RE: I know, another collar ??

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RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/8/2009 8:55:42 AM

pleasuredancer

Posts: 39
Joined: 6/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I don't think that ANYthing we do in life should be giving up part of who we are...but that we should be doing things that embrace part of who we are.

Master Fire

I don't know that this is practical, particularly for a monogamous relationship. I think, when we make a choice on a partner, we are also limiting our choices in other areas. For example, I love to dance and I would love to find someone who does, as well. Dancing really is something that defines a part of me in many ways. At the same time, it is not common to find in men, and it is not one of the 'must haves' on my list. Too, I am not going to go out dancing without my primary partner. It is something that I have had to set aside in the past, and it may well be something I set aside again.

That is why I say you need to know your absolutes, and you need to know what is expendable. One person rarely fills all of those areas of a relationship.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/8/2009 10:59:14 AM

shadowowl

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poeticfreak

being collared isn't about giving up a part of yourself but embracing it, it's sort of a formal announcement of your relationship, declaring that you're now monogamous or poly amorous or whatever flavor has been agreed upon

yes I like this :) just make sure you ask which it is before they click that lock on it hehe.

(in reply to poeticfreak)

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Post #: 22

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/8/2009 11:28:52 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I have read threads on the issue of collars but my ?? was really not answered or at least I did not find it..
Anyway, here it goes.... My Daddy and I have talked about being collared and what it meant to U/us. At first I was feeling like I was not truly ready for a collar just yet because of lack of trust but here lately I have thought a lot about this. When I brought it up to my Daddy He responded that I was not ready.. He stated that I still had to much independence and I was not truly ready to submit. I told Him that I was just spunky and enjoyed my free spirt and spark. I also know when its time to be playful and when it's NOT. *My* limited understanding is a sub has a *little* more freedom then a slave......and I (at this time) don't really have a desire to be a slave. Maybe in time my heart will go towards more of a slave......but right now I don't want to give up my freedom of choice of being spunky and playful..and maybe I just don't have a true understanding of being a slave. To give a small example of this would be during a *fun* time...my Daddy mights ask me to watch my mouth.........then without even thinking about it, I will try to literally watch my mouth...lol W/we both get a laugh when I do this....and I'm pretty good about knowing when my Daddy is being more serious and play would NOT be approbate...
Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??

Thanks & Be Well
sidney

Why do you want to be collared?

Did your Daddy say you weren't ready because you are spunky? Because you enjoy your independence. Do you define independence as being capable of making independent decisions or independence as not feeling a need for a committed bond?

I spent most of my adult life happily pursuing relationships of shared joys and common interests without ever feeling I needed commitment beyond simple intergity. (That is, we do what we say we will do and no lying about anything). I didn't need a collar to be a great servant. I didn't need a collar to feel affection, connection or trust. I don't really need my collar now but I begged for it because I was ready to surrender not who I am but how I was.

I really like the idea behind what eyes has said above. It fits in with my own ideas of not wanting a submissive who feels like she has to give up who she is to be mine but who feels like giving up HOW she is is not only what she has to do, she wants to do so...wants to turn over that power of "how" she is to me.

I am sure there are plenty of times when a submissive feels like just saying...as virgin put it so well..."F**K it, I'm outta here". Feeling it and actually saying it are two different things. Feeling it but staying there because you agreed to submit to his/her ways and the dynamic you've created and because you are changing ever more of how you are to what is submissive to his dominance is commitment to the relationship and to your own submission. Saying it, especially early on or when things get too difficult is an admission that you like your submission easy and that obstacles are not to be overcome but to be avoided or gone around. And to be clear...there's nothing wrong with saying "Fuck it, I'm outta here" if both state that they are into that kind of easygoing dynamic...and then one tries to change it...I just know that I am not. I've reached the point in my life where my profile and my conversations about what I want, what I expect, how I see submission and dominance are pretty clear. There is plenty of room for immeasurable shades of gray in what I say and in any dynamic I enter into but one thing that is black and white is this: If you want a dynamic and relationship where I do all the work because I am the dominant, then I am not the dominant for you. If you want a dynamic and relationship where someone won't hurt you or anger you by pointing out that since you are in a relationship now...and a D/s dynamic...there are other feelings and thoughts to be considered other than your own, then I am not the dominant for you.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/8/2009 11:45:24 AM >

(in reply to eyesopened)

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Post #: 23

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/8/2009 4:41:16 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

I have read threads on the issue of collars but my ?? was really not answered or at least I did not find it..
Anyway, here it goes.... My Daddy and I have talked about being collared and what it meant to U/us. At first I was feeling like I was not truly ready for a collar just yet because of lack of trust but here lately I have thought a lot about this. When I brought it up to my Daddy He responded that I was not ready.. He stated that I still had to much independence and I was not truly ready to submit. I told Him that I was just spunky and enjoyed my free spirt and spark. I also know when its time to be playful and when it's NOT. *My* limited understanding is a sub has a *little* more freedom then a slave......and I (at this time) don't really have a desire to be a slave. Maybe in time my heart will go towards more of a slave......but right now I don't want to give up my freedom of choice of being spunky and playful..and maybe I just don't have a true understanding of being a slave. To give a small example of this would be during a *fun* time...my Daddy mights ask me to watch my mouth.........then without even thinking about it, I will try to literally watch my mouth...lol W/we both get a laugh when I do this....and I'm pretty good about knowing when my Daddy is being more serious and play would NOT be approbate...
Does being collared mean to give up part of who you are??

Thanks & Be Well
sidney

No, not at all

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

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Post #: 24

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/8/2009 7:23:13 PM

KCalli

Posts: 81
Joined: 8/4/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyssidney

Thanks for all the GREAT replies. I guess the collar issue...is really many issues all in one for me. One of the big ones is the level of commitment to one another... The more I have been kicking it around in my head.......the more I realize that maybe He is right... Maybe W/we both are not ready...
Daddy spoke of being interested in the D/s lifestyle early on.....but I seem to be the one that starting U/us truly moving that way.
I view independence as being able to make personal life choices.. Like going to school, visiting friends and family when I want to, money issues, and so forth. I can truly be committed to someone without giving up those kind of freedoms.. I guess I need to ask my Daddy what He thinks submission is for Him. I'm very happy taking care of Him.. I have even stepped up to the plate and became willing to go where on my own...I would never go.. That is one of my ideas of submission.

Thanks
Be Well
sidney

I do not believe that a good Master or Dom would stop their sub/slave from doing things that would enrich them and allow them to grow. I don't believe that separating a sub/slave from their family (except for maybe abuse or violence) would be productive and could poison the relationship, and the same goes for education-in these days and times it is important. One of the responsibilities of the Master/Dom is having the sub/slave's best interest in mind also. Communication and negotiation is very important.

(in reply to Daddyssidney)

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Post #: 25

RE: I know, another collar ?? - 8/9/2009 3:20:43 PM

Daddyssidney

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for A/all the thoughtful replies... I think my feelings got hurt when I asked my Daddy about a collar and He said I was not ready yet. :( The more I thought about it the more I realized that maybe I'm not......or maybe I'm not ready to except one either. It did open the door for some communication about it. I'm willing to push some of my boundaries but I'm not going to give up WHO I am.... Besides.... Who I am is what attracted Him to me to begin with.....
Be Well
sidney

(in reply to KCalli)

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Post #: 26