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What's your story? - 2/23/2006 2:12:53 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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First off let me say that i may not word my question correctly so if i confuse anyone please say so so i can reword my question.

Master and i are considering going poly. We have both discussed it and are now actively seeking to build frienships with others and see where it goes from there. Master wants my input on the situation to some extent. She has no problem with me speaking to other subs or slaves. If i come across one that is of interest to me She has given me permission to speak with them and get to know them a little. Of course i make Master aware of whom i'm speaking to so that She can introduce Herself to this person and get to know them as well.

i have been in the lifestyle for a little over a year now. Prior to finding this lifestyle, i was married for 10 years in a very vanilla realationship. When i just brought up the idea of a threesome i got the look of shock..LOL!! i was taught that you cannot love one person and be capable of being with others. i was told that if you could be with another person YOU WERE NOT IN LOVE. So i have always had it in my head to some extent that people aren't capable of loving more than one person. This feeling has changed alot over the past year because i have allowed myself to open my mind to new experiences.

When talking to others from this site, i get a feeling like i'm doing something WRONG but at the same time a relief that in my realtionship its OKAY by my Master. It sometimes just feels very weird. i say to myself "wow, i'm flirting with another or getting to know another and thats okay". i'm very excited with the thought that maybe i'll be sharing my life with another. At the same time i'm very scared because i don't know what to expect. i don't know what emotions i will go through, what challenges will arise between myself and Master and the three of us.

i guess my question is this : For all of you who are poly and had been in a realtionship with three or more for THE FIRST TIME, what was your experience like? What did you go through emotionally? How did you adjust if you had certain issues (whatever they may be)? What is it that you loved the most about your first experience in a poly relationship? Was there a tough period you went through then overcame it? What type of bonds did you have with the others in your relationship?

i am not looking for advice from anyone. i'd like to hear stories good or bad from people who went poly for the first time. Master's please feel free to tell your story too :) i'm not necessarily looking just for sub/slave stories

-carolyn

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RE: What's your story? - 2/24/2006 1:29:18 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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hmmmm....maybe i worded this wrong. i expected at least a story or two. Someone please let me know if my post is confusing in anyway.

-carolyn

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RE: What's your story? - 2/24/2006 2:50:51 PM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

what was your experience like? What did you go through emotionally? How did you adjust if you had certain issues (whatever they may be)? What is it that you loved the most about your first experience in a poly relationship? Was there a tough period you went through then overcame it? What type of bonds did you have with the others in your relationship?

My first poly experience was almost 10 years ago and it did not involve BDSM at all. I had always been attracted to women and one woman in specific at the time. The boyfriend I had then encouraged me to explore the attraction. So I became involved in a relationship with him and with her. They did not have a relationship together. Unfortunately, my boyfriend had some rather unrealistic expectations and quickly regretted encouraging me in this direction. Both relationships eventually ended, but I cherish the experience.

What it showed me was that it is possible to love more than one person and that loving another does not diminish your love for someone else. The experience prepared me to be open to the idea of a long term poly relationship and gave me an appreciation of the challenge in managing time.

I am currently in a poly M/s relationship with my Lord and alandra. The three of us have a relationship together. He is our primary focus, but we are all committed to having a life long relationship between us. Our relationship is made even more complicated because it is long distance. We have found that that distance magnifies some issues and hides others. We deal with things by openly and constructively discussing our thoughts and feelings. Keeping things to ourselves would be a recipe for disaster.

The house is even larger than the three of us, since my Lord and alandra are good friends with denika and her husband. My relationship with them is slowly evolving since I have limited time to spend with them and I am very reserved. denika bottoms with my Lord and they have a very informal D/s relationship. The four of them are intimate with each other. Because of the distance there are times that I feel left out and isolated; because of the distance it is difficult for me to form a connection with denika and Rob.

The relationship that I have with my Lord just resonates with me; it gives me the opportunity to demonstrate my authentic self. My tough periods come when I question and start to doubt who I am. When I am aware and accept my need to submit to him then I am at peace, but getting rid of some of the old thoughts and ideas of how I am supposed to behave have been a challenging process.

My relationship with alandra satisfies my bisexual desires. For me there is something that I get from being intimate with a woman that no man could ever give me. She and I share in the responsibility of meeting our Lord’s needs and wants. We complement each other. On the surface people would think that we are a lot alike, but it is the differences that make us a good match for each other and for this house.

The three of us are deeply committed and devoted to making this relationship last. We are not perfect, but we seek to be the best we can be at any given moment.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: What's your story? - 2/24/2006 3:05:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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You just asked a very big question for me. My first poly involved myself, my long distance master, his other slave who got divorced after the first two years of the relationship to her husband and then moved in with our master AND a bi-polar sub off her meds with a 6 year old daughter who moved in and then moved out in the course of a year. In the end, I asked to be released.

There's a lot to ruminate and summarize on. I'm certainly a stronger person because of it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What's your story? - 3/10/2006 10:43:49 AM

BunnyButt

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Joined: 11/11/2004
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My first poly relationship wasn't my choice. I became involved with a man (calling himself a dominant) who, unbeknownst to me) had other submissives. He knew that (at the time) I wasn't interested in being part of a polyamorous relationship, but chose to continue pursuing me in spite of his previous commitments.

When I discovered the other women, I was furious! I confronted him, quite angry at being lied to, and he (much to my dismay) remained calm in the face of my fury, declaring that he knew what was best for me, and that I was now on "suspension." That meant that I was to have no contact with him for one week, and was to read the book "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, and speak to him through another person.

That week dragged on longer than any other week in my life. I read the book, and slowly learned that what he was practicing was - in no way, shape or form - what any other ethical polyamorous person would consider polyamory. By the end of the week, when I could talk to him again, I dumped him. Dropped him like a dead weight.

The next relationship was better, but still not what I was looking for. I'll keep that one short and sweet by saying that none of us were ready for it, and none of us could cope with it. It was better, in the end, for us to seperate... though it was extremely painful to do so.

The current relationship is loverly. My partner and I live together. I have another lover, we have other play partners... but we have chosen not to add anyone to our household permanently, not until my children (all under 14) are adults. We want to be completely free to do as we wish, and feel that after they're gone will be time enough. We're happy, we're healthy, we talk all the time... and that is the one thing I have found to be the most important thing about any polyamorous relationship - open communication.

Bunny

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RE: What's your story? - 3/10/2006 1:02:35 PM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
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I am completely new to this whole poly thing. So take what I say in that light... a grain of salt.. My "story" is pretty much already out there.. so I'll just try to stick to my thoughts/emotions on entering into a Poly relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney
i have been in the lifestyle for a little over a year now. Prior to finding this lifestyle, i was married for 10 years in a very vanilla realationship. When i just brought up the idea of a threesome i got the look of shock..LOL!! i was taught that you cannot love one person and be capable of being with others. i was told that if you could be with another person YOU WERE NOT IN LOVE. So i have always had it in my head to some extent that people aren't capable of loving more than one person. This feeling has changed alot over the past year because i have allowed myself to open my mind to new experiences.

I was raised on and told the same gibberish. Yet feelings inside me have proved otherwise. Oddly enough, I was also raised that the more love you give the more you will recieve.

It took me a while to reconcile my former beliefs to my feelings, and in many ways I'm still working out the kinks so to speak. Altering a life long perspective isn't easy and it does take time to adjust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney
When talking to others from this site, i get a feeling like i'm doing something WRONG but at the same time a relief that in my realtionship its OKAY by my Master. It sometimes just feels very weird. i say to myself "wow, i'm flirting with another or getting to know another and thats okay". i'm very excited with the thought that maybe i'll be sharing my life with another. At the same time i'm very scared because i don't know what to expect. i don't know what emotions i will go through, what challenges will arise between myself and Master and the three of us.

I was always told it was wrong, and up until about a year ago I believed it was wrong. Pretty much everyone I know outside this lifestyle will think its wrong, and a few I know in this lifestyle think its wrong. I learned long ago that others opinions amount to a hill a beans, just sometimes I forget. People are always quick to judge things they don't understand. I hate to admit it, but a couple years ago.. I was one of them. For me, I think it was mostly just anger that other people were able to live like that and I was always taught it wasn't allowed. Much like the kid that picks on another kid because they have something the other wanted but never got. I just never realized til now that it was an option for me or that I wanted it at all.

I still feel weird about it, and I'm hoping that goes away as the newness wears off and we all get into a groove so to speak. Fears are still there, we just talk about them openly now and address them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney
i guess my question is this : For all of you who are poly and had been in a realtionship with three or more for THE FIRST TIME, what was your experience like?

I'll let you know more as it pans out. Still in the beginning stages.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney What did you go through emotionally? How did you adjust if you had certain issues (whatever they may be)? What is it that you loved the most about your first experience in a poly relationship? Was there a tough period you went through then overcame it? What type of bonds did you have with the others in your relationship?

Lots of self-doubt, "is this right?" feelings, Can I really love two people fully? (Dumb question though, I already do so no need to question if, it already is), how is this going to work?, Is this really going to make me happy?, Is this going to make everyone happy?, How to deal with jealousy in my partners?, etc.

What I love most about my relationship (so far) is the people I'm in it with. They have the biggest hearts of anyone I know. We all have a very strong bond of friendship, loyalty, love, and of course trust. We truely want each other to be happy, and seeing each other happy makes us happy in return.

We're still in a tough period (as I'm sure you've read enough about it already) and are working through each issue as much as we can in advance, and together each issue that rears its head.

V

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RE: What's your story? - 3/10/2006 6:05:19 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
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From: Southern California
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Thank you all for your responses

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RE: What's your story? - 3/12/2006 6:19:15 PM

Sensualips

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In retrospect my very first relationships were poly, I just didn't realize it at the time. My best friend (female) evolved into my experimental-sexuality-partner-and-best-friend in the very early teen years. By high school we had added a third male friend. It was a mix of platonic and sexual depending on the day and the circumstances.

All three of us had external come-and-go relationships over the 4-5 years. Out of a moral sense of what was appropriate, all of us would abstain from sexual relations with each other when we had a boyfriend or girlfriend. The intimacy remained though, and somehow we always "came home." For being teenagers there was amazing little drama and almost no jealousy. Within the thee of us I mean - the external partners invariably would reach a point where he or she got weary/angry/jealous of the weird little inner circle they could not comprehend. We just understood what we were, although we could not really explain it to others.

College happened and time happened and we moved on. She married a lesbian firefighter a decade ago and the two have had two children via in vitro. He married his college sweetheart, had three kids, separated, got back together, and is mostly happily married. I also married my college sweetheart and tried the traditional monogamy thing for seven years before we introduced poly elements into our marriage.

I still miss them both, and miss those times. Part of it is just the youth and possibilies and freedoms, but most of it is those two people.

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RE: What's your story? - 3/18/2006 11:35:47 AM

starymists

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Kind of a strange question for me. In retrospect, I don't think I've ever really been ~in~ a mono relationship by choice. There have been times when I've only been involved with one person at a time, but only once was it with the understanding that we were mono exclusive. And in that one relationship, I was sexually exclusive, but spent an awful lot of time involved with others on an emotionally intimate level to keep my sanity.

My first lifestyle live in was about 12 years ago. Three girls, one Dom all under the same roof with our children. And in a lot of ways, it reminded me of being in college when a group of my friends and I moved into an apartment off campus. Initially, it was a rollercoaster as we got to know each other's boundaries, expectations, wants and needs. There was a fair amount of stepping on toes in the early months. Figuring out who was going to do the cooking, who was going to be responsible for which chores, etc. But after that smoothed out, the relationships between myself and my sisters and the Dom which had attracted me to the situation become grounded, cemented and started to grow stronger. And for several years, it was beautiful. We ended up cooking and cleaning together. Having snowball fights in the yard. Decorating for the holidays, hanging out at the beach. Nights of cuddling on the couch. Pillow fights. Staying up all night talking about everything and nothing. Having someone there on the rough days to ensure that I had a safe place to land. Having someone there on the vista days when everything was so right. It wasn't always perfect, but there were by far many more good days than bad *everyone on the rag at once was certainly a fun week in our house

*

Ultimately, needs changed for the Dominant involved *involving a challenge by his x-wife for custody of his children* and the family split apart. The breakup was far from pretty and really contributed to my staying out of live in poly situations for a long period of time before I realized that life happens and I really need to concentrate on enjoying it while I can.

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RE: What's your story? - 3/20/2006 11:13:31 AM

Angeni

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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

For all of you who are poly and had been in a realtionship with three or more for THE FIRST TIME, what was your experience like? What did you go through emotionally? How did you adjust if you had certain issues (whatever they may be)? What is it that you loved the most about your first experience in a poly relationship? Was there a tough period you went through then overcame it? What type of bonds did you have with the others in your relationship?

Though I do not classify myself as Poly, my late husband was. During the 9 years we were together, there was a total of 4 others who joined our family. Of those 4, two were with us more than 6 years. I had always known that my late husband was poly, but when he first announced that he was looking for another to join us, I went through a tough time trying to reconcile the thought with the actuality of reality. I went through many of the stages that many others do; anger, jealousy, resentment, acceptance, joy, and eventually love for them. Communication was a huge factor with us. My late husband stressed the idea of 'talk about everything, and then after you have talked about it, talk about it somemore". I was encouraged to keep a journal of my feelings about the experience, and to write down everything, no matter how hateful, resentful, or angry it sounded. The journal was a great help because it gave me an outlet to vent. In turn, since my husband read the journal, he was more than aware of my feelings, and able to entice me to discuss them more openly. Eventually, I came to cherish the others that were a part of our home. I relied on them, just as much as they did on me for support. Both of the girls that were with us the longest, I still am in contact with, and still think of them as family. I always will. We have shared something special between us. The love of a man who we all loved just as much. Given the chance, I would not change anything from my experiences, with the exception of his death.

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