit for false advertising when the pizza place has a sign for HOT GREEK-STYLE SUBS but they wouldn't bend over to please you.
31) The hospital lists you as a triage centre, since you're better equipped than the ER.
32) You buy clothespins in the supersize family economy bags, and you don't have a family or a clothesline.
33) There's enough rope in your bedroom to scale Mt. Everest.
34) getting tattooed and pierced is merely foreplay.
35) You bought a souvenir replica of the Washington Memorial because you were
too cheap to go to the adult store and get a real butt plug.
36) You take advantage of the needle exchange program in your city and you have never used intravenous drugs in your entire life.
37) When you're told your brother-in-law is pussy-whipped, it takes you a moment to realize that doesn't necessarily mean he's transgendered.
38) Someone calls your wife a slut and you thank them.
39) Nose to the grindstone is an orgasmic abrasion fantasy.
40) Investing in stocks and bonds means refurbishing the play area.
41) You overhear your neighbour training his dog to sit, beg, play dead, roll over; and find yourself obeying quicker than the dog does.
42) You need to rent a U-Haul to get your toys to the play party.
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