RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha?

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Politesub53 -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/9/2009 3:40:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping? Just wondering. Thanks! Speaking for myself, a safe word is sacrosanct and should be treated as such. If I used it I would be sure to explain exactly why.

MaamJay -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/9/2009 8:55:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Depends. I heard of one sub who was about to be punished and safeworded before the first stroke fell. I'm still not sure what I would have done if I were the Top. The Dom in question honored the safeword and stopped. This situation is EXACTLY why I would never punish physically. It's too much of a minefield. Far better to find a punishment that the sub won't like but can't safeword out of eg no TV or computer for a week and extra chores on top! Or for a boy, give him a research assignment and ask for 5000 word essay grin. I've found few subby boys that are willing writers. As far as topping from the bottom, I have found it can operate in a scene as LP described. That should be relatively easy to sort out. In a relationship, I would be more inclined to call it brattiness if it happens regularly, and it's not for Me. I don't want the eternal battle of wills. Give Me your opinions yes, but once the decision is made, respect it and honour it, that's submission. And that means don't be whiny, miserable and ungracious about doing it My way. However, I do agree with an earlier post (was it You Steven?) who said that some Doms think it's TFTB when it's only a sub expressing themselves. Being a switchy type, perhaps my sub side didn't always express herself appropriately early on and Master quite often thought i was trying to TFTB when i wasn't. i was totally horrified to realise that's what He was thinking! Good communication sorted this out, and He soon realised it was better to ask me more subtly whether my "capitals" were showing or "Is that a Top hat I see on your head?" rather than assume and leap straight to chastisement and correction. That gave me a chance for a self-check and so i could answer honestly whether i was getting a bit Toppy or whether i was just stating an opinion. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

StoneFox -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/9/2009 10:09:59 PM)
To add a bit of lightheartedness to this, I read peppermint's version of TFTB and thought to myself...."Oh! Well I guess sometimes I DO like that...when I'm riding cowgirl!" lol ;P Ok, but down to the main questions: Topping from the bottom -- yes, it does exist. In my view this is where the sub/bottom tries to get their way or control the direction of the play. It can be direct or it can be subtle. Manipulation also counts as trying to TFTB. I have seen this happen in both a relationship dynamic and in scenes. I personally had it happen to me just recently where a sub tried to pull out my cruel side because it's what HE wanted to happen and he was told very clearly that I wasn't in the mood and to stop trying to top from the bottom. Safewords: These aren't considered TFTB if they are used for a legit reason. A sub/bottom who used their safeword inappropriately would have it honored but they would also no longer be welcome in my company.

MistressRouge -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/10/2009 1:20:44 AM)
I have only ever in 9 years, have 2 TFTB, and that was really starting out in My Domination. I swiftly dismissed them, without comment, and they were never to grace My doorway again. I do not scene/session with safewords, at all, so that is quite an attraction to many that I session with. They enjoy My having full control of the situation, them, and the scene/session, and I for one am not complaining and prefer it. I session with many switches, none-submissive masochists & Dominant males also, so not always D/s orientated [:D]

SthrnCom4t -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/10/2009 12:47:59 PM)
FR - quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping? Just wondering. Thanks! No, it's just a point used to determine further negotiation. <grin> I don't rely on my bottom to be able to know when he needs to stop. I'm not so arrogant as to think I will ALWAYS know what the bottom is experiencing, and I welcome communication. Regarding the original post - It's all in the communication. A scene or a relationship is made up of the individuals who are participating. Everyone has needs, and most people are not mind-readers. How one expresses his/her needs is the determining factor.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/10/2009 12:55:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping? Just wondering. Thanks! Depends. I heard of one sub who was about to be punished and safeworded before the first stroke fell. I'm still not sure what I would have done if I were the Top. The Dom in question honored the safeword and stopped. As I said earlier - Point of further negotiation. If someone were in a relationship with me, and our dynamic included punishment for transgressions (not to be confused with 'funishment') there would be discussion around the offensive act, and the resulting punishment would occur. If the submissive decided not to accept My decision more than likely we wouldn't be in relationship much longer as there would be obvious compatibility isses.

LadyPact -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/10/2009 1:10:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Depends. I heard of one sub who was about to be punished and safeworded before the first stroke fell. I'm still not sure what I would have done if I were the Top. The Dom in question honored the safeword and stopped. I'd honor it. I'd be mad as hell, but I'd honor it. However, that same hand of Mine that was stopped mid swing would next be seen pointing at the floor, where I expect that boy to kneel at My feet while I explain to him that he no longer had the right to wear My collar, and if he chose not to accept the punishment, he would be released.

Taggerung -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/11/2009 6:27:04 PM)
Safe words used properly are not a way of topping from the bottom. It's a way to stop a scene when the submissive feels uncomfortable. From what I understand, its not a newbie thing and I don't think I would ever be comfortable topping with out one because I know whats going on in my head and I would know the limits and all that jazz and I would hope and do everything possible to make sure my submissive never has to use it but, its a safety procation in case something does go wrong. Ramble over!

Andalusite -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/11/2009 10:50:30 PM)
DarkSteven, in my last relationship, I was physically punished twice. The second time, I did need to yellow safeword due to circulation being cut off from the bondage (which he left me in to think about it) before he hit me with anything. If the submissive had a panic attack with asthma or some such, it could be legitimate. I found that physical punishment put me in a bad headspace in ways that were detrimental to our relationship (enjoying something that was supposed to be a punishment, feeling guilty about it, and feeling weird about play afterward, and some fear/concern toward him and the specific toy he was using when he did use it hard enough to be an actual punishment. When I was a Domme, I didn't use physical punishment, so the subject didn't come up. Anyway, to the OP, my Master welcomes my feedback and suggestions, but he has the choice of whether or not to give me what I ask for. :D I've only "topped from the bottom" in the sense used in "Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns," literally thwacking someone to their specifications.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/12/2009 8:46:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme Would anyone consider the use of a safe word during a scene to be a form of topping? Just wondering. Thanks! Depends. I heard of one sub who was about to be punished and safeworded before the first stroke fell. I'm still not sure what I would have done if I were the Top. The Dom in question honored the safeword and stopped. I have a safeword, but I'm stubborn when it comes to using it. If something is near excruciating, I will "yellow" to let Him know I'm getting there, but I will be in tears before I will "red."

VanIsleKnight -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/12/2009 4:27:01 PM)
Ooh. I like that. Caution, I'm getting really close to crying uncle, slow down please.

Andalusite -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/13/2009 10:06:06 PM)
For me personally, I haven't needed to use the actual words to safe out. If something is wrong, I can usually mention it in plain English (ie. my hand is falling asleep, I need to go to the restroom, etc.). The very few times that I've actually needed to safeword over a strike that was too hard or in a bad place, I froze, and couldn't make any noise at all for a few seconds - it took my breath away. Also, when I feel deeply submissive to someone, I sometimes can't say "red," or "no," or my own name - just baby-talk type babble and whimpers and such. I've always brought that up with anyone new I've played with as a switch or bottom, since I can't always predict who I'll react that way toward. If I can't talk coherently, we agree to have me tap out, or otherwise have a non-verbal safeword. They help with communication, but they certainly aren't a failsafe.

DesFIP -> RE: Topping from Bottom? Wha? (8/14/2009 7:30:13 PM)
I can't force him to do anything. I can beg, plead, threaten etc but he is not somehow forced to do what I want. And honestly, if I were capable of remembering how to nicely word things the odds are I wouldn't be interested in him doing it. If I'm tied and teased, nothing I say can force him to let me orgasm. It's just information about what I want, not a script he has to follow.

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