2BeMarriedNOwned -> RE: Questions questions questions The worng word (2/21/2006 11:24:01 AM)
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What a diverse group of people. I would like you to know that "breaking" may have been the wrong word. I guess from the posts, I would change the word and issue, to conditioning. I was seduced into the lifestle, for I fell in love, hopelessly and Mistress knew it. I began my training by just carrying her books. As time went on, I was lured into doing more. The power of love (or in heat) was overwhelming. I would do whatever she wanted in the beginning to make her happy. If she was not happy that was not a good thing. As time went on the whip and padel and the ST Andrews Cross where added as punishment and conditoing. If I was caught flirting I was put on the cross until my arms were tired. Then Mistress would beat me, pet me, love me, all the while she was saying to me . "You will not flirt again" It displeases me, the beating would continue, my penis was played with and balls squeezed until I repeated back to her what she was saying to me. Then I would beg her to stop. By the time she was done... I GOT IT! I would not flirt again, or at least I would not get caught again. (being honest here) I began to fear what she called discipline-punishment sessions. Play sessions were play. She skilfully mixed pleasure and pain to become mixed in my brain. I did at times fear her when she said I needed a discipline-punishment session. She did make me cry and sob, out of control, and I made many promises in those sessions. The pain and pleasure... the fear... the unknown of what she would do "broke bad behaviors and turnned then into non existance or alterd my mind to want to plaese her more. It was always about her and pleasing her. What is still strange to me was, the more I got the more I wanted and the more I loved her deeper and deeper. My Counselor who is bdsm friendly explained to me that my wireing was just different than that of a vanilla. There is a sight called Woman in control, it explains how to extract promises from your husband or slave or sub. She extracted and I changed my behaviors as a result. Now let it be known I wanted to change, and I wanted to please her, but having in the back of my mind overbearing pain was a great behavioral modification technique. Hope that explains it . I gave myself freely,however, my behaviors did need changing. I wanted to be her's and I wanted to be the best slave that I could. I hope that explains all of this. thnxs, 2bemarriednowned
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