Musing about, wondering about myself...

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Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/15/2009 9:27:17 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

I have wondered. I have been extremely submissive my entire life. I breathe it.... I taste it and long for it.

Yet... for some reason I want a slave of my own. A pet human... so to speak. And only one. I also only want one Domme.

I want my pet to follow me and to accomplish my tasks out in order for the both of us to become prosperous. The things I do to guide us...
Strangely enough.... I do not even want to have sex with this pet. Cuteness is a factor (as well as gender... nothing wrong with males... but... um... penis.) though and cuddling will be demanded.

What is this? This feeling I have? I do not feel like a switch. I feel like me.

Is this a close submissive friend? Is this my dominant side coming out? I am confused... and I do not know how to externalize these words.

I do not even know if this is the correct forum for this. I usually do not. For this also has twinges of polyamourism.....

a strange dynamic indeed.

Give me your thoughts and opinions please, anyone will do.... for I desire to know them so I may flush them out of my skull better.

Thank you.

~Pyroaquatic

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/16/2009 2:53:13 AM

VanityFix

Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline

it could be anything from: just a thought, your a switch, to its a phase or w/e. really its up to you to decide what this means, its normal and healthy to think outside the box, just think about it but dont get overly stressed in needing to jump lables or reidentify if you dont feel comfortable. i sympothise a good deal tho, i view myself as generally more submissive with a few dominant tastes, i found myself dealing with should i put sub or switch in the bracket.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/16/2009 3:17:18 AM

liljag

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline

The real question that I see here is..."who am i"...and there really is no answer to that question that I or anyone else can give you...only you can answer that question fully. I can see where your confusion comes in but, I can also say that it is not really a new thing for Me to see either. My babygirl has also had those feelings and began feeling quite frustrated with herself over them..which made some serious waves in Our relationship because she was not letting Me in on why she was frustrated until I ordered her to. Once she did...it was as if she had somehow broken free of what ever had held back and it was beautiful to see the wings she bore when she began to realize that she had never "changed into something that I would not want"...and that she had only managed to grow stronger in her knowledge and self worth.

I say...look inside and if you need to talk...then...talk...it often helps more to get things out in the open where you can seemingly examine them more.

(in reply to VanityFix)

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/16/2009 3:04:37 PM

Elipsis

Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
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Based on what you said I would still call you a switch, not that it matters very much.

Perhaps you don't feel like a switch because your desires don't really fit into the mold of what you consider a switch to be, but there is nothing wrong with that... just be whatever you feel you are and don't worry so much what to call it.

(in reply to liljag)

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/16/2009 5:42:52 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

I want my pet to follow me and to accomplish my tasks out in order for the both of us to become prosperous. The things I do to guide us...

Well, as far as labels goes, I guess this is all it would take to have a dominant tendancy and therefore, combined with your default mode of submissiveness, give you the title of switch. I don't know if you really want to name it though or practice it in the trappings of a relationship. I couldn't say at all.

I will say that I am, as I am sure you have gathered, extremely submissive (we won't even go into the slave issue LOL). I don't necessarily want much out of my dominant interactions. If the fit were rather singular, I might consider a full dominant relationship with someone, but it would really have to be a unique situation. I prefer to just play as a dominant at this point. People who are willing to play with me at a club or just for the endorphines privately. I don't necessarily have it in me to take up the responsibility and control of another's life in the long term and full sense. I am a very responsible top, however, and really value that hour or so of trust that I am given. This is what one example of a switch looks like. Each of us are all kinds of variations and mixtures of these dualities.

lovingpet

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/24/2009 5:26:27 AM

Mishna

Posts: 70
Joined: 11/1/2008
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I would say not to stress so much over labels, and just accept what you feel even if you aren't clear as to the reason why you feel what you do. That will sort itself out in time. In the meantime, you are still you, regardless of the label you put on yourself. You know who you are, and your partner knows who you are (hopefully), so just go with it. Labels are for others, not really for yourself. That's just my personal opinion.

Good luck.

(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 8/24/2009 5:46:03 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
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The label switch has gotten such a bad rap over the years, many people don't want to use it or don't relate to it.

I have a male sub who I do not have sex with. He fills some needs that I have, he just can't fill all my needs (I am sexually very submissive).

The idea that one person can fulfill all your needs is rather immature to me.

JMO.

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Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

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RE: Musing about, wondering about myself... - 9/4/2009 8:39:18 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR, after read thru

Collarme has a fairly minimal set of labels (I like the way labels are set up, & there's a larger diversity of choices, over on FetLife) . . . . . I have concerns that people let the limited set of labels limit what they are, what they can imagine, & what they can become . .. . . As there's no Pope of Rope dispensing permission to be this way or that, we each get to forge our own paths . . . .. . .

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Snarko ergo sum.