Non-BDSM humor

Non-BDSM humor (Full Version)

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iwillserveu -> Non-BDSM humor (3/13/2004 12:50:28 PM)
The Pope with a chair, a Rabbi with a stepladder, and a blond with a light bulb walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some sort of joke?"

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/13/2004 1:45:10 PM)
What do you call 40 women with PMS and yeast infections? A whine and cheese party.

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/13/2004 1:48:06 PM)
What is the difference between Sir Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? Mic says, "Hey, You! Get off of my cloud." The Scottish farmer says, "Hey, MacCloud! Get off of my ewe."

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/13/2004 1:55:57 PM)
A man is lost and asks a boy on a side street directions. (No, a man actually asking directions is not the joke![:D]) He says, "Excuse me, how do you get to M-M-M-M-main street. I'm-m-m-m looking for the M-M-M-M-Mariot." The boy just stared at him. The man says, "Excuse me, how do you get to M-M-M-M-main street. I'm-m-m-m looking for the M-M-M-M-Mariot." The boy just stared at him. Fed up the man says, "Just because I stutter doesn't m-m-m-mean I have nothing to say." Then he drives off to find a more helpful person. The boy's Mother was watching from a window and says, "Billy, why didn't you help that man?" Billy says, "I didn't want him to think I was m-m-m-m-making fun of him, M-M-M-M-Mom."

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/15/2004 2:11:08 PM)
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he shows him the smallest human playing the smallest piano can he get free drink. The bartender agrees and the man pulls out a miniature piano and stool and a 12 inch piano player starts playing. "Incredible," says the bartender. "What's the secret?" The man explains that he found a magic lamp and got one wish and won't be using the other two. The bartender knowing a good deal when he sees one offers the man another free drink for the lamp. When the man agrees the bartender rubs the lamp and the genie comes out. "I wish for a million bucks," says the bartender. "Your wish is my command," says the genie and as he disappears a million ducks start to fall from the ceiling. The customer says, "You don't think I wished for a 12 inch pianist, do you?"

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/15/2004 2:16:58 PM)
A guy at a bar is complaining to the guy next to him. He points out a window and says, "You see that house? I built it. I've built thousands of houses. Do they call me 'Joe the house builder'? No, of course not." Then he points at the pool table. "See that table? I can beat any man born of woman on that table. Do they call me 'Joe the pool player'? No, that might make sense. Then he says, "Just one sheep..."

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/15/2004 2:25:45 PM)
It is John's first day at work. He says "Hi, Pete" in front of the bosses office. The boss got went to set him straight on office protocol. "Get this straight, Bozo. We use last names here. It is more professional. That is "Stevenson", and "Medeiros" over there, not "Bill" and "Mike". I am Mr. "Johnson", not "Joe". You got that?" "Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson," said John. "Good," said Mr. Johnson. "What is your name again?" John replied, "John Darling." "I hope that clears things up for you, John," says Mr. Johnson.

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/18/2004 5:13:36 PM)
What will give Michael Jackson if he molests one more child? A parish. (Yeah, I'm allegedly a Catholic, so it is OK.)

belongtoyou -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/20/2004 11:26:55 PM)
so, iwill, do you get a cape once you become a "Super User" ??? seriously curious, ~rain~

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/21/2004 4:55:47 PM)
No, but you can fly around in your underwear.[:D]

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/22/2004 2:09:58 PM)
If you call the psychological hot line you get a menu of choices Press one repeatedly if you are compulsive. Press two even though there is no hope if you are depressed. Press three and then four if you have multiple personality disorder. Don't press anything, just stay on the line so we can trace the call if you are paranoid.. Otherwise just hit the numbers the voices in your head say to.

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/28/2004 5:10:43 PM)
A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of Whiskey and a beer. Before the bartender can go he slams them down and asks for another. Before the bartender can go, he drinks them and asks for another round. While he is pouring the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" The man say, "You'd drink fast too if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" The man replies, "Seventy-eight cents."

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/28/2004 5:16:20 PM)
A man is sullenly drinking at a bar and his freind comes over and asks him what is wrong. "Lisa left me because I peed in the shower," he said. His friend started to say that's aweful but then thought about it. "How did she know?" he asked. "Well," the sullen man said, "I was watching the game and having a beer. You know how beer is never bought, only rented? Anyway I had to pee. I didn't know she was in the shower."

iwillserveu -> RE: Non-BDSM humor (3/28/2004 5:20:46 PM)
A sad man is drowning his sorrows in a bar. His friend walks up and asks what is wrong. "Man," he says, "It's my mother-in-law." His friend says, "We all got mother-in-law problems. Care to talk about it." "Yeah," the sad man says, "She got pregnant."

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