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when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 9:29:46 PM

nymphoshaz

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i am very new at domination.......i do want to be a true domme but my question is when is one considered a true domme.......is it by experience, is it by how many subs she has or is it by if she has a sub and treats him as a sub...or is a domme defined in some other way......i think i am a bit confused here.....can someone help me in this quest?

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 9:50:59 PM

PenelopePitstop

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I'm a sub, but I would imagine for most people it's when they have a degree of confidence about what they want and an idea at least of how to get it.

There's a lot of discussion here about 'fakes', it's all really subjective, really, but generally speaking, to be seen as 'real' you need to mean what you say, and be prepared to act on your stated intentions/beliefs.

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 10:22:49 PM

MistressLorelei

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I discovered the bdsm lifestyle fairly recently myself, and your question has crossed my mind as well... I think there are Dommes who are just finding a new part of themselves who can be more real than some Dommes who have been around the bdsm block... what makes you a "true Domme" would be the way in which you see yourself... it's there, or it isn't. If you are sincere in your beliefs, and have the intelligence and ability to convey that sincerity to others, and have the motivation to continue to learn about yourself and the lifestyle.. that, to Me would qualify as "real".

Anyone can physically just tie up another... but it takes more to do it at an emotional level.... and to earn the right to do so. Best of luck.

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 10:42:41 PM

RavenMuse

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Same as when you are a true anything else. When you walk the walk rather than just talk the talk! You can start by paying more attention to what you do than about what others 'consider' about what you do.

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 10:50:32 PM

Real0ne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nymphoshaz

i am very new at domination.......i do want to be a true domme but my question is when is one considered a true domme.......is it by experience, is it by how many subs she has or is it by if she has a sub and treats him as a sub...or is a domme defined in some other way......i think i am a bit confused here.....can someone help me in this quest?

tru? real? all part of the perspective of the sub.

you can be a tru domme and not even have a clu about bdsm.

out of a 10 subs one will find you a tru domme only because you match what their idea of domme is. so there are no rules and there are no standards. the only thing you need worry about is finding someone who complements what you are seeking and vice versa, then you will be a tru couple.

dom·i·nant (dm-nnt) KEY

ADJECTIVE:

Exercising the most influence or control.
Most prominent, as in position; ascendant.

its nothing more than this

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 11:51:49 PM

MistressLorelei

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Same as when you are a true anything else. When you walk the walk rather than just talk the talk! You can start by paying more attention to what you do than about what others 'consider' about what you do.

I have been a Dominant person My whole life... long before I realized what bdsm even was. However being Dominant did not help Me understand My urges, desires, and why I was seeking weakness in relationship partners who were not as I learned later "submissive". Trying to put a non-submissive vanilla relationship partner into a submissive mold and having no idea that you are doing it, isn't very rewarding. Was I paying attention to what I was doing? Yes. Was I 'considering' what his relationship ideals were? No. I didn't need a weak vanilla partner... but a strong submissive one.

Also, I think someone can be a very "truly" or "real" Dominant person, and yet be a really lousy Domme (D/s partner).

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/21/2006 11:58:04 PM

RavenMuse

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Quite, I too have been very dominant all my life. The person people turn to in order to get things done, get advice from or simply be reasured. But yes there is a big diffrence between just having a dominant personality and being a Dom. Being Dominant is passive, just who your are. Being a Dom is taking that a lot further, taking responcibility, making a choise, learning the skills and putting them into practice, it is an active thing.... and that is before you even take on a Sub.

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/22/2006 12:50:53 AM

MistressLorelei

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quote:

taking responcibility, making a choise, learning the skills and putting them into practice, it is an active thing.... and that is before you even take on a Sub.
/quote]

Just what I was saying in My first post in response to nymphoshaz... I am fairly new to the bdsm community, but I have had nearly a year to read, share, learn and experience. My eagerness to learn about the lifestyle, combined with a natural Dominant side, made an easy transition into 'taking on a sub'... Do I have a lot to learn? Sure... and I hope I always will....

I think ultimately, the best thing to put into practice is finding the person who will compliment your way of thinking, and your way of life. Things don't have to be well-defined by others to make them right for you.

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/22/2006 8:09:50 AM

mons

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hi

atrue domme does not mean you have more toys then the next nor does it mean you dress in all leather what it is in youheart your mind i remember when i knew i wanted tobecome a domme first i spoke with another dommes and listen to what they had to say. ilearn by listening and let them the right one now not the fakes but they taught me by word of mouth some get to bewith them i did not have that chance so i listen to what they wrote iread all ofthe books and went to websites amdwrote and study what was said.mostimportant is who you get the information from. this took me soyears dommes i think never stop ;earning at least i do but it is truly in our hearts our souls this is something that does not go away. i remember i would tell guys i meant how i wanted to tie them down i had no ideal what it was but it was in me so i jump into a chat room for submissve at first and found i was not one of them then i found the domme women room i washome goodluck and read as much as you can

with greeting

mons

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/22/2006 8:26:18 AM

Jasmyn

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lol you must be my long lost twin brother ;) either that or you've been sitting on my shoulder my entire life ;) very well stated.

There seems to be tendency for people to just expect a 'dominant' to know how to be 'dominant' because they are 'dominant' ... but you have succinctly put into words what I call 'the process'. Personally it took me five years before I felt totally inside myself and comfortable with been 'dominant' in the d/s sense and as always I am still learning and evolving...and loving every minute of it ;)

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/22/2006 8:41:36 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

lol you must be my long lost twin brother ;)

OK Ma I got a gripe.... how come my twin got the looks????

On second thoughts... *Looks at the user pic* nonono we can't be siblings, that would make acting on those thoughts illegal in too many places!

quote:

either that or you've been sitting on my shoulder my entire life ;) very well stated.

Why, thank you dear

quote:

There seems to be tendency for people to just expect a 'dominant' to know how to be 'dominant' because they are 'dominant' ... but you have succinctly put into words what I call 'the process'. Personally it took me five years before I felt totally inside myself and comfortable with been 'dominant' in the d/s sense and as always I am still learning and evolving...and loving every minute of it ;)

That is one trait I've seen in just about every fellow Dom/me that I have found reason to respect. They never get arrogant enough to assume there is nothing left worth learning.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: when do i consider myself a true domme - 2/22/2006 9:35:55 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nymphoshaz

i am very new at domination.......i do want to be a true domme but my question is when is one considered a true domme.......is it by experience, is it by how many subs she has or is it by if she has a sub and treats him as a sub...or is a domme defined in some other way......i think i am a bit confused here.....can someone help me in this quest?

"True"? I wouldn't use that word to describe anyone anymore than I'd use the word "real".

Only you and the person you are with or interacting with can evaluate any "trueness" or so forth at that moment. I wouldn't worry about anyone else. Just be yourself. If someone doesn't want to believe you, why interact with them?

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