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RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 7:46:19 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Well, I once had a jealous woman who always said I was messing around. She was right.


ok.. maybe an inappropriate response to this but i read this and i BUSTED out laughing... gads You're not my 'x' are You?


Unfortunately, I don't know you in the Biblical sense that well. I sure wouldn't have messed around on you either. Anyone who posts on message boards is no one to mess with.


_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 7:49:40 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		Rampant unjustified jealousy is one thing and I wouldn't endure it.

But alot of people use jealousy as a way of diverting the blame on the person suspecting bad behaviour of the other. In order to make them think there is something wrong with them, and they should put a cap on there intuition. Most common would be cheating. I've seen this several time and have experienced it myself.

In my parents relationship, my step-mother suspected something was wrong, and that my dad was cheating. Well, he would say, oh your being jealous, I just have been working late etc..... And laugh it off. Well, a year later, it was discovered that he had been cheating, and divorce. That appeared as jealousy, but since it was correct it wasn't. I was seeing a girl in college and she started hanging out with this other guy more than normal, I said something about it, Oh your just being jealous, she said. Well, a few weeks later it was found out. Anyway, it's about 50/50 from circumstances I've seen when people that were displaying jealousy, were right on the money. So, just writing it off as a personal issue isn't always the case. And my golden rule on the subject is if someone does just right off a feeling I might have, it is more likely my feelings where correct than not. Why would someone write off something like that, unless it was true?

So, since jealousy is only jealousy when it's not found out to be true, otherwise it's called being observant of strange behaviour in your partner. So, I've displayed jealous behaviour, but to this day it's never been unjustified. So, now, if I have those feelings, and explanations aren't given for the weird behaviours, that prompted those emotions. I'll quickly get out.

That being said there is a difference between normal jealousy, which is just questioning what you'd perceive as odd unexplained behaviour that implies something is not right with the situation and leads you to ask questions like "Where were you after work last night". And extreme jealousy, where every phone call is monitored etc... Though sometimes in those circumstances there is a history between them, that isn't readily disclosed to outsiders. I wouldn't never endure a long-term jealous relationship, but a small bout of jealousy, is normal.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 7:54:01 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedToUseYou

Rampant unjustified jealousy is one thing and I wouldn't endure it.

But alot of people use jealousy as a way of diverting the blame on the person suspecting bad behaviour of the other. In order to make them think there is something wrong with them, and they should put a cap on there intuition. Most common would be cheating. I've seen this several time and have experienced it myself.

In my parents relationship, my step-mother suspected something was wrong, and that my dad was cheating. Well, he would say, oh your being jealous, I just have been working late etc..... And laugh it off. Well, a year later, it was discovered that he had been cheating, and divorce. That appeared as jealousy, but since it was correct it wasn't. I was seeing a girl in college and she started hanging out with this other guy more than normal, I said something about it, Oh your just being jealous, she said. Well, a few weeks later it was found out. Anyway, it's about 50/50 from circumstances I've seen when people that were displaying jealousy, were right on the money. So, just writing it off as a personal issue isn't always the case. And my golden rule on the subject is if someone does just right off a feeling I might have, it is more likely my feelings where correct than not. Why would someone write off something like that, unless it was true?

So, since jealousy is only jealousy when it's not found out to be true, otherwise it's called being observant of strange behaviour in your partner. So, I've displayed jealous behaviour, but to this day it's never been unjustified. So, now, if I have those feelings, and explanations aren't given for the weird behaviours, that prompted those emotions. I'll quickly get out.

That being said there is a difference between normal jealousy, which is just questioning what you'd perceive as odd unexplained behaviour that implies something is not right with the situation and leads you to ask questions like "Where were you after work last night". And extreme jealousy, where every phone call is monitored etc... Though sometimes in those circumstances there is a history between them, that isn't readily disclosed to outsiders. I wouldn't never endure a long-term jealous relationship, but a small bout of jealousy, is normal.


You hit the nail right on the head!! thank You!

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 8:06:53 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, my favorite line was, "You are just being jealous." (Curly laugh insert here)

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 8:11:20 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		damn i KNEW i wasn't entirely crazy!!! (ok partially yes)

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 8:20:19 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Since, I’m on this bent of saying the antithesis of the PC posts on this thread, I’ll continue from a male Dom's view if you will bear with me. Many subs want a jealous Dom who doesn’t allow them to talk to other guys and so on. Some Doms will not allow their subs to have eye contact with other Doms and other things like that. Some subs desire and expect to be questioned about their conversations, spied on and have their privacy taken away. Reality.

Would I do it? In a very mild way if anything because it is too tiring and paranoid-like. I would be bored stupid always spying on someone, but I do know there is a type sub that wants this very much.


_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 8:22:59 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

damn i KNEW i wasn't entirely crazy!!! (ok partially yes)


How could you be crazy, you're "angelic", remember

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 8:25:40 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedToUseYou


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

damn i KNEW i wasn't entirely crazy!!! (ok partially yes)


How could you be crazy, you're "angelic", remember


*adjusts the halo over the horns*


_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:08:02 AM   
Sartoris32801


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

what I am saying to you is that you DO have the power to change it. Learn where it is coming from and try to find the way to win the battle.


Well said!

angelic, you need to take time to learn about who you are, invest in making you a better person for you and no one else. Use the jealousy to come to a deep fundamental understanding of who you are.

Why do you become angry, obsessed filled with fevered hate and revenge over another persons actions or what you percieved those actions to be?
Stop the destructive reoccurring behavior by learning where it is coming from. You do not have the power to stop anothers actions. You do not have control over that. You do have the power to come to an understanding of who you are. It's not as difficult as you might think.

The alternative is to live a life of feeling helpless, angry, violated, trying to control situations that are beyond your control and send you into self doubt, perhaps even rage.

The answer is basic, learn to love you.. love yourself more, getting there is not simple but you do have the POWER to do so.

Sartoris

_____________________________

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:23:01 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Sartoris32801)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:32:43 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

But alot of people use jealousy as a way of diverting the blame on the person suspecting bad behaviour of the other. In order to make them think there is something wrong with them, and they should put a cap on there intuition. Most common would be cheating. I've seen this several time and have experienced it myself.


Very good point NTUY.

I am reminded of the old saying; A horse thief is always afraid that someone will steal his horse.

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 2/21/2006 9:35:01 AM >

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:34:40 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.


Some people aren't good at breaking up. What they fail to realize is that they make everything worse when casually tossing someone aside. There's no answer here, just be careful whom you get involved with.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:42:32 AM   
Sartoris32801


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.


Beyond yours or anyone else's control

quote:

personally for me... i have a jealous personality.. is it a flaw? absolutely...i have many of them thank goodness... am i insecure??? absolutely!!! does that make me less worthy or deserved to be tossed to the curb because of it? absolutely not!... i'm worth the effort!


Once again beyond your control. The "does that make me less worthy.." portion of your statement.

Sartoris

_____________________________

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:48:21 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sartoris32801


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.


Beyond yours or anyone else's control

quote:

personally for me... i have a jealous personality.. is it a flaw? absolutely...i have many of them thank goodness... am i insecure??? absolutely!!! does that make me less worthy or deserved to be tossed to the curb because of it? absolutely not!... i'm worth the effort!


Once again beyond your control. The "does that make me less worthy.." portion of your statement.

Sartoris


what about the 'less worthy' portion of my statement?


_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Sartoris32801)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:49:45 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.


i'm still with you on that one. The answer why? It's easier.
(yes, sometimes it is necessary in those extreme cases or if after working a bit there is no expressed desire on the submissive to improve).

By the way, when i give, i also give 100%. What i do, i do for Master, because he wants it. There is no "except that part." (Trust me, or this past weekend would have been much different!). When there is an "except that part," full slavery does not exist. (adds the necessary disclaimers of, "as it stands for me" or "in my opinion"). What good is his control if i am selective about it? But that's for a different thread....

Back to the jealousy/envy, many of us look like we're going on vacation with all the baggage we're lugging around. It is up to the Master/Mistress to discover this BEFORE taking ownership (why i tend to be against "quick collaring"), and decide if the submissive has enough potential that is worth investing in. As Master said to me just last night, He didn't know we would work out at first, because of my issues. But he saw in me a desire to work past it and to please him, so he weighed the risk and moved forward. i knew going into it that there were other girls. It made me very uneasy, because of things that happened in my past. But something about him compelled me to him anyway. He knew how i felt. He did not tolerate the jealous behavior and squelched it quickly, but also understood that just because i behave appropriately did not mean i was "over" my pains, so he would continue to monitor my emotions regarding that subject. He also didn't use something that triggered emotional traumas as a way of amusing himself.

So, angelic, it depends on the Dominant (as it stands for me, in my opinion, insert your opinion here, good while the sale lasts....).

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 9:55:45 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.


i'm still with you on that one. The answer why? It's easier.
(yes, sometimes it is necessary in those extreme cases or if after working a bit there is no expressed desire on the submissive to improve).

By the way, when i give, i also give 100%. What i do, i do for Master, because he wants it. There is no "except that part." (Trust me, or this past weekend would have been much different!). When there is an "except that part," full slavery does not exist. (adds the necessary disclaimers of, "as it stands for me" or "in my opinion"). What good is his control if i am selective about it? But that's for a different thread....

Back to the jealousy/envy, many of us look like we're going on vacation with all the baggage we're lugging around. It is up to the Master/Mistress to discover this BEFORE taking ownership (why i tend to be against "quick collaring"), and decide if the submissive has enough potential that is worth investing in. As Master said to me just last night, He didn't know we would work out at first, because of my issues. But he saw in me a desire to work past it and to please him, so he weighed the risk and moved forward. i knew going into it that there were other girls. It made me very uneasy, because of things that happened in my past. But something about him compelled me to him anyway. He knew how i felt. He did not tolerate the jealous behavior and squelched it quickly, but also understood that just because i behave appropriately did not mean i was "over" my pains, so he would continue to monitor my emotions regarding that subject. He also didn't use something that triggered emotional traumas as a way of amusing himself.

So, angelic, it depends on the Dominant (as it stands for me, in my opinion, insert your opinion here, good while the sale lasts....).



owned... you have a great One and He so does He!!! I'M JEALOUS!!!


_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 10:10:59 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

owned... you have a great One and He so does He!!! I'M JEALOUS!!!



LOL well now that i am not jealous anymore, come join us!!! ~ grin ~

Yes, i'm afraid i must concur that i think he is great Thank you for your kind words, however.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 10:18:37 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Since, I’m on this bent of saying the antithesis of the PC posts on this thread, I’ll continue from a male Dom's view if you will bear with me. Many subs want a jealous Dom who doesn’t allow them to talk to other guys and so on. Some Doms will not allow their subs to have eye contact with other Doms and other things like that. Some subs desire and expect to be questioned about their conversations, spied on and have their privacy taken away. Reality.

Would I do it? In a very mild way if anything because it is too tiring and paranoid-like. I would be bored stupid always spying on someone, but I do know there is a type sub that wants this very much.



Thank you ExistentialSteel.

I was wondering when this part was going to pop up...

But now that you answered what SOME subs look for .... as far as a jealous Dom... what about the ones that DON"T want a jealous Dom?

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 10:23:31 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

ok... i'm going to repeat this again... i started this thread because of the offhanded way 'one was easily tossed aside'... and i questioned it.


Some people aren't good at breaking up. What they fail to realize is that they make everything worse when casually tossing someone aside. There's no answer here, just be careful whom you get involved with.


That is crazy. You do not make anything worse, unless you care to bring to the table some examples. If the girl is filled with rampant jealousy, she has issues. Period. Baggage, whatever. Her baggage is not My problem. I am not her shrink. If she is a headcase perhaps she needs professional help, or she needs personal time to reflect. I am not the one who is going to sit there using My resources to be her shrink when there are so many people to replace her.

It does not make anything worse. My example is Myself. I used to be jealous in My marriage. When My marriage self-destructed I had time for reflection. I fixed the problem and then I moved on. It ended up working out for the best. If she turns into more of a headcase because you kicked her to the curb, then too bad for her. Why on earth would you want someone like that in your life? That says that you have issues. If she self-destructs because you kicked her to the curb because she is a headcase then that is not your problem. That is her problem and she is going to have to learn to live with it.

I use she in My statements because I am male, obviously. Replace with he where appropriate.

Sorry, but those are the cold hard facts. Headcases do not make for good relationships. More often than not, trying to change them is a destructive venture that just makes things worse, so if anything the reverse of your statement is true. The rule is that you have to love someone for who they are, not who you want them to be. If you do manage by some fluke to get them to change then you got very lucky.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Jealousy - 2/21/2006 10:37:56 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		All due respect but you take quite a leap from average jealousy issues which can be worked through vs. "head case." Naturally, everyone is entitle to their own opinions. Maybe you're one of those "ready made slave" types.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 2/21/2006 10:38:17 AM >

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 100
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