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broken hearted switch - 7/25/2009 4:45:41 AM

UrbanSpider

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as i mend a broken heart i am feeling more and more dom as i get through it Is this normal

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/25/2009 7:05:06 AM

Level

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"It" is, whatever it is. Normal.... eh, that's just an illusion.

You're probably hurt, so you're wanting to exert more control in your life, to prevent being hurt again. Maybe.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/25/2009 7:17:27 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider

as i mend a broken heart i am feeling more and more dom as i get through it Is this normal

Ask yourself if the increasing feelings (ie need for control) are so you will not be hurt again.

If that is the case, time will help.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/25/2009 7:11:49 PM

Loki45

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider
as i mend a broken heart i am feeling more and more dom as i get through it Is this normal

Depends on how you define normal.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/26/2009 9:25:19 AM

Elipsis

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I'd agree with some of the other people. Wanting to submit to someone again after your heart gets broken doesn't come as quickly as wanting to take control.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/27/2009 3:29:36 PM

NalQ

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everyone is normal untill you get to know them,

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/27/2009 4:11:44 PM

LotusSong

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Never dominate out of hurt or anger. A dominat must be master of themselve before they can master another.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/27/2009 7:21:45 PM

Elipsis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Never dominate out of hurt or anger. A dominat must be master of themselve before they can master another.

Well said.

(Minus the typos.)

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RE: broken hearted switch - 7/28/2009 5:28:06 PM

Aine

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I'm not sure that I would necessarily equate what you are felling (personally) with being or feeling more dominant in a wholly BDSM sense. I can definitely understand the feeling of lost control over the situation, the situation passing and moving on with it, one wants to gain some sense of control back into their life.

That's absolutely natural, and just plain human. Feelings and emotions are running from high to low and back again, and it makes us feel a bit dizzy and lost even on our best days. Time, and recognizing your feelings, and having a conscious thought about them is part of getting over and moving on from whatever happened.

Always keep in mind that to do something on emotional impulse isn't always the best idea, and to keep in the back of your mind while you work through this, is to just take a step back, take a few breaths and just think about things as a whole.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 8/20/2009 10:00:21 PM

epepincanada

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well I would say if you were hurt by a dominant or mainly dominant switch then it might be normal for you to take on the role which eliminates the possibility of that hurt reocuring. I am hardly a phsycologist though, and ouch i must have butchered that spelling

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RE: broken hearted switch - 8/21/2009 5:56:19 AM

fadedshadow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

"It" is, whatever it is. Normal.... eh, that's just an illusion.

You're probably hurt, so you're wanting to exert more control in your life, to prevent being hurt again. Maybe.

i agree

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/6/2009 8:05:01 PM

Steelslilbit

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You're reaction in taking more control after being burned? Having gone through heartbreak before, imo it's not "abnormal" at all. What helped me the most was taking the time to let myself heal, and getting reaquainted with where my head was (what i wanted, who i was, what i was looking for). i'd definitely agree, never dominate out of anger/fear/whatever. That's a dangerous thing indeed. In my own "switchness" at the time i was better off having the control over my life and giving myself a chance to get right in my own mind before i submitted to someone anyone. But now i'm so so totally grateful for Steel, and now having Him and my sister andi to lean on......

~sends some luv~
Keep your chin up hon. We're all rooting for ya.

lil bit

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/6/2009 8:35:40 PM

osufan25

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Becoming dominant after a break-up is a feeling of protecting oneself. At that stage we are most vulnerable to be hurt, and that case helps to heal our wounds.

I am sorry you hurt. I am going through the same thing only differently.

(in reply to UrbanSpider)

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/13/2009 3:09:44 AM

SoulAlloy

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It's possible, I certainly felt like that in my better moments - in the lower it was wanting someone else to take control and send me to a place where I could forget about everything, even if only for a little while.

I agree that 'normal' is an illusion. I think Aine summed it up quite well:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I'm not sure that I would necessarily equate what you are felling (personally) with being or feeling more dominant in a wholly BDSM sense. I can definitely understand the feeling of lost control over the situation, the situation passing and moving on with it, one wants to gain some sense of control back into their life.

That's absolutely natural, and just plain human. Feelings and emotions are running from high to low and back again, and it makes us feel a bit dizzy and lost even on our best days. Time, and recognizing your feelings, and having a conscious thought about them is part of getting over and moving on from whatever happened.

Always keep in mind that to do something on emotional impulse isn't always the best idea, and to keep in the back of your mind while you work through this, is to just take a step back, take a few breaths and just think about things as a whole.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/13/2009 7:23:36 AM

impishlilhellcat

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I agree with pretty much what has been said here before myself... you've just been hurt emotionally you really don't want to go through that again so in a sense you are thinking if you relinquish control less and maintain it more often that you won't get hurt again or that you'll be able to control the amount of pain whether it's emotional or physical. It could very well be a defense mechanism or you really could just be leaning to the more Dominant side of things as far as normal.... who wants to be normal it really is over-rated!

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/14/2009 3:16:33 AM

dominomask

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Well, I can relate. Those times when I've been through a breakup (or down for some other reason) recovery does involve a period of self-reassertion where I mend anything that was injured in the calamity and toss out any useless fears or insecurities the trauma left lying around. It's the process of moving from a mindset of powerlessness to one of choice. A good mantra is "I'm fantastic, and it's a shame that you'll be missing out on me, dearie."

So yeah, definitely a Dommie frame of mind, and not because of anger or other emo. I don't think it's dangerous.

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/14/2009 6:04:59 AM

CarrieO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider

as i mend a broken heart i am feeling more and more dom as i get through it Is this normal

Well, in looking at your profile, it appears you've decided to identify as a dominant. My question to you is, by saying you're feeling more "dom" as you get through a break-up is it that you want to have more control over others or more control over yourself? The desire to take back control of yourself makes complete sense to me.

Wanting to explore the dom side of yourself is understandable, just be sure your desire to control is coming from a positive place and not because you want some sort of payback. Make sense?

FWIW...this late in the game. You haven't been back to respond to the replies in almost 1 1/2 months so maybe you found your own answer. I hope so.

*edited to add....normal is relative. My normal may not be your normal.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 9/14/2009 6:28:33 AM >

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/14/2009 7:03:17 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider

as i mend a broken heart i am feeling more and more dom as i get through it Is this normal

pain and frustration can be the catalyst for unveiling the other nature. while some use it as a shield to prevent further hurt. only you'll know which applies. you'd need to see if the desires were present before the hurt occurred. i can admit there are moments when i'm very tempted to lay aside my slavery and switch or merely move to the dominant end altogether. it is a balancing act and you have to consider if feeding one will cause longing on the other side. if that occurs is it something you can satisfy or live with if that isn't possible.

porcelaine

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RE: broken hearted switch - 9/14/2009 6:44:28 PM

learning2sub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider

as i mend a broken heart i am feeling more and more dom as i get through it Is this normal

pain and frustration can be the catalyst for unveiling the other nature. while some use it as a shield to prevent further hurt. only you'll know which applies. you'd need to see if the desires were present before the hurt occurred. i can admit there are moments when i'm very tempted to lay aside my slavery and switch or merely move to the dominant end altogether. it is a balancing act and you have to consider if feeding one will cause longing on the other side. if that occurs is it something you can satisfy or live with if that isn't possible.

porcelaine

I couldn't agree more. I've been struggling with similar issues myself, of late. I have a very dominant personality yet crave to be submissive for the right man. Still... I wonder if being a switch might be my calling. Time will tell. *sends comfort to help you heal*

(in reply to porcelaine)

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