If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you a switch if you bottom 5 percent of the time?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you a switch if you bottom 5 percent of the time?

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If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you a sw... - 7/26/2009 6:11:51 PM

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I looked at other similar threads, but my situation is that I have always identified as a dominant for the past ten years. It isn't just a bedroom orientation anymore either.

Here's how it evolved: I used to be pretty submissive in my relationships when I was vanilla and a young adult. I would mould myself to what I thought my partner wanted. Then I found that being dominant in the bedroom was arousing and a nice "switch" from the rest of my vanilla life.

Now, I know I am controlling and like to be the one in charge in a relationship; however, I enjoy bottoming on occasion as learning experience and to show off my strength. If I can dish it out, I should be able to take, right? In addition, I enjoy both "pony space" and being a trainer in human equine play. Still, my bottoming or forays into pony space are relatively rare and I could do without them.

When I am ready to seek a relationship again, I wonder if I should label myself as a switch or a dominant? I would rather be with a submissive or a switch who prefers to be submissive 95 percent of the time.

I appreciate your time in reading this, and your feedback.

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 7/26/2009 7:03:35 PM

Level

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Yes, in my mind, that would make you a switch. Now, there are certainly those that identify as dominant, who also enjoy bottoming, and they do not consider themselves switches. I just think you'd have an easier time finding someone willing to accept the bottoming if they see you as a switch.

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(in reply to QuixoticOtaku)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 7/26/2009 7:40:55 PM

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It all depends on what you're looking for. If you want someone who is a switch, you should identity as a switch. If you want someone who is more submissive, you should just call yourself a dom. imo

(in reply to Level)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 7/26/2009 7:52:46 PM

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I list myself as a sub, and then call myself a "mostly submissive switch" in my profile. This works for me since I'm seeking a dom male and am not really interested in submissives.

So...perhaps that kinda of strategy might work for you as well.

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Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

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RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 7/26/2009 8:02:42 PM

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If a so called "DOM" wants a sub to spit in HIS face and slap HIM in HIS FACE.. is HE still a DOM,,? and yes a (real life scene)???????? HE/IT knows who HE is!

(in reply to daintydimples)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/30/2009 9:16:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: QuixoticOtaku

Now, I know I am controlling and like to be the one in charge in a relationship; however, I enjoy bottoming on occasion as learning experience and to show off my strength.... Still, my bottoming or forays into pony space are relatively rare and I could do without them.

When I am ready to seek a relationship again, I wonder if I should label myself as a switch or a dominant? I would rather be with a submissive or a switch who prefers to be submissive 95 percent of the time.

If you like to occasionally bottom without actually switching D/s roles, I would suggest identifying yourself as a dominant looking for a submissive leaning switch or a sub who is comfortable service topping on occasion. Even if it's something you rarely do and "could do without them", why do without if you enjoy it? I am always dominant with my male subs but finding one who can cater to my maso desires once is a while works best for me, and may be the type of person you are looking for as well.

(in reply to QuixoticOtaku)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/30/2009 1:27:13 PM

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I personally would label you as a switch because I like men who are dominant all the time and don't ever change their role because I am submissive all of the time to my partner. I don't ever take a dominant role with him.

If I was talking to you and you said you were dominant and then I found out you liked to switch even for 5% of the time and you wanted me to be able to meet that side of you I would feel burdened and it would be upsetting to me to have to do that.

So yes I think you should label yourself as a switch and then explain in your profile as to your situation.

(in reply to BotanicalMiss)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 3:57:13 AM

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Hmm, good question and nice answers. I was actually going to ask this question myself, except that I am submissive 95% of the time, and being dominant can be a fairly rare occurrence. I figured it was just easiest to label myself as a switch, but then I thought, hell, the reason why I dominate isn't because I personally want to, it's because it is requested that I dominate. I can do it, and mayhaps enjoy it a little, but in doing so I know I enjoy it more because it is making my Mistress happy.

So, if I dominate my Mistress because Mistress asked me to, does that make me a dominant?

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RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 4:35:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight

Hmm, good question and nice answers. I was actually going to ask this question myself, except that I am submissive 95% of the time, and being dominant can be a fairly rare occurrence. I figured it was just easiest to label myself as a switch, but then I thought, hell, the reason why I dominate isn't because I personally want to, it's because it is requested that I dominate. I can do it, and mayhaps enjoy it a little, but in doing so I know I enjoy it more because it is making my Mistress happy.

So, if I dominate my Mistress because Mistress asked me to, does that make me a dominant?

No. It makes you a good, obedient sub with a Mistress who likes to be topped on occasion. JMO

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RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 7:55:07 AM

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These points are where definitions get all sorts of hinkey.
The way you expressed your needs and desires strikes me as pretty clear.
Personally, because I don't desire to change my orientation every 5 seconds, I tend to go toward more inclusive labels even if I fit the criteria for some aspect only a small portion of the time. Example: I identify as bi. Why? Well, because I had a female go down on me once and because I sometimes find females attractive (Though I like breasts and the idea of gettin' ahold of them far more than the idea of going down on a female which, quite frankly, has minimal appeal). I'm a Kinsey-scale definer.
But, as with anything else, communication is key and compatibility is as well.
That having been said, there are lots and lots of people who will hold identifying as what they perceive as a not real or a fence-walker sort like a switch, like bi- against you; I know I have encountered that. My answer is that they lack understanding and are not for me and that's okay.
Best wishes to you.
Davan

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(in reply to daintydimples)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 8:03:03 AM

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Midori uses the label "masochistic dominant" to describe your kind of situation. I see nothing wrong with using "Dominant" on your profile, and mentioning your masochistic tendencies either in the profile, or after the initial contact.

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 9:15:32 AM

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I generally think of myself as human. I tend to see humans as generalists, not specialists. Towards that end, I don't bother in getting all wrapped up in this sort of thing. I "dom" Carol in the sense that I run our entire marriage including all aspects of her life. Sometimes I don't feel like it and put her in charge. Sometimes I put her in charge in the bedroom, sometimes outside the bedroom. Does that make me a switch or just plain lazy? *laughs*

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to QuixoticOtaku)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 5:48:44 PM

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seems to me the 5% is just pleasing your partner.....but hey whatda i know?

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 8/31/2009 5:50:57 PM

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If we're gonna slap a label on it, then sure. Of course, there is the possibility even when bottoming to be in control of the scene. Further, I don't know why the assumptions that the person plans to bottom to the person who is normally sub to them. More than likely this will happen with another partner. Further, who says the sub isn't sub 95% of the time and tops the other 5%? I don't like labels because they don't stick very well.

lovingpet

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 9/2/2009 4:06:21 AM

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I am starting to have problems with labels in general. Do what you like to do, how you like to do it, as much as you like to do it.

(in reply to lovingpet)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 11/1/2009 4:25:52 PM

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You said this "When I am ready to seek a relationship again, I wonder if I should label myself" Do you hear yourself when I paste it like this?

Im not big on labeling ourselves. We change throughout our lifetimes. Although you will always be You, you may find yourself changing in your thinking. Just put yourself out there for your entire life, but don't label yourself. Its alwasy happier to find and experience New things. I may know myself, but I may also grow by meeting someone who I never would have thought I'd be friends/lovers with. What the heck.

(in reply to QuixoticOtaku)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 11/1/2009 6:13:55 PM

impishlilhellcat

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I personal tend to think that it doesn't really matter much what you label yourself as, as long as you make it clear as to what you are seeking and what your expectations in any future relationships are.

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RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 11/2/2009 3:35:39 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Midori uses the label "masochistic dominant" to describe your kind of situation. I see nothing wrong with using "Dominant" on your profile, and mentioning your masochistic tendencies either in the profile, or after the initial contact.

I didn't see masochist anywhere on his post. I saw occasional submissive as pony boy. Having been a pony Mistress for years I have a good understanding of a pony mind and that mindset is possibly one of the most submissive I have ever had the pleasure of playing with. I haven't yet come across a masochistic pony (though I am sure they are around). Pony play works around absolute control and trust.

As for the op... the hardest part in this for you is captivating someones interest. Once you have done that it doesn't matter what you are so long as you both embrace it.

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(in reply to Andalusite)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 11/2/2009 12:23:42 PM

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I would only consider someone a switch if they did both roles on a fairly consistent basis. If you are dominant the overwhelming majority of the time, I would say you're a dominant. That's just my take on it though.

I agree with Impishhellcat. I'm not really that big on labels. While they have a purpose, they most often don't tell the whole story either.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

RE: If you're 95 percent of the time Dominant, are you ... - 11/2/2009 6:42:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
I didn't see masochist anywhere on his post. I saw occasional submissive as pony boy. Having been a pony Mistress for years I have a good understanding of a pony mind and that mindset is possibly one of the most submissive I have ever had the pleasure of playing with. I haven't yet come across a masochistic pony (though I am sure they are around). Pony play works around absolute control and trust.

In his OP, he said that he occasionally bottoms, so I assumed that he was masochistic, as well as having forays into "pony space."

I've incorporated pony play (as a trainer and as a pony) a couple of times into BDSM. For me, pony play (as the pony) was pretty similar to kitty play - not particularly about trust or control, but more being a bit primal and animalistic. It tends to take up a lot more space than kitty play, and it's harder to just naturally incorporate into a scene. I tend to have more vanilla "pony" moments, running through dressage tests, sometimes popping over small fences, etc. It's fun, rather than kinky for me. Heck, I've even had a couple of regular horseback riding instructors deliberately incorporate it into a group lesson at a riding "camp" (not staying over, just an intensive session), and getting scolded if I "chipped in." We even had a "puissance" competition (to see who could jump over the biggest fence). I've seen similar events (dressage or jumping) listed at actual horse shows. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De0vL53EDgU

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 11/2/2009 6:53:56 PM >

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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